DUers -- in what ways would Bush be incompetent at your job, if he ever had to do it?

[Lisa]

It occurs to me that, as imperfect as I am, things would be even worse if my employers were to hire George W. Bush as my replacement.

I teach university and college-level courses on topics like geography, resource management, environmental science, and research design.

1) From his Yale transcript, and his remarks over the past few years, he doesn't seem to have any background in the areas listed above. My contract stipulates that I have to cover the topics listed in the course catalogue -- if I don't give the students an adequate background, they are going to have trouble in next term's courses, and they and the rest of the faculty will be upset with me. To give him the benefit of the doubt, I guess he could work hard and read up, but ... wait, this is Dubya we're talking about here. Forget I suggested that.
http://www.dubyaspeak.com/geographer.phtml
http://www.dubyaspeak.com/energy.phtml

2) Part of this job involves answering lots of questions from students, even late at night or on your day off (via e-mail). Sometimes the questions are not very clear, or may even be impertinent -- but you can't get angry or impatient, because it puts people off. You have to be upbeat, friendly, and thoughtful, even when you're faced with questions that you yourself might not know the answers to just then. Dubya has a habit of belittling questioners or accusing them of being out to get him, and this doesn't go down well (students remember it at course evaluation time).

3) Dubya seems to go out of his way to be overly-familiar with complete strangers -- rubbing people's heads, or fondling high-ranking VIPs like the German Chancellor. Most schools have policies that forbid this kind of contact with students. If a male faculty member crept up behind a female student and did an "unsolicited shoulder rub" there could well be a sexual assault charge.


Okay -- so if they hire Bush instead of me, the school might have to cope with angry students and faculty, possible legal action, and bad press that could affect things like the national university ranking results. Anybody else want to weigh on the type of havoc he could wreck, at your workplace?

[YellowRubberDuckie]

1. There is no way he could do ANY PART of my job.

I'm not going to be conceited and say it's hard, because we've worked really hard at streamlining it, but I have to get my ass kissed all day by realtors. He could never handle that. Then there's all the ass at the USDA I have to kiss, and all the paperwork I have to do...It's a little difficult to find a balance! :evilgrin:
Duckie

[Lisa]

6. yes, he's lousy at being nice to people at government agencies ...

Extended networking, reciprocal arrangements, complimentary contact, etc. (all synonyms for "ass-kissing") -- if he thinks he outranks people, or that they won't bring him immediate benefit, he sees no reason to try!

The really insidious thing I've found about streamlining, YellowRubberDuckie -- if you do a great job at it, most people don't even realize that you did a great job, because it's "so intuitive".

[GOPisEvil]

2. He is unwilling to compromise.

My job is a lot of negotiation and acceptance of the truth.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. Oh, boy...

I don't think it would be a good idea to let Boy George do my job. I'm a flight instructor.

[Lisa]

7. can we pass a law banning him from your job?

http://www.seanet.com/~johnco/bush102.htm

"Donnie Evans remembered a similar story involving an airplane. He told David Maraniss that less than a year after George W. first got back to Midland he came over to Donnie's house and told him he wanted to take a single-engine Cessna for a little joyride. They drove over to the airfield and got in the plane. Then George W. realized he didn't have a clue how to fly a Cessna.

"The guy didn't even know how to start the thing," Evans reportedly said. "That was a bad omen. Finally we get it started and roll down the runway, and he tries to take it straight up like a jet! We go into a stall, buzzcrs are going off. I say, 'Give it some gas!' We finally get it airborne, and he decides he better turn around and go back. I can tell he's nervous, but he says, 'Okay, Evvie, got it under control.' We come down and he lands half on the runway and half on the grass. And then he pats my leg and says don't worry, and he takes it up again. This time he's so scared he says, 'Hey, let's fly around Midland.' He had to get his confidence up. Somehow we got back safely. He's never flown again."

[Aristus]

4. In EVERY way...

Dubyah is a total fuck-up. :dunce:

[graywarrior]

5. He has absolutely no humanity

He does not understand the cultural arts.

[jpgray]

8. Well, I've often heard he can't do nothing right

[liberaltrucker]

9. See username

Need I say more?

:shrug:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

14. George careening down the interstate in a Peterbilt....

:scared:

[Critters2]

10. My job involves public speaking. Nuff said. nt

[TZ]

11. Too scary!!

I work in a research lab with all sorts of chemicals and dyes...Either A) He would blow something up orrr he would try too hard to see the pretty colors and contaminate EVERYTHING.....:hide:

[Lisa]

13. pics from his visit to an ethanol research facility ...

(Minutes after the bottom photo was taken, he reportedly knocked over one of the sample containers ... I admit I'm a bit of a klutz in the lab, but knowing that, I always keep my hands to myself!)

[Der Blaue Engel]

12. I'm an editor on the Internets

He wouldn't have a fucking clue. Plus, the job involves reading.

[greatauntoftriplets]

15. I show up at the time that I am expected....

Given his record in the TANG, I doubt that he would do that.

[FloridaJudy]

16. Oh, Jeez: people would die (as if they aren't already)

There is no way in hell that man would ever make it through Nursing School. You have to be willing to learn, and you have to able to accept correction when you foul up.

I'd maybe trust him to hand out the meal trays, but only with close supervision

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

17. I am an attorney at a legal aid firm

Where do I begin?

1. He'd snort and smirk at our indigent applicants and tell them to just get a job and pull themselves up by their bootstraps

2. He'd be too ignorant to find the courthouse and end up at a basketball arena or something. Or he'd file things in the COMPLETELY wrong court and get his ass timestamped instead of petitions.

3. He'd copy his ass on the copier and fax the copy to opposing counsel and the court


There are so many more I could dream up, but there just isn't enough time.

[eyesroll]

19. I'm a law student -- he'd wonder why he wasn't planted with the answer before Socratic questioning.

And then he'd try to submit this in legal writing:

http://www.legalreader.com/archives/images/motion_to_kiss.pdf

[insanity]

39. heh

That was pretty good.

[alarimer]

18. I am pretty sure he would kill someone in my job

Not that my job is particularly dangerous (although people have died while doing it- by drowning). I am sure he would manage to run the boat aground or into something and that would be that for someone.

And he would probably manage to get himself stuck by 5 or 6 stingrays or something.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

20. He'd never follow the conductor for one thing...

I'm pretty sure his violin playing would sound like a chain saw in need of a lube job.

[Lisa]

27. Don't let him anywhere near your violin!

Or any other valuable musical instrument ...

"He was the head football cheerleader his senior year, a member of his class rock-and-roll band, the Torqueys – not singing or playing an instrument but clapping ..."
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/campaigns/wh2000/stories/bush072799.htm

"But at another rally, Bush unwittingly reinforced his white, elitist image when he stood on stage with a singing and clapping African American gospel choir and clapped so completely off rhythm that he finally had to step away."
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2000/02/25/MN138.DTL

[Pale Blue Dot]

21. I'm a teacher of mostly black and hispanic youths.

It's hard to count the number of ways that he would leave those children behind.

:grr:

[DS1]

22. George W. Bush would find a way to light a set of servers on fire

they have lots of fans to prevent overheating, but I'm sure he'd do something that would send the processors into overdrive and catch fire.

Stupidity has its way. Just like Jeff Goldblum said in Jurassic Park, only modified to take into account how fucking dumb that fucker is.

[SeattleGirl]

23. Well, let's see. There are a lot of requirements for my job, but

I can tell you right now, Bush would be disqualified on just one thing: Confidentiality.

We all know Bush likes to spy, and wiretap, etc. He wouldn't last a single day in my job.

[madrchsod]

24. well ...i`ve worked at two steel forging plants

and a steel mill and i know he would`t last a day. well if he did ,he`dburn the shit out of the crew if he worked with at the forge plants and the steel mill...i would`t want to think of the havoc he`d reap before they could fire him...

[Danger Mouse]

25. I work with emotionally disturbed kids...the job requires patience and compassion...

and a willingness to listen.
Needless to say, Bush would be as good a fit for the job as Cobra Commander.

[flvegan]

26. At MY job? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAHA!!

Oh, sweet jeebus, stop. It hurts. My chest. Oh, man.

I'd love the chance to fire that fuckwad, though (I'm teh boss, eh).

[XemaSab]

28. When I have a job, it's as a biologist with environmental consulting firms.

He is in NO WAY qualified to do the job. :)

[Heidi]

29. I'm guessing he might not do as well with oil colors, gold leaf, etc., as I do.

He strikes me as more of a Jumbo Crayola Crayons kind of guy.

[Lisa]

30. I'm just imagining him covered with paint, fake cowboy boots and all

... and yelling at a square of gold leaf because it won't go where he's ordering it to go!

Actually, the Crayola people would be shaking their heads ... he's quite capable of stepping on one and losing his balance entirely.

[Heidi]

31. Hahahahahahaha!

I have that same problem with gold leaf sometimes. Gold leaf is tricky that way, though. :rofl:

Hi, Lisa! :hi:

[tjwmason]

32. Proof-reading

An important part of my job is proof-reading documents before they're sent to external verifers - somehow I don't think that his well-known penchant for mangling the English language would make him suited to this role.

[MissMillie]

33. well, I proof read a lot of my boss's stuff

I imagine that says it all right there....

[SKKY]

34. As an IT professional...

...I shudder at the though of having to teach Bush subnetting. And as I'm in the military, well, that would be pretty bad too since he's never been in the military and I'd have to start from scratch.

[RebelOne]

35. I am a copy editor. I correct grammar, punctuation and spelling.

Need I say more?

[Tommy_Carcetti]

36. He'd file a lawsuit against the wrong defendant

(As you can tell, I'm a lawyer).

Our client would come in and complain that Defendant A injured him. Attorney Bush would initially file a lawsuit against Defendant A, but would then ignore the case and not do anything to prosecute the case, which would allow Defendant A to flee the country and hide all his assets, making a continued suit against Defendant A virtually useless.

So then Attorney Bush would file a lawsuit against Defendant B, who had nothing to do with the injury to our client, but because he's just a mean old guy and that because he once got in an argument with Attorney Bush's father, Attorney Bush would figure no one would notice the difference. Plus because Defendant B has deep pockets, it would give him an excuse to run up the attorney's fees on our client.

After the court rejects Defendant's B's first Motion to Dismiss and allows the case to continue, Attorney Bush wins decides to throw a party at the office with a huge banner reading "Mission Accomplished", even though there is still so much to be done on the case.

Of course, Attorney Bush would then work the legal staff to utter exaustion to the point they are demoralized and miserable. At that point, he would have to bring in temporary legal assistants from outside the firm. The problem is, these outside legal assistants act unethically and irresponsibly. But he'd be paying the outside legal assistants three times as much as the firm's legal staff, all on the firm's bill.

And four years into the case, very little would have been accomplished, with the case still being stuck in the early discovery phase, with no hopes of settlement or even trial on the horizon.

[chemenger]

37. I'm an engineer

I'm sure Dubya would say in his whiney "Being the pResident is hard werk" voice "It must be really hard work to drive a train.

[insanity]

38. Student

History has already proven he couldn't do that job; just like he couldn't manage a business, state, or nation.

[SteppingRazor]

40. I'm a writer/editor.

Nuff said.

[krispos42]

41. As the sole representative from the manufacturing sector...

He'd make a lot of scrap and damage (repairably or irrepairably) a lot of precision and hideously expensive machine tooling, until he sawed off, sheared off, or crushed an appendage, got run over by a forklift, set himself on fire, or crushed or injured somebody. Or maybe he'd get sucked into a spinning lathe or have a tragic mummification accident with the automatic pallet stretch-wrapper machine. There's a cardboard-crusher that might be a problem as well.

It's be interesting.

[Blue_In_AK]

42. I'll bet he can't type

and he sure doesn't know all the legal words I'm required to know how to spell.

[sleepyhead]

43. George Bush as a veterinarian?

Oh. My. God. He'd probably beat the poor dogs and cats for growling and hissing at him (which I'm sure they'd be doing nonstop - they know evil when they see it). And I don't even want to THINK about how he'd go about spaying or neutering someone's pet (with a chainsaw or something, most likely). And I guess one would need to triple-lock the narcotics cabinet.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

44. Right...The guy who blew up frogs as a kid...

I wouldn't let an animal of mine anywhere near the asshole!