Requesting input/advice from anyone who has experience with this

[irish.lambchop]

I am dating a man in Ireland. He is currently going through judicial separation. I met him 7 months after he had moved out of the marital home. His wife has gotten hold of my cell phone number and leaves harassing/threatening messages. Her last message was that she was working on getting my address. I have contacted my cell provider inquiring about blocking her calls and they are working on it, however, they did advise me that via the internet anyone can cross-reference a cell number and get addresses for a small fee. I am due to be back in Ireland the end of May for three months and am not looking forward to constantly looking over my shoulder. I've not been able to get input thus far about keeping this woman from harassing me - I am a U.S. citizen and she is an Irish citizen. I do know that when she makes her harassing calls, she does so from her place of employment. If I contact the owner, she'll most likely lose her job and that means the man I'm involved with will end up paying not only maintenance for their 17-yr old and the mortgage on the house but also support for her because she's no longer employed. The laws in Ireland re this kind of stuff are ancient and the family courts always favor the woman - no matter what the circumstances may be. Any input, suggestions, advice will be so very, very welcome - thank you!

[datasuspect]

1. welcome to the lounge

i've never been married, so i don't have much advice, but there are plenty of well-meaning people here who could help you out.

[irish.lambchop]

3. Kudos to you

I've never been married either and don't plan on it. Have worked really hard raising my son on my own and making a life for myself. My son is grown now and is a caring, conscientious liberal - so I've done my job and just when I feel like I can spread my wings and enjoy myself, I get introduced to a psycho bitch :-)

[Chan790]

2. Best advice I can give...

is hire a barrister in Ireland to advise you.

They're going to know better how to handle this better than anybody here because they're going to know the laws. It seems like that would be harassment though and possibly criminal, particularly if she's being threatening. Criminal acts are going to trump family court...Ireland doesn't mess around on terroristic threats. I do know that much.

Also, talk to the guy you're dating. You don't want to do anything which is going to screw him over. If she gets charged with a crime he may get custody. He may not want or be prepared for that.

[irish.lambchop]

4. Have just sent an inquiry

to a solicitor based there. The guy I'm dating would be more than willing to take custody if it turns out that way - his sons are 21 and 17 yrs old so he'd get custody of the youngest. They are closer to him than their mother. I most certainly don't want him to get screwed in this but I also don't want to be looking over my shoulder the entire time I'm in Ireland. This would be considered a "terroristic threat"? Many thanks for your input!

[Lyric]

5. Harassment and stalking are crimes in Ireland, too

Report her to her local constables, and mail them your cell phone records. Save some of her harassing messages, to prove what she's saying, and mail or e-mail those as well. Take notes every time you have contact with her, including details about the content of conversations, dates, and times--and provide that information to the person investigating the case. Also, report her behavior to her employer as well--they don't deserve to pay for her expensive international phone calls just so she can harass you overseas.

[irish.lambchop]

7. I have saved her voice messages

and have put them in transcript form as my cell only saves messages for 30 days. From what I can gather, you are suggesting I go the local Garda (police) there when in Ireland and file a complaint. I hadn't even thought of that - thank you! My thoughts immediately went to hiring a solicitor there - big bucks!

[Lyric]

11. You don't have to be physically *in* Ireland to report a crime there

So long as the criminal is in Ireland, and you will be there at some point in the foreseeable future if they need you to testify, you can telephone in your report to them. They might not be able to do much--but they'll certainly talk to her about it, which will likely scare her pretty significantly and convince her to leave you alone.

It's worth a try, at any rate. If they say you can't file a report over the phone, then you can just do it when you get to Ireland. Make sure you get a protective order of some kind if you can, forbidding her to contact you or approach you at any time. That way you can have her hauled off the the lockup if she tries to harass you while you're there in Ireland.

Also--you can record messages from your cellphone. Just turn the speakerphone on, and use your computer's microphone (or buy one, if you don't have one) and save it as a .wav file. :)

[irish.lambchop]

13. Thank you!

I shall record them now! And I am looking up the Dublin Garda station as well to report this. Think it's important to at least have a record of my concerns should anything happen. Thank you, again!

[Writer]

6. The man you're dating needs to step in on your behalf...

it's not your job, in my opinion, but his. He needs, knowing Irish law as he should, put an end to her harassment. She obviously cannot handle that he has a girlfriend and is acting inappropriately.

[skygazer]

8. If you are in the US now

I would suggest contacting a US lawyer experienced in international law and ask them what the best course of action would be.

I would also suggest the man consult a lawyer on his end.

What you don't want to do, in my opinion, is take any of this into your own hands. That just puts you in the same position she's in.

Good luck.

[rug]

9. Lure her into a dark alley and beat the shit out of her.

[irish.lambchop]

10. I would never do that.

It would be illegal, unethical and immoral. And I most certainly wouldn't pass that on to anyone I know in Ireland :-) Seriously, would never stoop to her level - she's nuts!

[Connonym]

12. Welcome to DU

the Lounge is full of smart asses (I say this affectionately), I don't think the beating up comment was meant to be taken seriously. You'll get used to our senses of humor.

[irish.lambchop]

15. I know that.

Not that I wouldn't be tempted :) though. I love the input and sense of community here!

[Kali]

14. I don't know about the other stuff, but you can't block her number?

That would seem an easy first step.

[irish.lambchop]

16. My cell provider is working on it

seems it may be an issue as the numbers she calls from are international and I'm dealing with Nextel. I have a Motorola i920 smartphone which works internationally, but there was nothing in the manual about how to block specific numbers. They said they'd get back to me.

[Kali]

17. Huh - maybe I'm thinking of e-mail

Can't say as how I know how to block calls either...good luck - maybe her ex can do something.