Abstinence-Only Coolness for Girls

[Zywiec]

It's never too late to take the pledge...

http://www.ironhymen.com/

I, , hereby pledge:
1. To never let grubby boys touch me – unless it's just fun innocent stuff like tripping me and pulling my hair. (But only the hair on my head!)

2. To never wear trampy stuff like shorts or t-shirts or open-toed shoes, which basically tell horny perverts that I'm a major tramp who's just asking for it.

3. To never do rough stuff like ride horsies or bikes with hard seats, which could break my vagina's freshness seal and make me totally unlovable.

4. To never let tampons violate the sanctity of my hoo-hoo, because tampons are really nothing more than thirsty little albino penises.

5. To never have premarital sex, because Jesus doesn't want anyone messing around inside my girly hole until after His church makes some money off a wedding.

I understand that abstaining from sex protects me from:

Forcing my wonderful parents to use "tough love" and kick me out of the house for embarrassing them by being such a little whore.

Having adoption-hungry homosexuals circle my pregnant belly like vultures, hell-bent on corrupting my unwanted bastard child with their sicko "love."

[Zywiec]

1. ...

[EstimatedProphet]

2. That's a great one!

Fitting parody on stupidity!

[MrCoffee]

3. highlight any three-word string in there and you've got a perfect band name

my girly hole
grubby boys touch
fun innocent stuff
bikes with hard seats (4 words, but still)
vagina's freshness seal
little albino penises (or thirsty little albino)
pregnant belly vultures
unwanted bastard child
their sicko love

[Deja Q]

4. I must be dyslexic, I thought the URL read ironyhmen.com...

[lost-in-nj]

5. I thought it said Absinthe!!!!

:spray: :spray:

lost

[Scooter24]

6. right on!!

:rofl: