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Seems you have two issues here, so here we go:
1. Here's what I took from your first situation, correct me if I've confused any of your pronouns: Your husband's cousin (HC) is a female. HC's mother didn't send out HC's wedding invitations on time. HC's mother still managed to find the time to tell you where HC is registered. Mother never intended to invite the family anyway (or did you mean to say that HC never intended this?). HC is having a wedding five hours away in an expensive location.
My response: assuming I have parsed the above correctly, then I say: If HC can't be bothered to send her own invitations, then fuck her. If HC is so classless as to tell non-invited people where she's registered, then fuck her. It's bad enough to be registered; and worse to tell people about it without their asking; it's super duper worse to tell people that aren't invited. It's also tacky to invite people at the last minute. I imagine they probably reserved a big chunk of rooms or had to guarantee a certain size group for dinner, and their first round of invitations had too many declines, so they're desperately rounding people up.
2. You have a friend, a small boy child, who invited you to his birthday party. His mother doesn't like people to bring gifts for her children's birthday parties. You have never brought a gift. "They" - here, I assume you mean the children, but I can't be sure - don't understand why they never receive a gift from you. You don't like not bringing a gift because you feel it makes you look poor, and because it makes you feel bad. However, you then say that you only complied with mother's request once - and you've been going to parties for ten years. I'm not sure where the "don't understand why we don't bring them anything" comes from.
I also don't understand why this is an issue for you. Clearly, if you have been doing this for ten years, and have always, except once, brought a gift; and clearly the other guests have all bought gifts (because you say they have); then mother clearly has no problem with people bringing gifts.
So tell HC to go fuck herself and take a slow sit on a sharp pole, and take a gift to your young boy child friend's birthday party and have a good time!
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