Sad Post: don't know if it's appropriate, but

[Perseid]

typing gives me something to do.

My brother died after a horrible illness recently in which I changed my entire life to help him through it.

My damn 12 year old dog died a week later. I love(d) that damn dog.

I am going back to work tomorrow, and it's a job dealing with people, their families, and their problems. I don't know if I can do it anymore. I don't think I have any patience left.

People go through this all the time, but this, for some reason, seems life and thought changing for me.

So, the purpose of this post.

What can a person do when there doesn't seem to be any reason?

[fizzgig]

1. i don't have any advice

but i am very sorry to hear about your brother and your dog

peace to you

[Perseid]

14. and peace to you also

thanks

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear Perseid...

You are in a very tough place...

With a lot of grieving to do...

I am so sorry...

My deepest condolences on the deaths of your brother and your dog...

That's a lot to absorb in a very short time...

You're still in shock, and that will take some time to get past.

I would strongly suggest that you get into a group where you can do some grieving...

Grief therapy I think they call it...

Is there any way to get off work for a longer time?

:hug:

[Perseid]

6. thanks for your kind thoughts

very much appreciated.

I told them I would return to work tomorrow, and that's the way it is.

Life goes on, I surmise, or at least guess at.

[XemaSab]

3. That's really hard.

Sorry to hear that.

I had a stretch of about a year where things seemed really shitty, but it does get better. It really does. :pals:

[Perseid]

9. thank you, and you are right

I've always told people that nothing stays the same, things change.

[Skittles]

4. you need time

if you're not ready to go to work you need some time off. I would go ahead and see how it goes - it may do you good to get back to a routine. If not, you may need some grief counseling. I am so, so sorry for your losses.

[Perseid]

7. thanks, and that was just what I was thinking, or hoping

routine.

I'll let you know how it goes!

[Skittles]

13. when my brother died I was glad to get back to work

I found that it helped to take my mind off of it - but I don't deal with people the way you do. Still, do try.

[fortyfeetunder]

5. You need a hug

Sorry for the recent losses in your life. Go easy on yourself, you have had a rough time with losing your brother and your dog within a short period of time.

Grief manifests itself differently from person to person, and over time it does subside but doesn't completely go away.

If you think your mourning will interfere with your job, is it possible to seek another assignment within the organization you work for?

Meanwhile, you are among friends at DU, and if typing helps you sort out things, keep on writing.



:hug:

[Perseid]

11. thank you

I work for a fairly small organization that seems to need me at this time, though they have been great for many weeks.

I will try not to write too much. Just feeling.....hell......I don't know.

thank you again for the kind reply

[Haole Girl]

8. Don't really have anything to add..

..that hasn't already been said above.

Just wanted to send hugs your way... :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Lex]

10. I've heard people say they just took it one minute at a time.

When times were so excruciating that they were reeling, they just would go one minute at a time, then one day at a time, and then it gradually got more tolerable. It was like building tolerance or endurance, but it happened. And then it got better and there was light in their lives again one day.

I wish you all the best. As Cal_Peggy said above, you might have some more grieving to do, if you delayed it or put it off for whatever reason.

:hug:
Lex

[truedelphi]

12. I don't know if you had any form of hospice come in and help

But some hospice groups provide FREE grief counseling to people who have suffered loss. (Regardless if you and your brother turned to them for his care or not)

So look in the phone book and see if there is a hospice group in your area and give them a call.

Also some Counties provide six to eight free grief couseling session with trained professionals.

I have used both - but found hospice was better and they did not have a time line - if it takes twenty years to get you through it, then they'll just see you for twenty years.

[Perseid]

17. My brother lived in a different town, and

hospice told me that they could send someone in to help for an hour or so when he was doing poorly.

I couldn't believe it, but wouldn't have really wanted it anyway.

[wildhorses]

15. *do it anyway*

i do it every day. i feel your pain. hang in there. :hug:

[Perseid]

19. thanks, and yes. nt

[Bjornsdotter]

16. You need a hug

:hug:

Have you tried grief counseling? I'm so sorry for the death of both your brother and your dog.

http://home.willowhouse.org/index.htm

I wish I had better answers for you, if you need to talk feel free to PM me.

:hug:

[Perseid]

20. Very nice of you to reply

I appreciate all.

Hell, I do grief counseling sometimes, but living it is a little different.

thank you for your thoughts!

[MonkeyFunk]

18. dammit, I'm sorry

that's a lot to go through at once. My deepest symnpathies.

[Perseid]

21. thanks to you also

well, the weird thing is that the illness of my brother lasted 11 months (cancer), and ate away at his brain. I got home from dealing with that, and found out my dog was ill with an illness that the vet couldn't diagnose, and then I learn that he had cancer too.

thanks for your kind thoughts

[Perseid]

22. I apologize if I missed anyone, but

thank you all for the kind thoughts.

[FloridaJudy]

23. I'm so sorry.

I know how devastated I would feel if I lost either my sister or my dog. Losing both must be horrible. Perhaps remembering that you were there for your brother when it really counted will help. There's nothing I can say that will take the pain away, but at least I can offer a hug. :hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

24. Do you have to go back to work tomorrow?

It sounds like you need more time...time to grieve and time to reflect and recenter yourself.

If you must go back, I suggest getting up early and taking a walk, focusing on your breathing, and being kind and gentle toward yourself. You need to take extra good care of you right now. You might also consider counseling.

A book that I've found particularly helpful is "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chödrön. I keep buying it, then passing it along to people in need.

I'm so sorry about your brother and about your dear dog friend. :hug::hug::hug: I wish these hugs could be real...

[FloridaJudy]

25. Pema Chodron - Great suggestion

I wonder if they'd give us a discount if we bought that book in bulk.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

27. Her books are remarkable...

But that one in particular speaks to me when times are rough.

I'd love to attend one of her lectures.

[Perseid]

26. Pema Chödrön

thanks, and I'll check it out