Worry about my 10 year old son or no?

[Pacifist Patriot]

Okay, my darling little boy just wrote his first poem. I'm not sure whether to be proud of his attempt or startled by what he wrote.


A last breath is like the dawn of a war

with twisting and churning

you think of it steadily knowing it to be the end

the last time you brave to the end

you find blood appalling but surgery enduring

you think of finding a perfect place

more or less an aching place

the sorrow gone and removed from the world

is all you need to have your last breath

I asked him what the poem meant and he shrugged and said, "I don't know. It just came out." So I asked him what images were in his mind and he told me a "dead tree in a barren wasteland with a crow sitting in the branches...oh, and that cool golf course behind grandma's place in South Carolina." I asked him if death was a good thing or a bad thing and he said, "neither, it depends." I told him some of it seemed suicidal to me and he was able to point out the line where I got that impression. But then I told him there was also something that seemed perhaps life affirming and he knew which line I meant for that too. I asked him if he was suicidal and he said something about "not a chance, I wouldn't be able to learn how to kickflip on my skateboard."

Okay, I know he is no literary genius so don't bother applying any significant literary criticism to the work. I'm just wondering what you would think if your fourth grader popped out with this as a first run at poetry. -- I should probably add that our extended family has had quite a bit of non-elective surgery in the past six months. Maybe that's where it's coming from? *shrug*

[Pacifist Patriot]

1. Ignore this response.

Testing because DU is going wanky on me.

[bicentennial_baby]

2. I wrote a similar poem at that age...

and was quickly called into the principal's office and into a parent/teacher conference. Your conversation with him sounds good, maybe keep an eye on him, but I wouldn't be too worried.

:hug:

[Pacifist Patriot]

13. I'm assuming you turned out okay?

:)

[Zuiderelle]

3. That's a very good poem.

Very impressive from a ten year old. If you don't see any signs of anything to worry about, apart from this poem, then I don't think you need to worry at all.

I believe that writing talent can be as natural and intuitive as musical talent, sometimes, it just flows out naturally. I think it is very likely coming from the surgery experiences in your extended family, more than from some darker place.

He's very talented. :thumbsup:

[Arugula Latte]

4. I have a ten-year-old son as well.

I think the poem is very sophisticated and amazing. Your seems like a smart, thoughtful kid who is doing a good job getting out some feelings and images.

I'd be proud.

[Pacifist Patriot]

5. Um, this is his second poem.

half the time our brains think fast

but then comes love and hate and doubt

wouldn't there be a place of relief

of songs and dance and magic feasts

of a time without care

and all who share

shall recieve no more

than sanctuary....

[nini]

6. I tend to agree with you that it 'could' sound suicidal

However, it could be innocent and your son just has an exceptional gift of words. It does seems heavy for a 10 year old though. I'm not sure what to say other than you are right to wonder and keep an eye on him and to keep encouraging dialog with you. You are a good parent to wonder and to talk to him about it.

[Pacifist Patriot]

7. Considering his second poem above, I'm worrying a bit less.

He's also given me plenty of eyeball rolling and "come on mom's" about it.

[nini]

10. ha.. love the eye rolling - yep... he's fine!

I didn't see the 2nd one when I posted and see his thoughts are just very mature for his age. He's definitely extremely gifted with his use of words. I could NEVER come up with something like that in a million years.

[Whoa_Nelly]

8. Collect and publish

The kid's got talent!

[EstimatedProphet]

9. I think that's pretty impressive for a 10 year old

And I wouldn't worry about it sounding suicidal. I don't really see that.

[carly denise pt deux]

11. Holy cow, this is from a 10-year-old?

He has a gift of expression, keep the poem and be proud of his work. Most 10-year-old kids are just trying to find words that rhyme at the end of each line, his poem has meaning and sounds like it was written by one much older. It almost sounds like the lyrics of a song. I would give him an A.

Carly

[Pacifist Patriot]

12. He's been begging me for guitar lessons...

and says he wants to write his own songs. I'm thinking I know what to get him for Christmas. I wasn't terribly impressed with the first poem, but I'm definitely struck by the second (posted above in the thread).

[uppityperson]

14. I like the cool golf course being added inthe image

Sounds like quite a kid, empathetic and active.

[Rabrrrrrr]

15. He's spent 60% of his life living in a country at war

And he's a great poet! Good stuff. Encourage him to write more.

I think he has a real gift.

:applause:

[rbnyc]

16. Very creative, great sense of language for his age.

I would be very encouraging. I understand being worried, given the subject matter. But if your boy is having these feelings and is in touch with these issues, writing about them is about the best thing possible.

It's good that you asked him outright if he were feeling suicidal. I would take him at his word.

You have a smart and sensitive little boy. You must be so proud of him.

[unpossibles]

17. it's really good first of all

especially for that age.

as to the darker imagery, I know it's hard to ignore, but I think it's natural. Were it all dark it may be scarier, and it's good that you talked with him about it (instead of "to him"), but sounds perfectly normal to me. One thing to consider is that some people, like myself, tend to express dark things to get them out, but I am actually generally a pretty happy person. It sounds like your son is the same. Encourage him to write more and maybe even try to come up with ideas with him - art can be a great way to not only express difficult ideas and emotions, but also a way to not feel alone, as silly as that may sound.

[Left Is Write]

18. I wouldn't worry necessarily -

a certain amount of doom-and-gloom poetry comes with the territory of growing up. Mr. LIW used to write stuff that absolutely horrified his mother.

Have you ever read any of my more disturbing short stories? I was once told I was "demented and mentally diseased" for some of my horror-themed stories. However, I do not believe I am any more demented than the average human being. ;)

Your son has lots of talent. Keep an eye on him, and keep talking to him as you did above. Good communication is always helpful!

[Pacifist Patriot]

21. LOL! Yes, I can so totally see you as demented and mentally diseased.

NOT!

No, I don't think I have ever read some of your more disturbing short stories. I don't think I even knew you had some horror-themed ones.

I tell you, this kid has me totally flumoxed. Later this afternoon he wrote a poem about the exploitation of child labor in Asia. Geez-oh-Pete!

[Left Is Write]

24. Maybe you have a future activist on your hands!

Many of my horror-themed stories were posted on the old Writers' Cafe.

[Pacifist Patriot]

25. Ah, that explains it. That was when I was in grad school.

I barely had time to read the instructions on a box of mac and cheese. So are you going to email me any?

[Left Is Write]

29. Sure, if you want me to.

[Pacifist Patriot]

30. I'd love it!

[GoneOffShore]

19. Good poem - Has he been reading T.S. Eliot or Ted Hughes?

[Pacifist Patriot]

20. Not that I know of and furthermore I'm ashamed to admit...

I've never heard of Ted Hughes.

[MichiganVote]

22. Sounds like a budding linguist with a great sense of image

Wouldn't be a 10 year old boy if you didn't write about blood. And I have two so I should know!

Sometimes we all just write what comes to mind. Love the first line.

[SmokingJacket]

23. That's amazing! He's very intense.

While I'd keep a careful eye on him (of course, you do that anyway) I'd be more proud than worried.

My almost-10 yr old son is still writing about the cuteness of cats...

[LaurenG]

26. He's an artist

I have one like that though he's grown now he would write and draw many unusual things as a child.

:hi:

[Beausoir]

27. I think it's cool. My 11 year old son could never come up with something like that.

He tends more toward the engineering genius side of things. :-)

[LostinVA]

28. I think it's very good, especially considering his age

[Kali]

31. 10 years old???

:wow:

[wildhorses]

32. i think there is a reason for the old adage

and a child shall lead them...

i am not going to say it is from the bible cos that is NOT what the point is...

[Lydia Leftcoast]

33. That is one smart ten-year-old you have there

See if he can find a writing mentor somewhere before the dreaded "other guys" tease or beat all the poetry out of him.

I'm not kidding.