Pleaes help keep me from turning my fundie psycho aunt into a post-toastie

[MorningGlow]

Because I swear to gods, I'm THISCLOSE to doing something really vicious. Or, even worse, listening to her.

The deets: MG Jr.'s fourth birthday party yesterday. Fundie psycho aunt in attendance. We were discussing something about Jr.'s upbringing--I forget what--and she blurted out, "Well, your mother raises him more than you do!" I was stunned into silence. My mother jumped in and tried to explain it away as if my aunt meant that something that Jr. did that was naughty was her fault because it happened when she was babysitting him. Didn't work, but it was a nice try. Actually what fundie aunt meant to say was that anything Jr. does that is good is because my mother is raising him.

Now, I should NOT care what this aunt of mine thinks or says, because she's a fundie psycho with a lot of anger management issues who loves to judge everyone in her path in equal measure and without restraint. (Wait...that's the definition of a fundie, right?)

But for her to imply that I was shunting off the raising of my son onto grandma was beyond the pale. Yes, my mother babysits, but not 24/7 and not so I can lounge around the house without the kid bugging me. I have a busy freelance business, in addition to a ripped-up house that needs renovating, and she takes him when I have a lot of work to do and I need to concentrate or when a lot of plaster dust or power tools are going to be flying. (Jr. is in a "Mama...Mama...Mama..." phase.)

I had NO IDEA she felt that way. And I know I shouldn't care because she's, well, a fundie psycho. But I have to admit her comment stung. I'm still hurt and angry today even though I've tried to shake it off.

I love my aunt because she's my aunt, but I really REALLY don't like her much, if you know what I mean...

Any suggestions on how to turn off the Peter Petrelli knee-jerk electric-zap-from-the-palm? :shrug:

[idgiehkt]

1. wow.

Wow. wow. wow.

You are right on the definition of fundie. Is it possible that your mom is resentful of babysitting and venting to this woman, who in turn might have seen herself as standing up for her? In my family (almost all of whom are fundies except my spineless sister who just acts like one when it's to her benefit) there is almost always trashing of people going on behind the scenes that eventually spills out onto the trashee (more often than not, me) in an unconvenient moment, leaving them pretty stunned.

My mother always does the explaining away thing as well, which drives me insane. It's crazy-making, because what happened happened, and that was offensive enough, but then along comes my mom to tell me, no dear, that really didn't happen, (in other words, not only am I offended by what person X did, I'm delusional and paranoid as well). Sigh. No answers, just commiseration.

edited a pronoun. my posts make less and less sense.... :eyes:

[MorningGlow]

4. Thanks for the commisseration

Sucks, doesn't it? It's possible that my mom griped to my fundie psycho aunt, because my mom is a complainer by nature--she's very free with sharing how she feels at any given moment, and sure, sometimes Jr. can be feisty enough to make you want to sell him to a traveling carnival, so I wouldn't blame her. But the funny thing is, if I kept Jr. home more, she'd read me the riot act. Her complaining is short-lived; her desire to spend time with Jr. overriding.

I do know that my mom loves her grandson immensely and does enjoy having him around--especially because she never got to see her other grandchild, my brother's daughter, as she was growing up because they live across the country. So she values the time with Jr.

I think I'm totally irritated by my aunt's big mouth. She has no "censor" button--when she's in a bad mood, she just lets fly without thinking.

[DarkTirade]

2. Wait a minute, let me get this straight...

you want to know how to NOT zap her with 1.21 gigawatts of electricity?

[MorningGlow]

5. Uh...wait a minute...

You're right! BRING ON THE PETRELLI!

[ThomCat]

3. I think you have shown remarkable restraint.

If I were in your situation I know how I'd respond. I'd give instructions to Mom that I don't want her discussing me or my child with fundie-psycho-aunt. I'd cut fundie-psycho-aunt and her judgements entirely out of our lives and let her be happy with total silence. I'd make it clear that how I raise my child is none of her damned business.
x(

[MorningGlow]

6. DH is on the verge of forbidding her to see Jr.

He really, REALLY hates her (even though he swears he doesn't) and she put her foot in it several times last night. Including--oh this is a good one--trying to stop Jr. from using his left hand to eat. Yes, the old-fashioned notion that "left-handed people are the devil's minions" is fresh in her brain. Best of all: DH is left-handed!
:rofl:

You know, I just remembered...when I was little, my mother DID cut off all communication with my aunt for several years, mainly because she was trying to tell my mother how to live her life and that she was raising me wrong.

She's lucky she's lasted this long in the family, I think!

[ThomCat]

7. Good! Then it's almost family tradition to cut her off.

She won't be surprised! :P

[MorningGlow]

8. Hee!

Before that occurs, however, I played the family-mind-games trump this afternoon and asked my mom if I unload the kid on her too much. Now she's pissed at me for even thinking it, and she's even more pissed at my aunt for running her mouth. That means she'll read my aunt the riot act before the sun goes down.

I love family politics. :P

[LynneSin]

9. Stop inviting her to family events

Clearly she does not approve of what you are doing so stop inviting her over. That'll give her a hint

[MorningGlow]

10. I do wish I could

Alas, most of the events are hosted by my mom (her sister) and our family friend who was my now-deceased uncle's (their brother) ladyfriend. They're all in the same suburb, but DH and I live out in the hinterlands--not so very far, really, but as elderly folk, they see signs on the map that say "Here Be Dragons", so they won't come here. Plus there's all that crap about "hardly anybody in the family still alive" yadda yadda so we all have to stick together etc.

Plus I have halfway decent memories that DH doesn't share--when she was half-normal, she was like a second mom to me (o the irony--she has no kids of her own), but she completely flipped out when her husband died about 15 years ago and we don't get along so very well now.

On edit: Anger makes for bad grammar...