How does one kill an office mate without getting in trouble?

[commander bunnypants]

I think I officially despise her.



CB

[MissMillie]

1. plant the stolen copper wires in her desk

let the other co-workers find them and take care of this for you.

[RubyDuby in GA]

2. You make sure that you start a rivalry between the one you hate and another one you completely disli

dislike, then you sit back and wait for the murder-suicide.

That's what we're hoping for at my office anyway...

[Dragonbreathp9d]

3. dont let them find the body

where a full plastic suit to keep any hair or fibers from getting anywhere, wrap them in plastic as well for the same reason, either use a poison that doesnt stay in the bones or bleed them out (collecting and destroying all the blood of course), or use fire or drowning, without leaving any signs of an actual weapon. Burning and water dump is a good idea to get rid of evidence. Burying deep in the forest is too (or the desert). Where shoes larger or smaller than your own feet incase you get lazy and leave foot marks.


There are a few more secrets, but I'd like to keep them that way. Good enough for ya? Oh, and just FYI, I am a pacifist, so its not like I have actually or would actually put this to the test. Except for a ten speed (ATHF reference a.k.a. joke).

[DarkTirade]

25. I was informed by a redneck friend of mine at my last job

that he could help 'disappear' a body for me by giving it to some friends who worked at Gatorland.
Of course, there was no one either of us wanted to kill, it was just a bit of morbid conversation that came up when business was slow and we were REALLY bored. :)

[Deep13]

4. By not getting caught.

I'm sure that answer will be very useful. Let me know if I can help out in any other way.

[billyoc]

5. Push them down the stairs.

People fall down the stairs all the time, nobody will give it a second thought.

[kay1864]

6. Is this the redhead co-worker in high heels?

Not that I'm fixated or anything... :silly:

[commander bunnypants]

7. nah

she is cool


CB

[skygazer]

8. Report her to Homeland Security

Plant incriminating evidence in her desk.

[Dragonbreathp9d]

14. We have a winner!

She's a witch! I mean, a terrorist! Wait, what? You mean you won't do anything about her because she is a white, christain terrorist? Oh, bollocks.... well, her husband has a long beard!

[Metta]

9. Surrender the whole thing up to your favorite deity and saints to take care of.

and then get out of the way and focus on something else so they can work it. Works for me. The alternative is to fill yourself and become what, I suspect, you don't want.

[hippywife]

17. As usual, Metta..

you answer true to your nature. How are you my friend? Long time no see! :hi:

[EstimatedProphet]

10. Place a nuclear warhead in her filing cabinet

Let's see her get away from that one!

[Orrex]

11. Go back in time and prevent her grandparents from meeting

Really, it's the most efficient solution.

[RedStateShame]

12. Claim self-defense

"Yes, officer, she stuck her head in this file cabinet, swearing she was about to fish a gun out from it with her teeth, so my only line of defense was to repeatedly slam the door against her head."

[begin_within]

13. Make it look like an accident.

Remember the key phrase in most news stories: "Something was about to go terribly wrong."

[billyskank]

15. Become the CEO and relax the safety rules.

She dies in a workplace accident and nobody will touch you.

[krispos42]

16. Well, you can't kill her NOW...

you've posted about it! Investigation into, say, a tragic cement-truck accident will lead squarely back to you.


Maybe give her a box of lawn darts to play with?

[Critters2]

22. This is true. It's why I can't burn my church down

to get a new, modern building. I've joked about it too much. When that 150 year old tinderbox does go up, I'm in serious crap.

[jobycom]

18. Invite her into a dank catacomb for a glass of sherry

[Left Is Write]

19. Do you think you can make a case for justifiable homicide?

[conscious evolution]

20. Ask someone in the gardening group.

It's a front.













This reply shamelessly stolen from another DUer.

[philosophie_en_rose]

21. Kill her with kindness, of course.

:rofl: just kidding. Hide an egg in her desk or something.


;)

[LoveMyCali]

23. Just kill her

if you're caught and go to prison you get three meals a day and free cable TV, not to mention time to workout without paying for a gym membership. And the biggest perk of all ... you don't have to go to work anymore. :evilgrin:

[Deja Q]

24. Go buy a fembot. I gather Dr. Franklin has a few up for grabs in his garage sale...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cefHBbOIR0w

[QMPMom]

26. I desperately needed that information at this time last year.

Glad I don't need it any more!

The thorn in my side that was the reason for my nervous breakdown and three month medical leave left and went to work for the same car delaership her Daddy works in. I just heard she "left" there and is now working at a bank. Somehow I don't think she "left". It's pretty pathetic that she can't hold a job that her Daddy got her - and he's fairly high up in the food chain at that company.

[Wcross]

27. Don't talk to ANYBODY about it before or after the fact.

You blew it. Now you are going to have to deal with her until one of you gets fired.

[BreweryYardRat]

28. Rig a small clear tube from her car's exhaust pipe to one of the back windows.

With any luck she won't notice, and CO poisoning will do for her as she drives home. It should look like a suicide, so long as you don't leave prints.

[MorningGlow]

29. Invite her up on the roof

Afterward, be sure to talk about her "suicidal tendencies."

Hey, it works for the Repugs all the time! :shrug: