EXCELLENT article on Oprah.com about "sucking up to strangers for tiny morsels of approval"

[Amerigo Vespucci]

Think about it and stop fucking APOLOGIZING for who you are. FUCK 'em if they can't take a JOKE.

:toast:

THE HALO EFFECT
By Martha Beck

http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/200312/omag_200312_beck.jhtml

Are you the kind of person who thinks she's being good (self-sacrificing! angelic!) by cooing over things you hate and sucking up to strangers for tiny morsels of approval? Martha Beck encourages you to hang up your wings.

Causes and Consequences of Approval Prostitution

We approval whores are people who will do anything to get affirmation and acceptance from others. Approval whores like me tend to think that we're being good (saintly! angelic!) when we let others have their way with us in exchange for a hit of praise. The people in our lives are likely to reinforce our sickness, because we'll do pretty much anything to please them, and what's not to love about that?

Here's what: Being dependent on approval—so dependent that we barter away all our time, energy, and personal preferences to get it—ruins lives.

This is a good time of year to see what I'm talking about, because during the holidays even the most upstanding citizens are pressured to act a little slutty, approval-wise. You know the story: You coo in false delight while gnawing Aunt Wanda's petrified fruitcake or simulate ecstasy over a hand-knitted sweater that makes you look like an Amish land whale. Don't be ashamed; a little social prostitution during the holidays is virtually universal. However, if you are an approval whore year-round, this season may deepen your dysfunction to the point where your efforts to please become truly exhausting and other people's appreciation is less and less rewarding. If you feel drained or angry as the season progresses, it's time to get off the street. Learn to respect yourself. Give yourself the gift of the real you, clean and sober.

Pleasing others is like sex: When we do it because we really want to, it's a wonderfully life-affirming way to strengthen a relationship, but when it's motivated by obligation, powerlessness, or calculated advantage, it's the very definition of degrading. The key to an authentic emotional life, like the key to an authentic sex life, is to follow your real desires.

Suppose that every morning of this holiday season, you asked yourself what you really, truly wanted to do that day, and then did just that. Would you spend time you don't have buying things you can't afford for people you don't like? I didn't think so. Would you bake goodies, decorate, light the menorah or the Kwanzaa candles? Maybe. Would you engage in activities you love, in the places you love, with the people you love? Oh, yeah. That would be terrific!

So do it.

[Fire Walk With Me]

1. I myself always aim for the large morsels of approval.

My integrity will not allow me to settle for the small ones.

[Sugar Smack]

2. Don't be picking on Oprah *swat*.

:*

[Sugar Smack]

3. Never mind. Just read whole article.

Love author. The end.

[Rabrrrrrr]

4. How utterly and hilariously ironic that is in Oprah's magazine.

:rofl:


Seriously, I'm busting a guy over this one!

I could not possibly have been handed a better Christmas present this year.

:rofl:

[Sugar Smack]

5. Rabrrrrrr!

*I know you have a love-hate relationship with her*

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. No, it's more a love-hate-hate-hate-hate- hate-hate-hate-hate relationship.

If she wasn't a democrat who gives money to democratic and liberal causes, it'd be all hate.

[Sugar Smack]

8. You are too much,

babe.:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I freaking love you. And de gustibus non est disputandum.:loveya: :silly:

[Rabrrrrrr]

9. I'm still right, though. It IS fucking hilariously ironic.

[Sugar Smack]

10. You're just mad cause she didn't give you a car.

:P

[crim son]

7. Geez, I'd hate to make myself feel "drained and angry"

when all I have to do to avoid it is tell Aunt Mabel her hand-knit sweater is a gruesome monstrosity. :sarcasm:

[DS1]

11. I can safely say I've never had this problem

and don't care how that affects your opinion of me :P