Gin-Soaked Craig Kilborn Shows Up Broke, Homeless At SportsCenter Studio

[varkam]

BRISTOL, CT—Craig Kilborn, the former host of The Late Late Show With Craig Kilborn, actor from the film The Benchwarmers, and SportsCenter anchor from 1993 to 1997, was spotted at 5:30 a.m. this morning broke, homeless, and passed out in front of ESPN's SportsCenter studios.

According to ESPN sources, Kilborn appeared even thinner and more frail than usual, reeked of cigarette smoke and gin, and his clothes—a moth-eaten dark suit that may have been the same one he wore in his last-ever SportsCenter appearance—were in tatters. Kilborn was reportedly only wearing one shoe at the time of his discovery.

Onlookers stated that, upon being woken up from his drunken stupor, the still-inebriated Kilborn asked to be shown to his "regular dressing room." The gangly, 6'5" former anchor then eluded security for long enough to stumble down the studio halls and blurt out random catchphrases from his broadcasting days at SportsCenter, including but not limited to "Gettin' giddy in the zone," "If it feels good, do it," and "The low angle spank!"

Craiggers is back, people," said Kilborn, whose signature gelled blond hair was described in a later police report as dank and lice-ridden. "Nothing to be afraid of, folks. This is just Kilby simply being Kilby. Release. Rotation. Splash."

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Link

:rofl: I love The Onion...

[Yukari Yakumo]

1. John Stweart and Craig Ferguson would like to say...

... thanks for starting the shows they made popular.

[Oeditpus Rex]

2. About 20 years ago, Kilborn was a teevee sports idiot

in this market.

I was with a group that was coordinating the volunteers for the station's MDA Telethon in... must've been 1988. They'd just moved into new facilities, and we got the nickel tour. There was one room that was empty except for a couple of boxes; it was a rather large room, maybe 30 by 20.

Sayeth the guy showing us around, "This is where we keep Craig Kilborn's ego."

[stanwyck]

3. I feel sorry for him if he's struggling, but

my empathy is less than what it should be because of his blatant misogyny and sexism. His aging frat-boy persona just wasn't enough to sustain a career. Amazing what Jon Stewart has done with The Daily Show. I guess that's the difference intelligence, hard work, and respect for other people makes.

[Magrittes Pipe]

5. Life is more fun if you read the OP.

It's from The Onion, a satirical newspaper. It's a joke.

[YDogg]

4. heh

[HuskerDU]

6. I wonder what he is actually up to these days.

If nothing else at least he said, 'corporate pawn' every time he said, 'Newt Gingrich' on the Daily Show.

Damn funny Onion piece!

:rofl: