How to Stuff Your Parrot for the Holidays

[Kat45]

Ingredients:
>
> * One turkey
> * Corn pudding
> * Green beans
> * Stuffing
> * Sweet potatoes
> * Mashed potatoes with gravy
> * Cranberry sauce
> * Hot rolls
> * Relish tray
> * Pumpkin pie
> * Whipped cream
> * Hot coffee
>
> Get up early in the morning & have a cup of coffee. It's going to be a long day, so place your Parrot on a perch nearby to keep you company while you prepare the meal.
>
> Remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.
>
> Prepare stuffing, and remove Parrot from edge of stuffing bowl and return him to perch.
>
> Stuff turkey & place it in the roasting pan, and remove Parrot from edge of pan and return him to perch. Have another cup of coffee to steady your nerves.
>
> Remove Parrot's head from turkey cavity and return him to perch, and re-stuff the turkey.
>
> Prepare relish tray, and remember to make twice as much so that you'll have a regular size serving after the Parrot has eaten his fill. Remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.
>
> Prepare cranberry sauce, discard berries accidentally flung to the floor by Parrot.
>
> Peel potatoes, remove Parrot from edge of potato bowl and return him to perch.
>
> Arrange sweet potatoes in a pan & cover with brown sugar & mini marshmallows. Remove Parrot from edge of pan and return him to perch. Replace missing marshmallows.
>
> Brew another pot of coffee. While it is brewing, clean up the torn filter. Pry coffee bean from Parrot's beak. Have another cup of coffee & remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.
>
> When time to serve the meal:
>
> Place roasted turkey on a large platter, and cover beak marks with strategically placed sprigs of parsley.
>
> Put mashed potatoes into serving bowl, re-whip at last minute to conceal beak marks and claw prints.
>
> Place pan of sweet potatoes on sideboard, forget presentation as there's no way to hide the areas of missing marshmallows.
>
> Put rolls in decorative basket, remove Parrot from side of basket and return him to perch.
>
> Remove beaked rolls, serve what's left.
>
> Set a stick of butter out on the counter to soften -- think better and return it to the refrigerator.
>
> Wipe down counter to remove mashed potato claw tracks. Remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.
>
> Cut the pie into serving slices. Wipe whipped cream off Parrot's beak and place large dollops of remaining whipped cream on pie slices.
>
> Whole slices are then served to guests, beaked-out portions should be reserved for host & hostess.
>
> Place Parrot inside cage & lock the door.
>
> Sit down to a nice relaxing dinner with your family -- accompanied by plaintive cries of "WANT DINNER!" from the other room.
>
> Happy Holidays!!
>
>

[Fire Walk With Me]

1. 'E's pinin' for the Fjords!

(And I've been meaning to mention, Grace is a beautiful, radiant bird!)

[Kat45]

11. THank you for the compliment for Grace.

That's my favorite picture of her; besides showing how cute she is, it also expresses her personality.

[poiuytsister]

2. Very good

There is a similar story regarding wrapping Xmas presents with a cat that I would love to find again.

Anybody have it?

[MissHoneychurch]

9. Here it is

How to wrap presents with a cat


1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag from wardrobe.

3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.

7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string. Remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.

9. Reopen drawer and re-remove cat.

10. Remove present from bag.

11. Remove cat from bag.

12. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

13. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

14. Try to smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.

15. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.

16. Throw away first sheet as cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.

17. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.

18. Place present on cut to size paper.

19. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges now don't reach and realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.

20. Place object on paper to hold in place while cutting transparent sticky tape.

21. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

22. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

23. Look for roll of ribbon, chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.

24. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two directional turn.

25. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper that is now torn due to cat's enthusiasm to chase ribbon end.

26. Repeat steps 13 - 20 until down to last sheet of paper.

27. Decide to skip steps 13- 17 in order to save time and reduce risk of loosing last sheet of paper by retrieving old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.

28. Put present in box and tie down with string.

29. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

30. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.

31. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.

32. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock

33. Repeat previous step as often as necessary until you can hear the cries from the cat outside the door.

34. Lay out last sheet of paper. (I know this is difficult in the small area of the bathroom, but try your best.)

35. Realize that cat has already gotten to the paper. Unlock door, go out and hunt through various cupboards looking for sheets of last year's paper, until you remember that you haven't got any left due to cat's help with wrapping last year.

36. Retire back to room, lock door and sit on toilet while trying to work out how to make a torn sheet of paper look halfway presentable.

37. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.

38. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.

39. Unlock door and go to kitchen to make a drink and feed the cat.

40. Spend the next 15 minutes looking for cat before coming to obvious conclusion...

41. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

42. Retrieve all thrown away sheets of wrapping paper, feed the cat and retire to room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.

43. Find least torn and wrinkled sheets of paper along with the ones that the pattern matches closest.

44. Vainly try and wrap present in patchwork paper. Tie with the now tattered ribbon and decorate with the now limp bows. Label and put present in bag for fear of anyone seeing this disaster.

45. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at the receiver's face as they try to hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.

46. Swear to yourself that next year you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you!

[Digit]

3. If my feathered gal was able to run wild on the countertop, this would be a reality

[Kat45]

12. Digit, you have a grey?

I didn't know that. Tell me about him/her.

[Digit]

18. She is a hoot, 9 years old now, and momma's lil girl

A feathered vamp, she is a flirt with any man who comes into my home.
She will talk right to my face, and even in front of company. A clown at heart, she always
tries to make me laugh.
She watches me constantly. If I put my head in my hands, she will say "Oh God"...guess I must have said just that one time...now it just makes me laugh.
When the phone rings and I go to answer it, she will say "hello" at the same time I do.
In the evenings, she will ask me, "Are you going on the 'puter?"
She talks ALOT.

It amazes me that a cute little bird can show so much love.

[Zephyrbird]

19. CAGs are a hoot, aren't they??!!!

My Zephyr has to be in the bathroom for the shower, but when it comes time for dental hygiene, he's all up in my face.

He sits on the sink, grabs my pinkie in his beak, and goes back and forth with the toothbrush motion. Then he will curl up his toes, put his foot by his beak, and make that clicking sound that dental floss makes when you pull it out from between your teeth: click click click, and his foot goes back to his beak and then he jerks it away, CLICK...CLICK...CLICK he says.

Gargling is the funniest of all. When he sees the mouthwash bottle come out, he makes this horrible choking gargling sound: QUEEEEKGAGAGA SPIT!

My dentist thinks it's a real hoot!

[Zephyrbird]

4. OMG!!!

So funny!!

And here I was making stuffed mushrooms for dinner tomorrow, and four--ah said fourah!!--friggin' birds were all over me trying to figure out what was in the pan!

Gimme cheese! Gimme onion! Gimme that funny round thing! What's that sausage!!!???

I love my birds!! Even when they're bad!!

[Kat45]

13. What kind of birds do you have?

Did they steal any of your food?

[Zephyrbird]

16. I have...

A sun conure, Belle (who is the pig of the place), a cockatiel, Izzie (one of the ones wanting everything), a Quaker, CurleyJo, and an African Grey, Zephyr.

Oh yes, they are food thieves extraordinaire. CurleyJo LOVES chicken and beef, it's so weird! But he sticks his beak in my ear and says, "MMMmmmmMMMM, yum yum, want some, Curley?" until I give him what he wants. Zephyr will sneak up and bite my toes if I don't give him some also.

They're full of character, those boids!!!

[Maraya1969]

5. That was funny! I've had a parrot and can relate to everything you said.

I was eating spaghetti once and he kept saying "How ya doin?" which was his way of telling me he wanted some. I didn't feel like sharing this time so I ignored him. Several minutes later I heard this crash! I look over and he had taken one of those big mineral blocks and thrown it over the top of the cage.

And then he said "How ya doin?"

He got the spaghetti.



What type is your parrot. She is beautiful.

[Kat45]

14. I love the story of your bird. They are smart.

Grace is a pacific parrotlet, a parrot species that is only 4 inches tall (with lots of personality crammed into that little package). But of course they all think they're as big as their Amazon cousins. :)

What kind of bird is/was yours?

[Maraya1969]

17. Mesa was a blue fronted Amazon. I loved him like he was a little kid.

He died one day so suddenly. I was heartsick.

Now I just have one dog although I'm sure my family will grow again.

[Lady Freedom]

6. This needs kicked up!

[poiuytsister]

7. I agree n/t

[SPKrazy]

8. I just stuff mine with

CRACKERS POLLY!

[Justpat]

10. We just have a small Quaker parrot

but this is EXACTLY what it is like here today.

[Kat45]

15. Quakers are cool birds.

There are colonies of them living in areas in the US, including in cold climates. I think NY and CT are two of them.

[Lord Wortherington]

20. I'm surprised nobody has done the 'Dead Parrot' routine

from Monty Python for this thread.