Make Haste To The Nearest Folio-Merchant!

[PeaceNikki]

Oafish half-wits,

The Onion's latest profit-raking literary gallimaufry is a reference volume that I must heartily recommend. Purchase it with what little of your factory wages remain after you've squandered them on the diapering of your staphylococcus-infected young.



The Onion's Our Dumb World is a comprehensive atlas of the planet earth. You need never look further for a full and detailed catalog of all nations, be they good or evil, ally or conquered sub-race.

Though you, the loathsome reader, remain a necessary component of the news-paper business, you lack the refinement inherent to the titans of industry and other advertising-men with whom I normally interact. This book is likely your one opportunity to improve your lot through knowledge of places beyond the mud-floor tenements and lawless speakeasies in which you scurry and breed like so many jungle rats.

Buy it now, before you are smothered by the futility of your own existence.

God-damn the lot of you,



H. Cuthbert Zweibel
Vice-President of Client Relations, The Onion, Inc.

[PeaceNikki]

1. Come on, people!!1!1!

30% more Asia, for Christ's sake!!