Religious zealot cousin of mine

[Eroshan]

sent my 83 year old mother (her aunt) a letter that said if my mother did not accept Jesus as her savior she would burn in hell. The letter started out espousing religious verse and got worse from there. This cousin has never had anything to do with my mother. Why would you say such things to a sick woman. My mom was always religious until about five years ago. She started seeing things in a different light and made the mistake of revealing it to other family members. This letter really made my mom sick (shes had heart surgery and survived three heart attacks). I really want to write this cousin, but she is the daughter of my moms twin sister. And I don't want to cause my aunt any harm. What should I do?

[Cheswick2.0]

1. Your Aunt will be okay

You have a right to protect your mother and to lay into your cousin for upsetting your mother that way. Just think of all the other people she could harm if you don't put a little fear into her. If you respond by laying into her, she might think twice before she does this bullshit act on the next person.

[kalian]

2. Blast away!

Especially if your mother was bothered by this attrocious letter.
How dare she instill panic and fear into your mother. She obviously
doesn't care about how your mom feels...so, return the favor.

These people make me :mad:

[Kamika]

3. slash her tires

but has to be at night

[TXlib]

5. Great response.

NOT

[Eroshan]

7. I like the way you think

but I'm not into anonymous retribution

[Kamika]

14. hmm ok

I don't know then.. sorry

[TXlib]

4. Absolutely. You HAVE to call your cousin on it.

Be polite, but firm, and tell her in no uncertain terms she is NEVER to send your mother such things again.

[mitchtv]

6. Oh honey, a letter wouldn't do it for me

I'd call her and advise her any further communication would be unwise.

[Eroshan]

8. By George I think I shall write her

it will have to be by snail mail though as her religion forbids using the INTERNET. She is, shall we say, on the fringes. Thanks for your advice, I thought that my guts were telling me the eventual outcome must be confrontation.

[chookie]

9. A few questions

First of all, I am very sorry that this has happened, and join you in your anger against your cousin, and agree with the others here who feel the right thing to do is to straighten her out.

However, just for the sake of my attempts to understand religious lunacy, could you please answer a few questions to help me understand what happened?

First of all -- have you any idea what motivated her to send this message at this particular time?

Was the letter written out by hand, or was it typed?

How old is the perpetrator, and what geographical area?

How exactly did you Mom react? Was she angry, confused, upset?

I do not take for granted for a moment how fortunate I am in my family, where no religious insanity exists. My late mother always felt free to speak openly to me about her doubts, and I never tried to influence her, but just wanted her to feel comfortable about her beliefs, whatever they were. My Dad, after a lifetime of marginal religious belief, recently told me that he has come to the conclusion that religious beliefs are bogus, and his view is respected.

I think people who do stuff like your cousin did are very sick. Religion to them is not a matter of higher aspirations, but just another weapon to beat up other people with.

[Eroshan]

10. thanks for responding

she is trying to save souls according to the letter. It came out of the blue, typed out with only one sentence out of a whole page that was of a personal nature. She lives in Texas right now with her new husband. She is 54 yrs old. And my mom was very sickened by it.

[chookie]

13. Sounds like "cut and paste"

Gee -- when I am out to convert people, I always take the trouble to write it out in long-hand. (ha ha)

I had the feeling that it was not a spontaneous gesture, but some kind of organized campaign of "talking points" cut-and-paste-d from somewhere.

>>only one sentence out of a whole page that was of a personal nature<<

I think that tells us a lot about her motivations -- she does not appear to truly give a shit about your Mom, but just wanted to unload her bullshit on her.

Did her re-marriage have something to do with her religious fervor in middle age, or was she always a loon? May I assume that her Mom is not a loon, and may be pretty bugged out by how wacky her daughter turned out?

Texas. Say no more.

When you say your Mom was "sickened," do you mean that the content of the message upset her, or that she is shocked that she would be the target of a religious lunatic?

I hope you have talked to her about it, and helped her to understand that it was a sick act by a sick person, and not anything to take seriously.

Give your Mom a big hug from me. I salute her moral courage for daring to give serious independent thought to the important issues of life, whatever her conclusions might have been.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

16. Did you say "new husband"? SINNER! She'll burn in HELL!!! BWAHAHA!!! (nt)

[TreasonousBastard]

11. Trouble is...

these skypilots think they're doing the right thing.

A last ditch effort to save your mother's soul.

It was, of course, entirely inappropriate and an absolutely terrible thing to do.

Your aunt, and her feelings, may be entirely irrelevant in this, or she may have been the one to drop this tidbit about your mother's failing faith on the cousin in the first place.

No matter what, I would either drop it if there are no more missives coming in order to avoid a feud, or make it clear that the letter, although well-intentioned, caused you mother severe distress and that you are confident that your mother's immortal soul is well cared for without intervention from well-wishers. Their prayers will be more than enough for the purpose.

I doubt I would do anything at all unless there are more of these on the way. The last thing you want to do is inadvertantly encourage this sort of thing. You really don't want a busload of them pulling up out front to save your soul too.

[ComerPerro]

12. That is a good point

[Flaxbee]

15. And, there's no guarantee if you tell her to bug off that she will,

in fact, bug off. It's not a bad idea to write a letter (keep a copy of it) & if the letters keep coming, you'll at least have some evidence of harassment. If you want to go further, then you could b/c you'd have some evidence. If this cousin is really deranged (or is becoming so), having some proof is never a bad idea. Keep copies of the letters that you send and that your cousin sent, if this cousin ever did show up, and you had corroboration that you asked her to stay away/leave your mom alone, you could always get a restraining order. May sound extreme, but I am a retired attorney and it just always pays to have documentation.

But, be prepared that nothing you do may stop her efforts to "save your mom's soul". It's part of her beliefs, she may feel she'll burn in hell if she doesn't pester your mother silly with letters and concern.

Then again, perhaps her new husband egged her on, and this was a one-time effort on your cousin's part. You just never know.

[chicaloca]

23. Just what I was going to write....

You should definitely consider the possibilty of a restraining order. And don't show any mercy when you write back to her. Geez, her religion sounds more like a cult than a valid Christian church. Somebody ought to ask her whether Jesus would treat an 83-year old woman like that. :grr:

[Blue Gardener]

17. Stand up for your Mom

She doesn't need people like that harassing her. Obviously, to have sent the letter to her in the first place shows a true lack of compassion for the elderly. Scaring her by telling her she is going to burn in hell is just plain cruel. You need to be her advocate.

[Sapphocrat]

18. If you do lay into her...

...(which I would, without question), and you're stuck for a closing line, here's my favorite, lifted from a bumper sticker:

"It's your Hell -- you burn in it."

[Eroshan]

24. OOH I like that quote

I shall reference it.

[TrogL]

19. Call your lawyer

This is only the first step. The next step will be to get her to change her will to donate huge sums to the church or to the cousin so the cousin can give it to Jesus.

This has to be stopped in its tracks.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

20. Here are some possible responses

For atheists/agnostics

"Whatever happens to people after death, it's not YOUR decision, so lay off."

For liberal Christians:

"God is both more loving and smarter than you, so lay off."

[Lindsey]

21. I have a great website for your

cousin. If she's on the net, email her the site liberalslikechrist.org.
I had a lifelong friend email me a bunch of Christian crap and my sister told me about this site. It's awesome...discussing the religious and political perspective that Jesus has/had - and he's definitely a liberal and NOT a right wing conservative nutcase. Anyhow, I emailed the site to my friend and it's funny, I haven't gotten any of her BS emails since!!!

[BiggJawn]

22. Give her a book.

Sagan's "A Demon-Haunted World" comes to mind as a very good one.

To tell a sick old woman that she's going to "Hell"....

Hopeless, totally hopeless. Does your cousin send all of her money to TV preachers, too?

[Odessey]

25. This angers me!

As a Catholic, I get this all the time from my "born again" friends. Especially the newly 'born agains'. As soon as they are 'saved' they think that they sit in the place of God Himself and can judge ME and others that THEY think are not worthy of heaven. That kind of arrogance is sinful unto itself. It is said "by their fruits you shall know them". I know 'born agains' and 'saved' people who are selfish and self-centered. They look down their nose at people and judge. I know, I work with several. What 'fruit' have these people produced? Yet there are those who serve others quietly and with humility - all to glorify God - who do not proclaim themselves 'saved' by the definition your cousin would give. Does your cousin know the meaning of 'humility'? I would suggest she get some!

[Interrobang]

26. I'd do what Harlan Ellison used to do with poison pen letters.

I'd enclose the thing in an envelope with a little note that says something to the effect of "Someone is trying to tarnish your good name by sending me junk in the mail. I just thought you'd appreciate the warning of the identity theft, so maybe you can do something about it." Apparently that used to leave his unfans so off-balance that they usually never reoffended.

However, keep copies of everything, including the *outside* of the envelope.

Otherwise, I'd write back and inform her that further communications of this or any other sort are unwelcome, and will be met with legal action (ie. a restraining order).

[shimmergal]

27. Definitely I think you should write,

tell her how the letter upset and distressed your mother, and keep a copy of your letter, along with the original one.

A restraining order if they continue might be good, but I also wonder.
I understand that some states have a law against the "intentional infliction of emotional distress," and I wonder if persisting with such letters after being warned about their effect, might quality.
I'm not an attorney, so don't take this second suggestion for gospel
(no pun intended).

[GreenPartyVoter]

28. Your cousin thinks she is saving your mom

but what she is really doing is putting her own mental and emotional comfort ahead of your mother's.

Stand up for your mom and be an advocate for her! And maybe you can find a liberal minister or priest to abate your mom's fears. :)