|
Carrie Underwood mangling "She's Leaving Home." Kelly Clarkson messing up the lyrics to "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band." Ruben Studdard doing "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds?" The velvet teddy bear?
Sadly, it appears that nobody remembered to tell Clive Davis that this was a live episode of "American Idol" and not an annual shareholders' meeting. He apparently thought he was addressing the Board of Directors of his company.
Gwen Stefani gets to lip-sync via satellite, while Jennifer Hudson is there in person, but is made to sit in the audience for the entire show. They fall all over Carrie Underwood (oohhh, she has a Grammy!... a Country Music Association award!... say, let's give her another award that we just made up!). Meanwhile, Jennifer Hudson is sitting there in the SAME ROOM she won her Oscar at just three months ago. And do they deign to give her a few minutes out of the 120 minutes available? No, they give the woman dressed like Big Bird plenty of stage time to wiggle her belly...
The big shocker, though, was Bette Midler. What the hell was she doing there in the first place? With all the Beatles songs I was sure they were building up to a "surprise" appearance of Paul McCartney. Is this what happened: Sir Paul cancelled The Night Before and the producers were in a panic Yesterday, when all their troubles seemed so far away, because Sir Paul decided he was going to sing For No One. The producers thought, well whatever it is, We Can Work It Out. One last-ditch phone call resulted in Sir Paul saying merely Hello, Goodbye and hanging up. With this show mainly Being for the Benefit of Mr. Cowell and Mr. Fuller, they rang up The Divine Miss M even though it was 3 a.m. in Europe and said, Good Morning, Good Morning. The grateful Miss M said, no problem, I can be Here, There and Everywhere. Besides, I'm replacing Celine and I could really use a shot of publicity. Just tell me I don't have to deal with Mean Mr. Mustard. "Oh no, Miss M," replied Mr. Fuller. Nobody will ever know what Things We Said Today. Her plane was late and the show had already started, so She Came in Through The Bathroom Window. When she couldn't find the stage, she asked Katharine how to get there, but Katharine would only say I don't know, Think For Yourself. Bette brushed passed her muttering "Your Mother Should Know" and when asked why she was there instead of Paul, said he's a real Nowhere Man. Upon passing the Bush Baby guy and his buddy, Bette tried to decide whether to sing "I am the Walrus" or "Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey." She merely advised them, "Don't you listen to what the man says." Spotting Mr. Fuller and Mr. Davis she broke into a few bars of "Baby You're A Rich Man." Bette thought to herself, "When I'm 64 I'm sure as hell not going to turn down an opportunity like this. I'm Fixing a Hole in this Rock Show... enough of the Beatles, folks, Maybe I'm Amazed to be here, but it's all thanks to the Wind Beneath My Wings."
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
