My neighbor makes me want to stick a meat thermometer in each ear.

[Shakespeare]

This is a late 50s woman who tries desperately to fit in with the group of 20-somethings who live in our small apartment building (retro courtyard style building in Hollywood, big pool in the middle of the courtyard). She has been sitting by the pool, about five steps outside my front door and living room window, drinking since noon-ish, loudly chatting up everybody who comes out to the pool. She talks in an absurd baby voice that no woman her age should ever use, and laughs like Jan Hooks' Sweeney Sisters character on meth. And she laughs a lot, and loudly. Drunkenly.

Until today, I just felt sorry for her, because her efforts to hang with people half her age were just kind of pathetic. But today, she is drunk and loud and obnoxious and on my very last nerve. She's going on eight hours at the pool, and at this point I'm hoping she'll just fall in and drown.

Anybody else got neighbors you can't stand?

[MonkeyFunk]

1. lol

she sounds like someone I'd hang out with.

[Shakespeare]

2. At this point, if she doesn't fall in and drown....

...I'm considering going out and just pushing her in the pool. Anything to put an end to that annoying goddamn laugh. :banghead:

Edited to add: she just loudly announced she's going to fetch her stash of pot, so now she'll be drunk AND stoned AND annoying.

[MonkeyFunk]

3. I would SOOO befriend that lady...

I'm imagining Sylvia Miles in "Heat".

[Shakespeare]

4. No, not even.

Think Sharon Gless with an exponentially bigger ass, and with an insipid nasally baby voice. And one of the worst personalities I've encountered in a long time.

(Oh, and she informed the others at the pool that she is NOT sharing her pot)

[guitar man]

40. hmmmm

Think Sharon Gless with an exponentially bigger ass

I'd hit it! :evilgrin:

[mitchum]

35. Great minds! Believe it or not, I was also thinking of Sylvia Miles...

swear to god
Syvia Miles in "Heat" or "Midnight Cowboy"

[JVS]

5. She sounds fun

[Shakespeare]

6. What, exactly, sounds fun to you?

I'm really curious.

[BlooInBloo]

7. lol! I totally see the OP's point, but personally, I'm kinda with JVS.

[Shakespeare]

8. Hey, I'm all for loud gregarious people. They're fun to hang with.

But this woman is NOT one of those people. Fingernails on a fucking blackboard.

[Zomby Woof]

9. You have my permission to kill her

Legal murder once a month. George Carlin suggested this idea and had people like your neighbor in mind.

[Shakespeare]

12. LOL!

I really, really think it's justifiable homicide. I kept hoping she'd shut the hell up and go inside after it got dark outside, but nooooo....she's moved on to pot and Keystone beer (shudder), and apparently intends to carry her obnoxiousness well into the evening.

[boilerbabe]

27. I was more in favor of your neighbor until,,,

I heard she was drinking Keystone beer. OK to kill then, I guess... But if you don't like the music, get the hell out of the concert hall, hunny.

I understand that not everyone gets to live on their own Private Idaho, though.

Ignore, get earplugs, do something really disgusting to make her think twice. Or get drunk with her. But she needs to share her pot, that selfich bitch!! By the way,,,if she was a totally gorgeous 20 something, would you feel the same way? Think about it! I have lived in places where I had neighbors like that and got pulled into all sorts of situations trying to help them out...(too many stories here)..Maybe a little tolerance on your part?

It can't possibly be worse than being homeless, right?

[snailly]

10. Why don't you talk to her?

I know she's annoying but she might just need a friend. She sounds like she might be fun to hang out with. We're all going to be old someday if we're lucky. She might be having some trouble dealing with it.
Go out and have a beer with her and maybe slip in the fact that she's a little too loud sometimes. She might get the hint.

[Shakespeare]

11. I have talked to her.

It's reached the point where I cannot stand her company for more than five minutes (and I'm by nature a pretty easy-going person who has no problems getting along with people).

[Hawkeye-X]

14. Hmm.. would calling the cops on her prevail?

[Shakespeare]

17. Nah, I wouldn't do that.

I just want her to shut. the fuck. UP. For just five minutes.

[Hawkeye-X]

18. Just announce that there's a party in her apartment

*blinks innocently*

[boilerbabe]

28. You have the right approach!

Though sometimes people like that tend to make "co-dependant" relationships, I have found in my long experiance with neighbor relations...

I visualize myself being that lady someday, and would really hate for anyone to tell me I was loud!!

[Capn Sunshine]

13. how can you be annoyed so easily?

jeese, untighten that nerve of yours and realize you just got a free pass to shoot tequila and do bong hits by the pool all Summertime! Doesn't sound like anything you can't deal with.

What's really bugging you?

[Shakespeare]

16. I'm only annoyed after eight nonstop hours of this shit.

And it's not tequila and bong hits--it's Keystone beer and she doesn't share her pot.

It's the loud, loud, loud, constant need for her to hear her own voice nonstop. When anybody leaves her alone at the pool, she then picks up her cell phone and calls somebody and keeps blabbing away.

I don't need to untighten a fucking thing, thank you very much.

[Capn Sunshine]

21. says you

lighten up Francis. Why not go out there and agitate. Take some tequila with you. After 3 shots, she'll be asleep

Then you can shave her eyebrows

[Shakespeare]

22. After almost 10 hours of putting up with her, I don't need to lighten up.

But thanks for the advice. :eyes:

[Capn Sunshine]

24. I dunno

I'm just saying, people pay money to watch an act like that....
when's the bonfire?

[boilerbabe]

29. Agree!! n/t

[SPKrazy]

15. Oh gads, I read your subject line wrong...

:rofl:

I first read it "my neighbor wants me to stick a meat thermometer in each ear" :rofl:

I thought what the hell....

sounds like a fun neighbor to have

:hi:

[boilerbabe]

30. Only someone with a machine gun kitty could say that!! n/t

[SPKrazy]

34. *snerk*

that's right boilerbabe!

:evilgrin:

my kitty is fully automatic! :D

[ForrestGump]

19. Noise pollution!

Having a good time is one thing. Yammering on in an obnoxious fashion is quite another. And I say this as a PhD who is fully aware of the dangers inherent in giving anyone who holds a doctorate the combination of a microphone and a lectern.

She might seem a cool woman to some, but sometimes enough is too much when you've got to live with it. Certainly, being around stultifyingly loud people immersed in alcohol with nothing really to say (trust me...I work around tourists in Las Vegas :o ) loses its novelty pretty quickly.

I wish you the best in finding some peace there. I also wish her well in her quest to lapse into alcohol/etc-induced sleep, so she'll shut the hell up for a while. On the bright side, in a couple of hours, if she's still going for it out there, you'll be able to turn her into the LAPD for violating noise-pollution codes.

:hug:

[Shakespeare]

23. LOL

"I say this as a PhD who is fully aware of the dangers inherent in giving anyone who holds a doctorate the combination of a microphone and a lectern."

:rofl:

Having attended and presented a few papers at lit conferences, I know precisely what you mean. :7

:loveya:

[ForrestGump]

36. "So, in summary..."

Those magic words... :D

:hug:

[boilerbabe]

31. You give me the impression that you are an erudite snob! n/t

[ForrestGump]

37. You have no basis for that assumption. You are way out of line.

I am not erudite.

[BlueJazz]

20. Get one of your Friends to come over, tell her he's a vice-cop and...

..tell her to get her ass inside or he's hauling her to jail.

[DS1]

25. If there was a hot tub you could hire some young frat boys to come over

and invite her to join them, after a few hours of drinking. Tell them it's your sister, and she needs to have some company. After awhile, her BP will drop enough to kill her.

This post will self-destruct in 10 seconds

[boilerbabe]

33. Send the frat boys to my house! n/t

[Book Lover]

26. So why don't you go outside and tell her to be quiet?

You are entitled to some quiet: why not go outside and get it?

[mitchum]

32. Man, that's the kind of seedy LA stuff I love...

let's see you've got a drunken, laughing woman acting inappropriately for her age, hanging out by the pool at a retro style apartment building in Hollywood. If I lived in the building, I would be buying her some leopard skin capris and cateye sunglasses. Assuming she doesn't already own those items, of course :)

[Blue Diadem]

38. Kinda sad if you ask me.

I've got an ex-sil that does that exact same stuff. I never could be around her for very long, even when I was 25 and she was 40, she told me I acted too old. Funny thing is I thought she acted like a teenager.

I just sit back and feel sorry for those type of people. Something is definitely missing in their lives.

[LostinVA]

39. I like my neighbors

He and his crazy Bosnian friends cut down a 100-foot white oak for me last year. It would ave cost me at least $1,200 to have it done by a professional. He and his friends drank beer, hooked up the tree to a pickup truck, and used a chainsaw to bring it down. They even cut the tress up in manageable sections for me. They refused to take a dime, so I gave my neighbor a gift certificate to a nice restaurant for him and his family, who don't really have alot of extra money.

It was tres exciting -- the tree almost smashed his storage building, and the tree twisted at the last second and almost killed his friend.

However, in the past, I have had neighbors whom I hated.

[Shakespeare]

41. She kept going until 12:30 a.m.

And regaled people poolside for THREE HOURS (approximately 9 to midnight) with a highly detailed saga of how she came to have bad credit. :boring:

[LostinVA]

43. Jeebus

[Midlodemocrat]

42. I like all my neighbors except for the garbage that moved in across the street.

:puke:

Teenager sells drugs. StepDad is constantly junking up the yard. Mom sits on the porch all day smoking and drinking.

They are disgusting.

[ronnykmarshall]

44. MAAAAAAAAXXXX!

[datasuspect]

45. if she's got booze money

i'm all over it.