I just found out that a friend of mine died

[malta blue]

on 11/4 and no one called to tell me....

My friend was a tortured soul. He died the day before his mother died of cancer on 11/5.

As I was getting my hair done today, my hairdresser asked "Do you think he killed himself, or was it an accident?" I asked what she was talking about and she dropped the bomb on me.

I feel angry no one told me - but I can understand since his mother died the following day and I am sure it was a tragic time for the family.

I feel so sad that he called me the day he died and I chose not to answer my cell because I knew he was messed up and could not deal with him at the time.

The story I heard was that he took a fistful of his mother's pills and overdosed.

I am in shock right now, so I will apologize in advance for posting this and maybe not getting back to it.

I have to just keep thinking that he wasn't calling me for help that day.

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

[Shine]

1. Wow, that's heavy. I'm so sorry sweetie.

:hug: Try not to beat yourself up too much about it. Sounds like he was dealing with a lot of other issues. I hope you are able to find peace and I certainly hope your friend is able to find peace, wherever he is....

:loveya:

[malta blue]

4. thanks Shine...

Unfortunately he falls into the category of people like Jim Morrison who didn't "kill" themselves, but really did kill temselves....

My poor Joshua - he was such a tortured human always seeking greener pastures.

:cry:

[Chovexani]

2. Jesus, I'm so sorry

All my love and best wishes to you. I can't imagine what you must be going through. :hug::hug::hug:

[malta blue]

6. thanks...

I still haven't cried - I am sure that will come tomorrow when it all sinks in
:hug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

3. ~

:hug:

[malta blue]

7. ...

:hug: thank you - it is appreciated.

[SPKrazy]

5. sorry

:hug:

that is terrible malta

:hug:

[malta blue]

8. it is so sad SPK - he was a handsome young man,

in his early 30s- what a tragic loss.

[MissB]

9. Oh, I am so sorry.

How tragic!

[malta blue]

14. Thanks missb.

The shock is wearing off now - I am just devastated today.

[fizzgig]

10. i am so sorry malta

i hope your friend has found peace

please don't blame yourself

:hug:

[malta blue]

15. I know he has found peace,

it is always those left behind who suffer the most.
:hug:

[fizzgig]

32. just saw your update malta

more :hug: to you and his family

[ThomCat]

11. I'm so sorry.

:hug:

I will be thinking about your post, and about you. :(

Please know that many of us are here for you.

[malta blue]

16. Oh my dear Thom...

I am so sad right now. :cry:

I know that he is no longer tortured by his own thoughts and feelings. He had no one in his life who cared to listen to him - I was the closest thing he had, and I turned my back on him. I don't blame myself per se, but I just wish there was something I could have done.

:hug:

[RainDog]

12. condolences

such sadness in this life...

[malta blue]

17. there truly is so much sadness in this life Raindog -

you are correct.

:hug:

[LynzM]

13. Oh malta blue, that sucks, I'm sorry....

:hug: :hug: :hug: I don't know what to say, but I'm very sorry for your pain and loss... :hug:

[malta blue]

18. Thank you....

I feel just awful for his family too. I don't know all the details, and his family has shut everyone out so I doubt I will ever know, but imagine the heartbreak for his father - losing his only son - his first-born - and the next day, losing his beloved wife.

There are no words to describe this man's pain....

[1gobluedem]

19. Oh, how sad

But please don't beat yourself up for not answering his call. It's not your fault.

:hug:

[malta blue]

20. I know there was nothing I could have done.

He had been walking this path for years, but I am still devastated.

[malta blue]

21. *** Update ***

I broke down and called his father today.

He told me that Joshua had developed some sort of cardiac infection due to his travels in africa and that when he came to NY during his mother's final days, he was very disoriented - he thought it was just jet lag and took a sleeping pill.

Now Josh used to take fistfuls of pills - enough to tranquilize a lion and would still be fine, but the coroner said that because of the infection, the pill was lethal. He had been staying at an apartment with his grandmother who found him the next morning (11/4).

His sister and his friend took over Josh's situation since his mom had slipped into a coma and made arrangements to fly his body to Israel. His mom died on 11/5 and right after she passed, the sis and friend took Josh to Israel where his is buried in Sefat in northern Israel.

[supernova]

24. How terribly sad

so he forestalled seeing about his own health to tend to his mom. :-(

Hugs to you malta blue for the loss of your friend.

:hug:

[malta blue]

27. thanks Supernova....

I am comforted that I now know that he did not intentionally take his own life. His family is in such grief - I can't even imagine the pain they are going through....

:hug:

[bigwillq]

22. That's terrible.

I am very sorry for your loss. :hug:

[malta blue]

26. Thanks friend....

I feel better now after having spoken to his father - seems he had an infection that made him ill, and when he took a sleeping pill, it proved lethal.

I am at peace knowing he did not take his own life intentionally.

:hug: to you friend...

[Coyote_Bandit]

23. .

:hug:

I am sooooo sorry.

If you blame yourself for his death in any way then you are making yourself responsible for his choices - choices which you could not control. Don't do that to yourself.

[malta blue]

25. Thank you..

I spoke to his dad today and it seems my friend only took one sleeping pill, which normally would have had placebo-like effects on him, but he had developed a cardiac infection and the pill proved to be lethal.

I no longer feel as though there was something I could have done. His father told me he Josh had called me that night, but with the tragedy of events that unfolded, they lost my number.

I am glad that Joshua is a peace in his beloved Israel now...

[Coyote_Bandit]

33. What a terrible terrible tragedy

I believe there is a unique grief for those who die young - a grief that encompasses the loss of past and present asw well as hopes, aspirations and future potential.

Your friend is at peace now. May those who knew and loved him also find peace.

[dembotoz]

28. part of growing old is checking the death notices

my mom does on a daily basis.
She checks it daily like I check the sports section

It is too bad that nobody told you.
Perhaps as death becomes more common for your age group, informal phone trees will pass the word along.

[malta blue]

29. but I don't feel old, and he was only 31.

BTW - I have been in Grafton :)

[Pierre.Suave]

30. I am so sorry

:hug:

[redqueen]

31. Oh no...

I'm so, so sorry...

[Parche]

34. hug

:hug: :hug: :hi:

[MissMillie]

35. oh hon....

:hug:

I'm so sorry for your loss.