Bully On the Playground: Stand up to him, or back down?

[Guaranteed]

You can draw upon your own experiences, if you like. What's the right way to deal with a bully? Do you have to fight him, or should you pacify him and live to fight another day?

[Disandra]

1. Tried all of the peaceful solutions once...

...but this guy didn't get it (was calling my family all kinds of nasty, racist things), so I beat the crap out of him. Never was bullied again in school.

Oh yeah, I was in 7th grade, almost 5 feet tall and about 100 pounds soak and wet. This guy was a freshman in high school, foot ball player. He learned never, ever to tangle with a red-headed Cuban, I'll tell you that much! ;-)

[F-5]

2. Kick his/her ass!

That's all I have to say.

[Wonco_the_Sane]

3. Was Saddam a bully???

I voted other. Only fighting I'm doing is with my vote. For Dean, at the least against Shrubby.

[Disandra]

4. If you mean was he a bully to us...

...(meaning the U.S.) then no, but Dubya sure as heck is (prime example: either you do as I say, or else you are with them!).

Now, Saddam was a bully to his own people, and maybe if a lot of the people stood up to him and kicked his ass, things would have been different. ;-)

[Wonco_the_Sane]

7. Good point

I'm thinking I used a bad analogy there. Just angling for the non-violent approach there. :) Not trying to change subject.

[Disandra]

8. *Grin*

No problem-o. ;-)

[DoNotRefill]

18. Non-violence can be very good...

but it depends on the situation.

Violence is the absolute last resort. When you've tried everything else, however, it can be justified.

[wtmusic]

5. Run crying, and live to snivel another day

:silly:

[Cleita]

6. Depends. I'd say stand up to him if there is a good

chance you won't get hurt. If that's the case then back off but plan something devious for payback. Never let them get away with it, even if you have to bide your time for awhile. Works for office back stabbers too.

[Gemini Cat]

9. Vote to fight.

I like myself to much not to finish a fight with a bully. I won't start it, but I damned well will finish it or at least try to.

A bully will continue to bully until they get their nose bloodied. They love a victim and I won't be one.

:dem:

[DisgustedDemocrat]

10. Try to resolve it by peaceful means first, but always stand up

to a bully and never back down.

[DS1]

11. Cluster bombs

[thebaghwan]

12. Kick their ass even if you have to pay someone else to protect you.

I was very badly bullied in the 7th and 8th grades. I had a heart problem and couldn't fight. It was a very traumatic experience which I believe effects me right down to today. Eventually I was rescued by a new kid in the school who just like took up my case and beat the shit out of the other guy. I never had another problem.

[Disandra]

13. *BIG HUG*

I would have kicked their ass for you, too.

I'm highly sensitive over the whole "Let us bully the kid who can't fight for him/herself" line of reasoning. Very few things tick me off more than this.

[Xithras]

14. Get big friends

I was a pretty scrawny kid all the way through high school, and a computer geek, chess geek, and band geek to top it off, so I was a natural bully magnet. And yet I was only beat up once, because I had big friends. They covered my behind and set me up with hot girls, and in return I handled the AV at their parties (my laser shows were bad***), gave them a hand with the electronic portions of souping up their cars, and occasionally helped them with their homework. No coersion involved...they scratched my back, and I theirs.

Oh, the one guy who did beat me up had his arm broken in retribution (I didn't say anything to anyone, they just did it).

[mitchum]

15. Hit him with a brick

fair fights are for suckers

[AndyTiedye]

16. I Was Too Small & Uncoordinated to Hit Back OR Run Away

So I'd just smile at them while they hit me.
This really freaked them out.

I made it through my teens on sheer masochism
(and strong stomach muscles).

[Bake]

36. Damn right! No such thing as a "fair fight."

Pick up whatever is handy if you have to. Stick, baseball bat, brass knucks, etc. I'm not saying KILL the bully, but make sure he doesn't try it again. A kick in the balls or a gouge of the eyes will do a lot to disorient/disarm the bully, then get your shots in!

Bake

[DoNotRefill]

17. Fight like hell....

backing down just encourages them, and lets them move on to other victims.

BTW, I agree with the "fight dirty" philosophy...if they start it, finish it, and do it quickly with overwhelming force.

I used to get bullied all the time, often by groups of kids. I found that by singling one out and just pounding the hell out of him, they learned not to mess with me. Of course, I got the shit kicked out of me sometimes, but at least one of them always went home in worse condition than me.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

19. One fight thats all it took for me

and no one messed me with ever again ...

I was a quiet kid in the 7th grade : quiet female , clarinet playing , geeky , was picked on a lot because of my overbite , did not have a lot of friends etc . I was having a bad day when all of sudden the class bully decided to continue his constant picking on me . We were coming back from lunch and as we sat down at our desks , he begin calling me " teethfess teethfess " over and over again . Tears begin to roll down my cheeks . He pushed me and then all of a sudden anger came out of me and I smacked him . Smacked him so hard that I left a handprint on his face , the handprint was visible for the next 2 days . Everyone in class was like " Whoa ! " because I was the quiet kid , no one thought I had it in me . I felt relieved after I smacked him . But I still felt bad inside and I begin to cry again . The two of us were called to the assistant principal's office and we were put into in school suspension ( the only time I EVER got in trouble ) - I did not want to stay there so I asked my parents to come and get me , please . My stepfather came to the school to pick me up and instead of being mad , he gave me a " high five " and told me I made my mark and sometimes you have to fight . No one messed with me EVER again ... this legend/ story went on with my all through high school and no one messed with me then either ... sometimes one fight can make your mark :)

[Piperay]

20. Playground bullies or adult

bullies you have to stand up to them and never give in. If you give in to a bully they keep coming back and demanding more and more, you have got to stand up to them one way or the other. :grr: :nuke:

[Kamika]

21. to quote that guy in starship troopers

"Violence has resolved more conflicts than anything else"


Seriously though.. You HAVE TO stand up for yourself.. ALWAYS!!! notonly on the playground.


If you let it go, your whole life will look like that

[BigMcLargehuge]

30. Great quote!!!!

I love that book.

[Kamika]

34. I only saw the movie

I loved the movie.. should I read the book?

[Nlighten1]

22. Stand up for yourself.

[NoPasaran]

23. Fight

If bullies go unchallenged they grow up to be republicans.

[LWolf]

24. Other.

Don't fight on the playground. At least, not at my school. If you fight, you will be suspended. With an attachment to your permanent record. It won't matter who started it. It won't matter if it was justified. If you participate, you're toast.

I should say that we keep our kids in supervised areas, the kids know we're watching, and no one is without support. So the bullying that takes place is verbal, not physical.

If you engage in verbal bullying, or verbal "fighting" that includes epithets, you can be suspended. I suspended 3 of my students at the beginning of the year for exactly that. The terms flung back and forth included, "yo mama," "nigger," "ho," and "pimp."

New students, who hadn't run into the expectation of civility before, apparently.

What do you do instead? I spend all year teaching my kids conflict management skills. We used to do it across the board at our school, until growth and management change deep-sixed that.


All that said, I do have to say that I agreed with one of my students this year, even though we had to "talk" to him.

The class was running a lap at PE. (5th and 6th graders. My school has K - 8th grade). A group of boys from the jr high nearby get out earlier, and were passing by on the other side of the fence on the way home. Taunting the kids. Telling them, "Just wait til you get to high school. We're gonna kick your asses." At which point one of my 6th grade boys stopped, faced them, rolled his eyes, and said, "Why don't you come on over the fence and say that? I'll kick your ass right here." Needless to say, they didn't. They left quickly. And haven't been back.

Don't fight on school grounds. Don't fight when you don't need to. Don't fear, and you may not need to.

[AndyTiedye]

27. My Teachers Were Always Fair...

...and balanced, like FauxNews :-(
so they would give the bullies a pass
and send me to the principals office. :grr:

[mlawson]

41. Exactly. They were assholes.

The teachers always sided with the bullies, especially if they were jocks. Fuck them.

[TXlib]

25. Fight, but if you're smaller, make your first strike count

A well-placed blow to the nose will produce so many involuntary tears that the bully can't see you as you continue to pound him.

Don't be afraid to use a sucker-punch, but only after you've exhausted reason.

Also, don't be afraid of losing and getting the shit kicked out of you. The point isn't to beat the bully up (but great if you do), but to make yourself a troublesome target.

That was the advice my dad gave me back in 1978 or so. The world is a different place. Break a bully's nose, and your parents get sued, and you get put in violence counselling. Plus, you don't know if the bully's packing a gun. That wasn't a concern back in 1978.

[AndyTiedye]

28. Doens't Work if they are Bigger AND Faster

[DinahMoeHum]

26. I believe in "Haydukery" (dirty tricks) on a bully. . .

the aim of such dirty trickery is, in the words of a Gilbert and Sullivan song, to "...unwittingly represent a source of innocent merriment..."


:evilgrin:

[rbnyc]

29. I always stood up to the bullies.

Sometimes they ended up to be good friends. Sometimes they ended up to be good enemies.

[BigMcLargehuge]

31. Stand up for yourself, and the other potential victims

I was bully bait all through elementary and middle school. It's easy to be the target when:

you're the new kid
you play violin
you're way short for you age
you're overweight by about 30 lbs for your frame
You like to read and do your homework
You stink at baseball
You wear thick glasses
You don't have alot of money so you wear "cheap" and "old" clothes everyday

It all came to a head in 7th grade for me when a kid wanted a basketball I was using in gym class. When I passed it off to a friend he told me he was "gonna get me" before class was over. When he did finally come for me I let him put both hands on my glasses (he was gonna take them off then punch me) as soon as he did and his hands were busy I punched him in the teeth, when he recovered and tried to push me back I punched him in the eyes, then the throat, then the nose, then I shoved him back and grabbed his ears and pounded his head into the polished wood floor of the gym.

He changed schools.

My advice is, especially when confronted with more than one opponent, hit the guy with the biggest mouth first. That generally short circuits all the other opponents for some mysterious reason. Enter every physical conflict without regard to your own safety and let your reflexes do their job. Hit often and go for soft tissue, there's no reason to break your hand on some assholes chin. It's legal to kick to the nuts regardless of what anyone else says.

What I've found tends to set a better precedent and engender more overall respect on the playground though, is stepping in to protect another bully victim. Even if you take an asskicking for it, if you put yourself between kid A and kid B all the other kids respect that you did it and it tends to keep the bullies off your back. It also draws in valuable allies from the non-involved.

Chicks dig scars.

[AndyTiedye]

40. What Reflexes?

> let your reflexes do their job

Haven't got any.

Most of these postings assume that once the adrenaline kicks in,
that we all turn into Superman. Not me. All it does is give
me the "shakes" and make me even less coordinated than usual.

[Padraig18]

32. Kick his a**!

It's the only way to back one off.

[jimbo fett]

33. I was smart but scrawny so I made a friend who was big & no so smart

He "had my slack" and I helped him study.

Worked well in 5th and 6th grade.

Then I learned how to bluff. By then I was tall (still scrawny) but I learned that most bullies really aren't interested in fighting. So, I'd bluff them and at the same time give them an "out" so that they wouldn't lose face.

[PerpetualWar]

35. Stand up to him

[0rganism]

37. Organize a sabotage campaign

Set the bully up for discomfort. Send an anonymous collected report on the child's behavior to the parents, weekly. Put an extra lock on his bicycle. "Reluctantly" give him bogus cheat sheets for tests. Publish a cartoon in the school paper of which he is the obvious, albeit aliased, antagonist. Pre-emptively mark the George Washingtons on your lunch money with speech bubbles like "{bully's name} stole me". No mercy.

[populistmom]

38. Embarrass the bully and make him (or her) cry

That's what I used to do. There were a couple of times someone attempted to pick on me, but I found their weaknesses and hammered them verbally. Only once, did it end up physical. I ended up getting a punch and a fat lip. Still, I never scared easily.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

39. I'd rather deal with a bully than a master manipulator

a bully is much more up front.

[banana republican]

42. GIVE THEM

A BLOODY NOSE.