To all the people in wheelchairs/scooters, the aged, blacks, browns, yellows, and whites - I'm sorry

[Deja Q]

Just because I look like I don't want to be in the same aisle or store at you does not mean you personally are making me nervous and uncomfortable.

Some people have had such a debilitating childhood that makes them clam up and unable to communicate at all. (I'll leave the past where it is, because the present is far more interesting.)

Do you know what it's like to go into an establishment just to be stared at, told you intimidate others by your very presence, or called a sinner (in so many words, and in so many ways, by so many people)?

Do you know such people don't want to make others feel intimidated, but their ability to control their fear is overwrought by the level of anxiety in those situations?

It happens. It is no joke, dream, fantasy, TV commercial for some bollocks drug that doesn't work anyway, et cetera.


And in those cases of hallway crossings, to hear comments like "Why is he afraid of people in wheelchairs", "He thinks we're just a bunch of n*****s", and so on. People like me (social cripples) are accused of being prejudicial, but what the hell do they happen to be doing? In a warped way, it's creating empathy because they've had to endure a lot of malfeasance from others too.

It's a pity groups of white people say "He thinks we're just a bunch of honky motherf*****s."

I know other people have perspectives. But this time I'm saying mine because people like me virtually never get a chance to have our side spoken and I'm going to say it. Social dysfunction is not racism, fear of an invalid running people over in his scooter, or anything else. It too prevents people from living their potential, and in a world that now praises butt-kissing over knowing a damn thing, it's now a prolonged death sentence too.



(Tangential Topic: If I didn't add "whites" in the subject line, what might you have thought?)

[nomorenomore08]

1. I have the same problem sometimes.

I get nervous being around unfamiliar people, even in settings (like stores) where I don't have to interact with them, and sometimes I wonder if they think I have something personal against them.

[Deja Q]

2. Thanks for responding!

It's bad enough to have to think of what they are thinking.

But it's worse when they actually say what they're thinking. And if it's in an aggressive tone, who would really want to turn a happy face and give lengthy explanations, certificate of pervasive developmental illness, et cetera, because they're not going to care anyway?

It's better to keep moving, finish up with why you're there, and go to a friendlier alcove...

[Redstone]

3. Redacted.

Redstone

[Deja Q]

4. You obviously don't understand.

Social anxiety disorder is more than flicking a switch and ridding one's self of feeling fear around PEOPLE. (Even people I know.)

Yes, I am trying to get on with life. (I've actually made a lot of progress in the last 10 years.)

No, I am not any more freaked out over one person's traits than any others. I should have said "EVERYONE" because that's what it boils down to.

Wanna play "freaky friday" for a day? Then I can understand you better...

And then you might understand me too.

[Redstone]

26. OK, I should have known better. You're right, I cannot understand your problems

because I don't have them.

I'll redact that earlier post if I still can.

Redstone

[BarenakedLady]

5. Avoidance

I understand what you are saying. I struggle to make eye-contact. I'm getting better, but on bad days I wonder if I'm giving the wrong impression.

[Deja Q]

8. Thanks.

Even with multiple revisions (I don't think I edited the OP, especially given the number of re-reads), I still give the wrong impression.

[AlCzervik]

6. i'm not sure why you think someone in a wheel chair would be thinking about

you over in the next aisle and whether or not you are avoiding them. My Uncle has been a quadriplegic since 1977 and i think he's got other things to be thinking about than your opinion about him and other quadriplegics.

[Deja Q]

10. Because, at the store yesterday, I was in my usual avoidance mode,

and someone in a wheelchair said "Happy Holidays" and after I passed I heard some words about some guy looking nervous at him.

Maybe he was talking about somebody else. :shrug:

It seemed awkward and inappropriate, as it does in most venues, to say "Hi. I have social anxiety that brewed from a childhood PDD and it's not you personally, I'm freaked out over everybody". Chances are, it's not going to help anything.

Maybe you're right. I probably have deep-seated paranoia too, what the hell.

[BarenakedLady]

15. Hypno

I've found that most of it is paranoia. Most of the times it is my own negative "voices" (not literally) and fears that I am projecting onto others.

It is hard for most people to understand how difficult it is to shut up those demons.

[Kutjara]

25. Anxiety disorders of the kind Hypno is talking about...

...are difficult for people who don't experience them to understand. Someone who has endured, for example, a childhood full of ridicule, bullying, and social ostracism, can grow up in an adversarial relationship with the world. They feel that the world is, in a sense, "out to get them." They tend to personalize every look, gesture, and offhand comment. Walking into a bar or restaurant can be an agonizing experience, because they interpret every glance from other people as judgment. The anxious person is tense, angry, afraid, waiting for the sarcastic remark or boorish laugh that must inevitably come their way.

It's easy for those who don't experience such fears to say "snap out of it" or "do you really think other people give a damn what you say or do?" but that isn't very helpful. You may as well say "snap out of it" to someone with diabetes or MS. The anxiety has become a biochemical reality, a fight/flight response switch that's permanently in the "on" position.

What makes social anxiety all the more debilitating is that, sometimes, the anxious person's fears come true. They are the butt of a remark or someone is laughing at them. Now, for a "normal person" with an undamaged sense of self-esteem, it would be relatively easy to shrug off such an unpleasant encounter by dismissing the other person as an asshole. For the socially anxious, however, the experience can be devastating. The remark or laugh is immediately internalized and becomes part of the person's own self image. Socially anxious people's personalities are exposed to the world like a raw wound. Everything infects them. They don't have the protective social immune system to resist the unpleasantness of others. When people are cruel or unkind to them, the injury goes down to the bone. The pain is unbearable. That's why they avoid contact whenever possible. It's just not worth it.

Those people who, despite their extreme anxiety, make the effort to connect with others, are heroes. They are risking everything they are for a little social contact, a little human warmth. Like a post-surgery patient in a mosh pit, they are risking the potentially fatal reopening of ragged wounds for a little shot at life.

[AlCzervik]

27. you do a good job of explaining it.

although i don't know what it's like i can imagine it must be very difficult.

[BarenakedLady]

29. Wow, that is spot on.

:applause:

Thank you for explaining it so eloquently.

:yourock:

[J-Lo Biafra]

7. That kinda sucks.

:(

[BarenakedLady]

9. That's not being helpful.

[Deja Q]

12. I think that person doesn't understand reality vs the relative freedom of anonymity

As if she'd really want to know about anyone's body parts, or even ask how serious I'm being when I make those posts. Or if I'm sober, or high, or anything else.

Or the point of the OP, which seems to be 50/50 right now.

And if I wasn't sincere on pulling my socks up, I would not have struggled through to continue living.

There really is something to be said about "being in the other person's shoes for a day" after all.

[skygazer]

11. Wondering about the effect of your anxiety produces more anxiety

Or so I would imagine. I think I understand what you're saying and and I give you a lot of credit for the work you've put into it. :hug:

[Deja Q]

14. It probably does. A "vicious circle" is an accurate descriptor.

I've tried the social group things as well; but once they get into topics - which usually involve jobs, I end up leaving because I don't want to end up in that situation.

[no name no slogan]

13. You know who else didn't like the aged, scooterers/wheelchairers, etc?

These guys

[Deja Q]

17. Ah, but the difference is - you've actually met me and know I don't re/act how most people do.

BTW: The equation to Hitler, complete with that synth music, was most distasteful and unbecoming.

[no name no slogan]

20. Sorry HT

just an attempt at Reichroll. Didn't mean no offense.

[Deja Q]

23. Thanks

:pals: :pals: :pals: :pals: :pals: :pals: :pals: :pals: :pals: :pals: :pals: :pals:

I am also known for taking things literally; even when I should know better I still end up taking it personally. Again, compared to 10 years ago, I've made big improvements, but there is quite a way to go in the journey to become more normal...

[Kutjara]

30. Yeah, and they were also utterly intolerant of people...

...with psychological problems. Your point?

[Tektonik]

16. Stay at home

Don't leave

[Deja Q]

18. I already do.

The times I could have had a tape recorder and prove people were saying those things helped sure enough.

The day a friend took me to a bar and reported back to me how I was making feel others uncomfortable just by sitting there was an eye-opener too.

[AlCzervik]

21. i can understand how that would be upsetting.

and i wish i had some sage advice to offer you but i don't, be well and try and remember there are people out there that do care about you.

[BarenakedLady]

19. You are being glib

However, for those with social anxiety, agorophobia is very easy to fall into.

[Deja Q]

22. Let that person have their say.

Every response, right down to criticisms and even parallels to Hitler has its merits.

[BarenakedLady]

24. Of course.

I was just pointing out how easy it would be.

Without therapy, medication and my own will, I could indeed become a hermit.

It tears me up that in this day and age, people with depression/anxiety issues are still made to feel like it just their own choice to be with way we are.

:(

[Blue Diadem]

28. Hypno,

:hug: