Dirty songs. Help needed.

[JVS]

I was sitting around with a friend drinking beer, and the idea came to us that sitting around, drinking beer, and singing dirty songs would be a good hobby. Unfortunately, having spent my life in relatively useful endevours, my knowledge of dirty songs is minimal. Do any Loungers know a good source of dirty songs, or even just some examples you'd like to share?

[LeftyFingerPop]

1. Here's a place to start...

http://johnvalbynation.com/

[MrCoffee]

2. anything Dave Matthews has ever written

dude is a huge pervert.

[JVS]

4. I fucking hate that guy's shitty music

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

7. Shame!!

DOOM ON YOU!!11!

[JVS]

8. Don't make me fucking ignore you!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=6829846&mesg_id=6829846

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

10. Well, in that case I guess that I can tolerate your

deplorable taste in music ;) :P

[bamacrat]

13. I agree DMB sucks bad.

[Fire Walk With Me]

3. David Allen Coe had a collection of dirty songs, IIRC.

[northzax]

5. I believe your best answer will be found in rugby songs

I personally love hearing "the big blue vein" and "I used to work in Chicago"

I will refrain from posting the lyrics to Big Blue Vein (but you can imagine what vein it refers to) but here's the classic Chicago...

I used to work in Chicago
In an old Department Store
I used to work in Chicago,
I don't work there anymore.
a lady came in the front door
the front door of the store
Front door she wanted...Back door she got!
but I don't work there anymore.

there are many variations of the theme, replace Front Door/Back door with, well, say, Carpet and Shag, you get...

I used to work in Chicago
In an old Department Store
I used to work in Chicago,
I don't work there anymore.
a lady came in and asked for some carpet
Carpet from the store?
carpet she wanted...shagging she got!
but I don't work there anymore.

and so on and so forth.

If you are not in Texas, I think I can recommed "Incest Time in Texas" (sung to the tune of Yellow Rose of Texas, of course:

When it's incest time in Texas
And your father is out of town,
Your mother is in the bathroom
With her panties halfway down,
No time for masturbation,
No time to beat your meat,
When it's incest time in Texas
Motherfuckin' can't be beat

[JVS]

9. wow, that is dirty!

[Burma Jones]

6. The Rodeo Song

Well it's forty below and I don't give a fuck
Got a heater in my truck and I'm off to the rodeo
And it's Allemande left and Allemande right
Come on ya fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off stage ya goddam goof, ya know

Ya piss me off, ya fuckin' jerk, get on my nerves

Well here comes Johnny with his pecker in his hand
He's a one ball man and he's off to the rodeo
And it's Allemande left and Allemande right
Come on ya fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off stage ya goddam goof, ya know

Ya piss me off, fuckin' jerk, get on my nerves

Well it's forty below and I ain't got a truck
And I don't give a fuck 'cause I'm off to the rodeo
It's Allemande left and Allemande right
Come on ya fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off stage ya goddam goof, ya know

Ya piss me off, ya fuckin' jerk, get on my nerves

Well here comes Johnny with his pecker in his hand
He's a one ball man and he's off to the rodeo
And it's Allemande left and Allemande right
Come on ya fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off stage ya goddam goof, ya know

Ya piss me off, fuckin' jerk, ya get on my nerves

[AllegroRondo]

11. In my time in the Army Band

we had dirty lyrics for all the standard marches, Division songs, bugle calls, everything. those long bus trips get boring....

For example, this was sung to the tune of "American Soldier", the division song of the 82nd Airborne Division.

We are the Airborne Band, we sing and dance
we like to wear women's underpants
lipstick and panty hose we do adore
we are the Eighteenth Airborne Corps

and it went on from there.

[wildhorses]

12. if you see kay --

say it loud and proud;)

[ghostsofgiants]

14. Pretty much anything by Mindless Self Indulgence, and much of Electrix Six's music as well.

[MrScorpio]

15. Shaving Cream

http://www.uppercutmusic.com/artist_b/benny_bell_lyrics/shaving_cream_lyrics.html

[bamacrat]

16. Any Ying Yang Twins songs.

That "My Neck, My Back, Lick my".. well you get the point. A woman sings that one, and it is definitely the nastiest song I have ever heard.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/khia/myneckmybackdirtyversion.html

Here are the lyrics, and the weird thing is she dedicated this cd to her kids, ew.

[DS1]

17. This guy has made it a living

http://www.wankinsong.com/

[RandomKoolzip]

18. John Valby.

I hate this shmuck, but if yoy like dirty. scatological drinking songs, Valby is your man. (Unfortunately, he's done some rather questionable "racist" songs in the past, too. Ick)

Here is but a taste:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ucqIdjZ2Hi4

There's a lot more where this comes from.

[gmoney]

19. the band "Ween" has some good ones...

From their country album...

PISS UP A ROPE

My dinners on fire while she watches tv
And if youve ever wondered what its like to be me
She takes all my money and leaves me no smokes
Yells at my buddies and insults my folks
Im breakin my back doin the best that I can
Shes got time for the dog and none for her man
And Im no dope, but I cant cope
So hit the fuckin road and piss up a rope

You can piss up a rope
And you can put on your shoes, hit the road get truckin
Pack your bag, I dont need the ag
On your knees you big, booty bitch start suckin
You ride my ass like a horse in a saddle
Now youre up shits creek with a turd for a paddle
And I cant cope -- piss up a rope

Uh, you can piss up a rope and feel the pissy dribble
You can piss up a rope and watch me giggle
For the last 6 months I been packin your bag
You can wash my balls with a warm, wet rag
Till my balls feel smooth and soft like silk
Im sick of your mouth and your 2 percent milk
And Im no dope, but Ive lost all hope
So hit the fuckin road and piss up a rope

You can piss up a rope
And you can put on your shoes, hit the road get truckin
Pack your bag, I dont need the ag
On your knees you big, booty bitch start suckin
You ride my ass like a horse in a saddle
Now youre up shits creek with a turd for a paddle
And I cant cope -- piss up a rope

[Starbucks Anarchist]

20. "Head" by Prince.

Hell, anything by Prince.

[Bjornsdotter]

21. I Need a Little Sugar in my Bowl

...by Bessie Smith is a good place to start. Or HotDog Man by Butter Bean & Susie. I've got lots of them.

I Need a Little Sugar in my Bowl

Tired of bein' lonely, tired of bein' blue,
I wished I had some good man, to tell my troubles to
Seem like the whole world's wrong, since my man's been gone

I need a little sugar in my bowl,
I need a little hot dog, on my roll
I can stand a bit of lovin', oh so bad,
I feel so funny, I feel so sad
I need a little steam-heat, on my floor,
Maybe I can fix things up, so they'll go
What's the matter, hard papa, come on and save you mama's soul
'Cause I need a little sugar, in my bowl, doggone it,
I need a little sugar in my bowl

I need a little sugar, in my bowl,
I need a little hot dog, between my rolls
You gettin' different, I've been told,
move your finger, drop something in my bowl
I need a little steam-heat on my floor,
Maybe I can fix things up, so they'll go

(spoken: Get off your knees, I can't see what you're drivin' at!
It's dark down there!
Looks like a snake! C'mon here and drop somethin' here in my bowl,
stop your foolin', and drop somethin', in my bowl)


Cheers

[Bjornsdotter]

22. Or any of these

Everybody wants to Kiss my Fanny---Benny Bell

http://www.archive.org/details/BennyBell Click on #6

Almost any song by Benny Bell is a double entendre and you can listen to them all here.

Seriously, I have a list on at least 75-100 somewhere. You may ask why....I did a paper on them when I was in college...I got an A+ :evilgrin:

Cheers

[Crabby Appleton]

23. Doug Clark & the Hot Nuts

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doug_Clark_and_the_Hot_Nuts

Sellin' nuts, hot nuts, anybody here want to buy my nuts?
Sellin' nuts, hot nuts, I've got nuts for sale.
One for five, two for ten,
If you buy 'em once, you'll buy 'em again.
Sellin' nuts, hot nuts, you buy 'em from the peanut man.

Nuts, hot nuts, anybody here want to buy my nuts?
Sellin' nuts, hot nuts, I've got nuts for sale.
You tell me your nuts is mighty fine,
But I bet your nuts isn't hot as mine.
Sellin' nuts, hot nuts, you buy 'em from the peanut man.

Sellin' nuts, hot nuts, anybody here want to buy my nuts?
Sellin' nuts, hot nuts, I've got nuts for sale.
You tell me that man's nuts is mighty small,
Best to have small nuts than have no nuts at all;
Sellin' nuts, hot nuts, you buy 'em from the peanut man.

Spoken: Hot nuts? Peanuts! Nutsies? Nuts!

Sellin' nuts, hot nuts, anybody here want to buy some nuts?
Sellin' nuts, hot nuts, I've got nuts for sale.
You see that man all dressed in brown,
He's got the hottest nuts in town.
Sellin' nuts, hot nuts, you buy 'em from the peanut man.

Nuts, hot nuts, anybody here want to buy my nuts?
Sellin' nuts, hot nuts, I've got nuts for sale.
When a hog gets hungry, he begins to grunt,
When a man gets hungry, he begins to hunt,
For nuts, hot nuts, you buy 'em from the peanut man.

[Arugula Latte]

24. Freakers Ball by Dr. Hook

Well there's gonna be a freakers ball
Tonight at the freakers hall
And you know, you're invited one and all

Come on babies grease your lips
Grab your hats and swing your hips
Don't forget to bring your whips
We're going to the freakers ball

Blow your whistle and bang your gong
Roll up something to take along
It feels so good it must be wrong
We're freakin at the freakers ball

Where all the fags and the dykes they're boogyin' together
The leather freaks are dressed in all kinds of leather
The greatest of the sadists and the masochists too
Screaming "Please hit me, and I'll hit you"

The FBI are dancing with the junkies
All the straights, are swinging with the funkies
Across the floor and up the wall
We're freakin at the freakers ball
Yall, we're freakin at the freakers ball

Everybody's kissing each other
Brother with sister, son with mother
Smear my body up with butter
Take me to the freakers ball

Pass that roach please and pour the wine
I'll kiss yours if you'll kiss mine
I'm gonna boogie till i go blind
We're freakin at the freakers ball

White ones, black ones, yellow ones, red ones
Necrophiliacs looking for dead ones
The greatest of the sadist and the masochists too
Screaming "Please hit me, and I'll hit you"

Everybody's ballin' in batches
Pyromaniacs striking matches
I'm gonna itch me where it scratches
Freaking at the freakers ball

[Bjornsdotter]

25. Another good list

Spike Jones--- Beautiful Eggs
Josephine Baker--- Don't Touch My Tomatoes
Julia Lee--- I Didn't Like It the First Time
Josephine Garrison--- Two Times a Night
Cliff Faure--- Please Don't Bang on the Piano
Tampa Red--- Let Me Play with Your Poodle
Fluffy Hunter---The Walking Blues
the Oscars--- Rubbin' On the Darned Old Thing
Al Miller--- It Must Be Good
Hokum Boys--- It Started in the Garden of Eden
Benny Bell--- Shaving Cream
Bullmoose Jackson--- My Big 10-Inch
George Formby---My Little Ukulele
Joe Rines--- Father Had a Big One
King Perry--- Ducks Yas Yas
he Odd Couple---Brush Up Your Shakespeare
Dinah Washington---TV Is the Thing This Year
Oscar Brand--- A Clean Song
Blind Blake--- Diddy Wah Diddy
Red Nichols--- Fan It
Cliff Faure--- Ain't it a beauty

[bbernardini]

26. "Blow Me" by Red Peters

It may not look like much from the lyrics, but when you hear the tune, which is a big-band mid-tempo swing number with horns and female backing vocalists, it's spectacular. Todd Rundgren played it as the band came out on stage every night during his "2nd Wind" tour in 1991.

BLOW ME Red Peters

Blow me - you hardly even know me
Just set yourself below me
And blow me tonight

A handy would certainly be dandy
But it's not enough to slow me
You gotta blow me, alright.

When you part your lips that way
I want you night and day
When you squeeze my balls so tight
I want to blow my load with all my might

So blow me - you hardly even know me
Just set yourself below me
You gotta blow me tonight (Come on everybody!)

Blow me - you hardly even know me
So blow me - you gotta blow me
So blow me - blow me tonight! Yeah!

[pokerfan]

27. Here are several

Jimmy Buffett - Why Don't We Get Drunk

I really do appreciate the fact you're sittin' here
Your voice sounds so wonderful
But your face don't look too clear
So, Barmaid, bring a pitcher, another round of brew
Honey, why don't we get drunk and screw.

(Chorus:)
Why don't we get drunk and screw
I just bought a waterbed filled up for me and you
They say you are a snuff queen, Honey, I don't think that's true
So, why don't we get drunk and screw.

(Instrumental)

(Chorus)


__________________________________
SIXTY-MINUTE MAN
Billy Ward and His Dominoes
(Marks/Ward}

- on Rhino's "Risque Rhythm: Nasty 50s R&B"

Sixty-minute man, sixty-minute man

Look a here girls I'm telling you now
They call me "Lovin' Dan"
I rock 'em, roll 'em all night long
I'm a sixty-minute man

If you don't believe I'mm all that I say
Come up and take my hand
When I let you go you'll cry "Oh yes,"
"He's a sixty-minute man

There'll be 15 minutes of kissing
Then you'll holler "please don't stop"
There'll be 15 minutes of teasing
And 15 minutes of squeezing
And 15 minutes of blowing my top

If your man ain't treating you right
Come up and see ol' Dan
I rock 'em, roll 'em all night long
I'm a sixty-minute man

Sixty-minute man
They call me Lovin' Dan
I rock 'em, roll 'em all night long
I'm a sixty-minute man

Sixty-minute man
They call me Lovin' Dan
I rock 'em, roll 'em all night long
I'm a sixty-minute man

There'll be 15 minutes of kissing
Then you'll holler "please don't stop"
There'll be 15 minutes of teasing
And 15 minutes of squeezing
And 15 minutes of blowing my top

If your man ain't treating you right
Come up and see ol' Dan
I rock 'em, roll 'em all night long
I'm a sixty-minute man, oh yeah
SIXTY-MINUTE MAN


__________________________________
I tracked down a copy of "Risque Rhythm: Nasty 50s R&B:
http://www.amazon.com/Risque-Rhythm-Nasty-50s-R/dp/B0000032HL

Besides Sixty Minute Man, other highlights include:

Big Ten-Inch Record - Moose Jackson
(She just loves my big ten inch..... record of my favorite blues)

Big Long Slidin' Thing - Dinah Washington
(It's about a woman who's in love with a trombone player.)

Let Me Bang Your Box - The Toppers With Orchestra
(It's about a piano - get yer mind out of the gutter)

[Bjornsdotter]

28. Ruth Wallis and Spohie Tucker

...are also 2 good sources. Sophie Tucker had a lot of great songs also.

Ruth Wallis

Sweater Girl.........................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2000
The Admirals Daughter................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2000
Tonight For Sure.....................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2001
The Pistol Song......................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2001
Gimme (WhatYou Promise Me)...........WALLIS ORIGINAL 2002
(It's Been a) Long Long Time.........WALLIS ORIGINAL 2002
Jamaica Rum .........................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2003
Chile Was Hot (But Willie Was Not)...WALLIS ORIGINAL 2004
The Love Samba ......................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2004
Ubangi!..............................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2003
Bells Song...........................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2005
Down in Montivideo...................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2005

--With Ray Charles Chorus and Mac Ceppos Orch.
Remember.............................WALLIS ORIGINAL 3001
Bella Bella..........................WALLIS ORIGINAL 3001

4-F Papa.............................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2006
The Cowboy Song......................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2006
New YoYo Song........................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2007
Stay Out of My Pantry................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2007
Long-Playing Daddy...................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2008
Gold Mine............................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2008
The Fishing Pole Song ...............WALLIS ORIGINAL 2009
My Old Soldier (Isn't Fading Away)...WALLIS ORIGINAL 2009
Vacation Song........................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2010
The Hawaiian Lei Song................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2010
If I Had Said Yes....................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2011
Large Size Mama......................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2011
She Never Gets Got...................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2012
Confidential Kitty...................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2012
The Pop-up Song......................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2013
Education............................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2013
Down in the Bahamas..................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2014
Drill 'Em All........................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2014
Davy's Dinghy........................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2015
Queer Things (Are Happening).........WALLIS ORIGINAL 2015
Down In the Indies...................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2017
Tonight You Sleep In the Bathtub.....WALLIS ORIGINAL 2017
The Fishing Song.....................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2018
(Too Many) Men in My Life............WALLIS ORIGINAL 2018
Pull Down The Shade Marie............WALLIS ORIGINAL 2019
The Dinghy Song .....................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2019
Psycho Mambo.........................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2020
This Old House.......................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2020
Wallis First Time Starter............WALLIS ORIGINAL 2021
All Night Long.......................WALLIS ORIGINAL 2021
Take Me To Your Boss.................Wallis Original 2025

[BleedingHeartRN]

29. I agree re: Prince

I have a whole Prince greatest hits dual CD with one disc dedicated to the "dirty" songs. "Spread" by OutKast leaves little to the imagination as well.

That "My neck, My back" song is probably the nastiest I've ever heard.

[ornotna]

30. Frank zappa

Cocksuckers Ball

Hey, this is for all the Republicans in the audience!

Cock-sucker Tammy get your mother fuckin' dammy
We're goin' downtown to the Cock-Suckers' Ball
Fuck, suck an' fight
'Till beginnin' of the broad daylight
We don't need no
Goddam taxi here
We're gonna trim them holes in a
Rockin'-chair
Take off all the rags
We're gonna play a little game
Called tag
Tomorrow night at the Rock Cock-Suckers' Ball

Come on you moe-ass singers and you
Mick dick slingers
We're goin' downtown to the Cock-Suckers' Ball
Fuck, suck an' fight
'Till beginnin' of the broad daylight
We don't need no
Goddam taxi here
We're gonna trim them holes in a
Rockin'-chair
Take off all the rags
We're gonna play a little game
Called tag
Tomorrow night at the Rock Cock-Suckers' Ball
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Tomorrow night at the Rock Cock-Suckers' Ball!

Thank you, you're too kind!

[martymar64]

31. Wayne County and the Electric Chairs

PErformers of the big hits
"If you don't want to fuck me baby, then baby fuck off"
and
"Toilet Love"