Lounge challenge: In this thread, say something so witty, it's bound to get a DUzy.

[Bucky]

Here, I'll start:

Rumsfeld is briefing Bush on the war and says that three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq yesterday...

[Bicoastal]

1. Let me channel Oscar Wilde here...

HUMMMMMMMMMMMMM.....

"Well, the major problem with George W. Bush is that if he was half as smart while sober as is he stupid while drinking, he'd be twice as intelligent AND twice as drunk. Ha-HAHAHAHAha!"

OK, that obviously didn't work.

[NoPasaran]

28. More Oscar Wilde

"To lose one election to George W. Bush is tragic. To lose two seems careless."

[UTUSN]

30. I can't believe this!1 I was going to post, "(Insert Oscar WILDE quote here)"!1 n/t

[SPKrazy]

2. okay

Hypnotoad's sig line pictures keep getting scarier, could we outlaw pics in siglines?

[flying rabbit]

3. something so witty, it's bound to get a DUzy.

Just had to get that out of the way.

[Fire Walk With Me]

4. Too much pressure... Borderline sense of humor...crumbling...

[Gormy Cuss]

5. I believe there's a distinct possibility that

JeffR has this thread on Ignore.

[rug]

6. no

[DFW]

7. It won't earn me a DUzy, because I already heard that one last year

Bush's face turns ashen, and then he leans over and whispers to Condi, "how many zeros in a Brazillion?"

[DarkTirade]

8. Did you hear the fairie tale about the girl who worked at a photo development center?

Some day her prints will come.

[hisownpetard]

9. Based on this week's results, I'm going to say something very witty:

Kitchen Witch.

[Dr. Strange]

11. That was very Kitchenwitty!

[hisownpetard]

14. Well, I didn't win any DUzys one week in a row! I'm pissed. Apparently someone else's fortune

is my agony and pain.

What other conclusion can I come to?

[Dr. Strange]

18. Oh yes: KitchenWitch and JeffR are in cahoots!

Make no mistake about that. In cahoots up to their eyeballs!

[hisownpetard]

20. Wow! And...DAMN!

[Dr. Strange]

10. If you post it in the Lounge, it won't win a DUzy.

Ever since our clothing optional policy went into effect, JeffR has decreed that

"There's no way in hell that I'm giving any goddamn DUzys to a bunch of hairy-ass nudist Lounge lizards."

He also made fun of our emperor AND called into question the heritage of our mascot.

[billyskank]

12. Fart knockers.

[hisownpetard]

13. Is that a command? Because the only knockers I know of are door knockers,

and I believe that would be very painful.

[trof]

23. KNOCKERS UP!

[hisownpetard]

25. Uhh... ???

:shrug:

[trof]

26. "Knockers Up!" - Rusty Warren

SHECKY!: You began your career as a singer/piano player. When and where did you make the transition to a full-time comedian?

RUSTY: I never started out as a commedienne. I was playing piano in small lounges and clubs when one of my bosses asked me if I knew any parodies? I didn't know what he meant, and when I found out I started to buy them (parodies) from places in New York that used to sell them by the page. He also said that he would give me more money if I would sing them along with my regular songs of the day. I did...he did ...and that's how it all started.
SHECKY!: You called yourself the "Mother of the Sexual Revolution" can you describe the climate in the country at the time you began performing your risqué act.

RUSTY: First of all, I never named myself the mother of anything! It was written about me in the '60s by a journalist who thought it cute to put that tag on me. I thought it was clever, so I adopted it and it stuck.
SHECKY!: Did the audiences have a hard time accepting a "bawdy" female comedian?

RUSTY: Oh, God, yes! Before I ever made albums I played my act every where I could get work. Many of the rooms weren't geared for my type of "sex talk," so I would get some walk-outs. Actually, most of the audience enjoyed what I was doing and it proved to be a great "material experience"-- what to use and what to throw out, because it just doesn't work. What a learning venue! In fact, the "Knockers Up " march was started in Dayton, Ohio, in a club called Mike Longo's. I was telling the gals to "get your knockers up " and let's show the guys we have something to give in this world today. My boss, Mike, started to go through the room trying to get the gals to throw out their "chests," and, as he was going through the room, I started playing a march rhythm on the piano and ad libbing words to what was going down. So that's how it happened and the rest became "Rusty Warren History." The Knockers Up March was born!!

http://www.sheckymagazine.com/rusty.htm

[hisownpetard]

31. I learn something every day on DU!! (That was quite a response to my one-stroke '?' !

:hi:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

15. Are kangaroo farts the answer to global warming?

Because of a bacteria in there system there is no methane in their farts,so scientist are trying to figure out how to transplant this bacteria to cows. Or at least part of the solution?





http://www.pretorianews.co.za/index.php?fSectionId=665&...


well, I think it is funny ....give Swede the credit.

[hisownpetard]

16. Wow. I need to mate my four dogs with some kangaroos, and soon!!

[Tuesday Afternoon]

17. dog jumping acvhieves new heights...Dogaroos or Kangadogs?

:D

[Writer]

19. Bean. n/t

[UrbScotty]

21. Pelosi: Impeachment of JeffR off the table

More at 11.

[BarenakedLady]

22. It worked for me once.

Perhaps it'll work for me again...

"What I wanna know is
Does America really run on Dunkin?"

and

"Oh and her (Rachel Ray) giggle makes me want to stick munchkins in my orifices."

I think my wit is broked.

[lost-in-nj]

24. Rachel Ray

=
the Anti-Christ.......



lost

[billyskank]

27. You need me to set it up. We're a team.

:hi:

[theredpen]

29. something so witty

That wasn't very hard.

[CreekDog]

32. How can you laugh at the death of a brazillian soldiers???!!!

That is soooooo low. What is the matter with DU these days?

:rofl:

:popcorn:

[CreekDog]

33. The Olive Garden: Mama-Mia! Now that's Italian!

:rofl:

:hide:

[Faygo Kid]

34. JeffR: Is he the best, or merely one of the top five, human beings of all time?

I'm not above a little pandering here.

[Perry Logan]

35. ...or so damn stupid it's bound to show up on "The Greatest."

[Arugula Latte]

36. Anagrams for "Give Me A Duzy, Jeff R":

* Give rum? Jeez, daffy! (I'll just have a beer, instead) :beer:

* Mega-jived fez fury! (A fez fury is crazy enough, but you don't want to experience a mega-jived one! :scared: )

* Jiffy eve maze drug (I think some of us took that stuff back in the Sixties)