So I have this little problem...

[hiaasenrocks]

I talk and spend a good deal of time with my cousin who is four years older than I. We are first cousins, once removed. (She is my mom's first cousin, but her mom was born very late, that's why we're not too far apart in age.)

She has no kids and is married to a guy who is a good provider (she's sort of in a position where this is necessary; I am not trying to say that women need providers. Just a little disclaimer there.) But this guy is somewhat emotionally inattentive, and kind of a couch potato and one of those 24-7 sports/golf TV watching dudes. She talks to me about this quite frequently.

Also, she's incredibly insecure about herself. She often brings up her appearance, something she is extremely sensitive about. I happen to think she's a beautiful woman, inside and out. Over the last six or seven years she has lost a good deal of weight and has slimmed down, yet her husband, who is very much overweight, makes some mild references to her previous weight whenever she eats something. (Yes, he is an ass.)

My problem is that I feel the need to tell her that she's beautiful and a great person, because a) it's true, and b) I know she needs to hear it from someone she trusts and believes, and she doesn't get that from her husband. And I know, from the way our conversations go, that this wouldn't just be a passing comment. It would be a conversation.

So...I want some opinions. Is it inappropriate for a male to say something like that to his female cousin? Do I run the risk of her taking this the wrong way, and have her thinking that I am looking at her in a sexual way? I'm confused about this myself, so that's what leads me to wonder if this whole thing is going to be confusing.

Should I just be a good listener? And, if so, could she be misreading my NOT saying something positive as an indication that I'm another male who thinks she's not good looking?

I just want to be a good friend/cousin to her.

[wildhorses]

1. go ahead and admit it

you are in love with her (a little bit)

[hiaasenrocks]

3. Funny. I knew this would seem strange to some people...

I just want to say the right thing, and REALLY don't want it to sound the wrong way. Which, now that I see your response, I guess maybe there's no way to accomplish that.

So that's one vote for silence, I guess. :)

[wildhorses]

4. actaully, no. i think you need to talk with her

just preparing you...cos i have this funny feeling that she is in love (a little bit)with you

[hiaasenrocks]

6. Wait. Do you know her? :)

What would make you have a feeling like that?

[wildhorses]

8. dude ---

it is a curse, trust me...i do not know or understand how it works...and, i could be wrong

just talk to her, ok

:hug:

[hiaasenrocks]

9. Alright. I'll take your word for it. n/t

[flvegan]

2. You can never give someone too much positive feedback.

Don't think of the "cousin" thing. It's no more inappropriate than it would be telling your sister or your female friends. You're not hitting on her. If she thinks you're looking at her in a sexual way, then that's her mistake which you can correct later if need be. You're not, so don't let it stop you.

I think you're doing her "a favor" if you will. Everyone likes to get that feel-good positive energy. If you think that she should hear it, maybe needs to hear it, then so be it. Do it.

[hiaasenrocks]

5. Thank you. I hadn't thought about simply looking at her as just a friend.

Even though I do. Hmmm.

I guess the family thing just put it in a weird category.

[flvegan]

7. Pre-emptive perception

I think is the case here. You're thinking of how she's going to think of this. It's admirable, but you can't let that keep you from doing something very nice for her.

Besides, if it ever comes up (the question of romantic intentions), it's easy to say, "uh, dude...you're like, my cousin 'n stuff."

See?

[hiaasenrocks]

10. That's exactly how I'd handle it. IF that did come up, I'd know

what to do.

The problem is, I don't want it to get to that point. I'd hate to lose the friendship we have in addition to being cousins.

I think you've given me some good advice. Thanks.

[Rabrrrrrr]

11. Dear Penthouse Letters: I never believed these letters were reall until now...

:rofl:

Just kidding - I think it's perfectly fine to tell a cousin that she's attractive. That's one of the benefits of being related: you can say stuff like that AND it will be appreciated.

One can almost never go wrong telling a person he/she is attractive.

[hiaasenrocks]

12. Ha! Nice.

Good points, too. Thankya.