Are You Shy Around Strangers?

[arwalden]

Or are you one who is comfortable with self-introductions and with initiating conversations? (You know... when you go to your SO's office party and the only person you know is the one you arrived with. Or when you're attending a reception or meet-n-greet among peers or parents, PTA, and the like.)

-- Allen

[GOPisEvil]

1. Very shy around people I don't know well.

But around people I am close with, I can be the life of the party.

Go figger! :shrug:

[arwalden]

4. I Would Not Have Expected That Answer From You...

"Go Figger" is right!

-- Allen

[TSIAS]

2. Categorize myself as shy

I'm pretty talkative around people I know even a little bit. Just not very good around strangers.

I'm completely comfortable with my close friends.

[Terwilliger]

3. why do ya think I hang out at DU all day?

Chatting people up with text and smileys is easy :hi:

[Kamika]

5. I always talk

I've been told I talk to much heh..

And when ppl don't talk I think they dislike me..

I think it's some Texas thing

[Bertha Venation]

6. Work: WAY outgoing. Personal: shy.

I have to be outgoing and gregarious at work. My bosses' clients visit: I greet them, welcome them, schmooze them, get them beverages, take them to their meetings or the boss's office, etc. I don't mind. It's a learned skill and I'm very good at it.

Personally though -- I'm VERY shy. Quiet as a mouse.

[supernova]

7. Cautious around strangers

Used to be painfully shy. I can come across as aloof, uninterested. I could never do speed dating for instance. Just not my cuppa. It takes more time for me to become comfortable around others.

But I've graduated to merely cautious now. Sometimes it's still hard for me to meet people. But I do try. I wish I knew more places/people to go out with. *Sigh*

[Az]

8. People get worried around me sometimes

My natural position is reclusive. This is more because I like contemplating things. I am either on or off. If the conversation is one that engages me I will be ON. When meeting new people I do not know what they can contribute so I prime the pump as it were and get them to open up so I can find any interesting bits in their personality.

[terrya]

9. I'm the type who will find a person I know and glom onto them.

I'm very shy. And extrememly bad at small talk.

I'm not much of a mixer, I'm afraid.

Terry

[arwalden]

10. I Do Okay At Parties... But NEVER At Bars

I do better at parties after a couple of drinks... and I do WORSE at bars after a few drinks.

Isn't that odd? There must be something very revealing about that. Something that should be serving as a warning sign I suppose.

-- Allen

[terrya]

11. I would have thought that you'd be outgoing at both parties and bars.

You're so outgoing here. You have the personality that flourshes in all surroundings.

I'm sort of surprised at your comments about yourself.

Terry

[arwalden]

22. Thanks For The Compliment! But Way Back When...

When I was hanging out at singles bars the folks there seemed to be more judgmental (go figure) and cliquish (duh!)... so sometimes it was difficult to make inroads. Also, because the atmosphere at a singles bar is often sexually "charged" it contributes to the frustration.

Simple "missed connections" are interpreted as personal rejections... and the personal rejections can often deliver a crushing blow to one's sense of personal worth.

That gun-shy feeling can be overwhelming and can easily cause normally friendly folks to withdraw and simply observe and wait (which provides more control) instead of actively trying to make friends. There's only so much a person can take before their confidence level has deteriorated to nil.

-- Allen

[CrownPrinceBandar]

19. I'm the same...

I hate meeting people at bars. Feels too impersonal. It seems that the conversation is much more furtive at parties. In those situations, I'm a very social butterfly. Dinner parties especially.

[Edge]

12. Shy? heck no.

I'm never shy.

[skippysmom]

13. a little of both

I tend to be very reserved with people when I first meet them. Once I get to know people and get comfortable with them, I open up more and let my personality show.

I hate going to events with a lot of schmoozing and a lot of strangers -- I am horrible at small talk.

[buddhamama]

14. painfully shy

around people i do not know. most people take this as snobiness, bitch,whatever.

i try and smile a lot which helps somewhat to put them at ease.

i am quiet person by nature.
i'm not much of talker even with friends.

[truthspeaker]

15. Shy. Used to be painfully shy - thank you Paxil!

[LizW]

17. Is that the stuff for social anxiety?

Every time I hear those commercials, I think, "Oh my god, I have that." :(

[truthspeaker]

20. Yes. Your mileage may vary of course.

It's the same class of drug (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) as the antidepressants Prozac and Celexa, but for some reason seems to treat social anxiety as well. In my case it is more effective for treating social anxiety than depression.

If you are thinking about taking it do some research on your own, then talk to a doctor/shrink. It has some side effects and withdrawal symptoms. I find them manageable but every person reacts differently, and you should always get informed before deciding to take any drug.

[scottcsmith]

16. Shy and it triggers panic attacks

...sometimes. Usually it's just intense anxiety, but there have been a few occasions where being around strangers triggered a panic attack. The starlight parade at Disney World invoked one of the worst panic attacks I've ever had, I ran into a nearby store and hid, my heart pounding, out of breath, and losing a battle to maintain my composure.

[youngred]

18. Painfully shy

I always wait for someone else to say something first...which means I do a lot of waiting... :-(

[mvd]

21. Used to be painfully shy, and still am shy

It's that I'm too self-conscious.

[Westegg]

23. Painfully shy...

Debilitatingly shy. From early on. When I was four years old, I refused to go to the birthday party of the little girl next door. Because I was afraid. I can distantly recall standing next to the fence between our houses, alone, and listening to the sounds of that party. I will always remember, to my dying day, that the girl's parents gave my parents a bag of party favors to give to me afterwards.

My father, a psychiatrist, says that shyness is hereditary. He's the most shy person I know, so that makes sense.

I spent many years drinking to overcome my shyness. It worked---to a point. But alcohol has its downside, as we know. These days, I try to have faith in myself, and try to keep things in perspective. It's a daily struggle.

So much easier to write this anonymously than to have to say it out loud!

[supernova]

24. The Highly Sensitive Person- Y'all Please Read!!

I hate feeling like an televangelist hawking saviorwares everytime this subject comes up at DU, but dammit IT WORKS.

I swear this book is a tremendous help. It was to me. The book is The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron, Ph.D. She doesn't call what we are "shy." She calls it being "highly sensitive." "Shy" is a derogatory term used by a mostly gregarious society to define us "highly sensitives" who are a minority of the population.

She goes on to reframe and place high value on the vary traits we all say here in this thread are a great hinderance in our lives. They're not. You just have to learn how to live with them, both for yourself and for your community. And Elain Aron's work is all bout that. Best of all, you can check out her work at the same time you are doing other things, like Paxil if you need it.

Anyway, here's the book at amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0553062182/qid=1075839336/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/103-7874181-2280644

Elain Aron's website:
http://www.hsperson.com/

edit: code. Just check her out and see what you think. That's all I ask.

[arwalden]

26. Thank You For Sharing That, Supernova!

:hi:

-- Allen

[geniph]

25. Unsurprisingly, since we're all sitting on the Internet

taking this poll instead of interacting in RL, this skews heavily toward the less-socialized among us. ;-)

I'm less shy in a situation where I'm self-confident, which basically translates into "work." I'm nowhere near as shy at work as I am in any kind of social situation.

Unfortunately for my social life, I tend to overcompensate for extreme timidity in situations where I do not feel confident by being a bit too boisterous - or else I go and hide altogether. I don't seem to have a happy midpoint. Might explain why I have so few friends. Well, that and the fact that I'm too lazy to actually leave the house to go interact with people.

I have ZERO ability at small talk, and tend to forget minor obvious courtesies such as introducing myself, asking people how they are, things like that. After I say hello, I'm pretty much at a loss unless I'm talking work or politics. With people who aren't interested in technology, history, or politics, I'm kind of useless conversationally.

[CrownPrinceBandar]

29. I can relate...

Hope you don't mind if I quote your post.

*snip*

"I have ZERO ability at small talk, and tend to forget minor obvious courtesies such as introducing myself, asking people how they are, things like that. After I say hello, I'm pretty much at a loss unless I'm talking work or politics. With people who aren't interested in technology, history, or politics, I'm kind of useless conversationally."

No small talk? I actually see that as a good thing. I get so tired of people running their mouths for the sheer pleasure to hear themselves speak. I would rather talk about something meaningful, than just bullshit about what happened on "All My Children."

I feel the same way. But recently, I stepped back and looked at the folks I was having interactions with. Either they were not very talkative either (and moments of awkward silence ensues) or they were SO into themselves that they didn't even notice that I was there and would talk over me anyway. In some strange way, I took comfort from this in that it wasn't me, it was the folks I chose to interact with.

Take heart!

Foamdad.

[Astarho]

27. I'm even shy talking to people I know

Although, I actually asked a girl out the other night

She turned me down (as usual).

[Lindsay]

28. Painfully shy around people I don't know well.

Moderately shy around people I know moderately well.

A wacko around my few close friends.

I've read Dr. Aron's book and recommend it as well. I have her workbook as well, but haven't worked through it.

[NoPasaran]

30. Really really really shy

Although I've been forcing myself to get out a bit lately because it's hard to retake the country by oneself.
I'm comfortable with my solitude. It's only when I'm around other people that I feel alone.

[Pithlet]

31. It depends

If I feel I'm with a group of people who are very friendly and open, then I'm fine. If I'm not sure, or a group seems exclusive, then I'm more withdrawn. That doesn't happen too often, but an example would be a Gymboree type place that I went to. It's in a ritzy area, so most of the moms there were rich, and in a showy way. I'm not poor, but I'm not the flashy type that drives a BMW and wears designer clothes, either. They seemed awfully cliquish at first, and I was very shy around them. After awhile it got fun, and I even made a couple of good friends.

I'm really surprised at some of the responses of those that say they're shy. The internet is an amazing thing.

[AlFrankenFan]

32. Pretty shy

but i try to speak more now.

[Skittles]

33. OH YES, I AM SHY ALLEN

REALLY F***ING SHY. :7