Cracked's 11 Guy Movie Classics That Secretly Suck

[Crap_in_a_Hat]

http://www.cracked.com/index.php?name=News&sid=1876
I don't agree down to the last detail; I love "Usual Suspects" and "Platoon". I will be the first to agree that "Scarface" and "Donnie Darko" are grotesquely overrated.

[GOPisEvil]

1. I've been reading for 5 seconds and spotted an error...

"Top Gun" features the F-14, not the F-18.

Anyway, he's right about a few of those, but Usual Suspects is brilliant.

[AlCzervik]

2. Billie Madison does suck, he should have stppoed at Happy Gilmore.

I love The Usual Suspects and the rest--meh.

[bigwillq]

3. Scarface and Usual Suspects are classics

imo

[pokerfan]

4. The Exorcist and The Shining are classic guy films?

:wtf:

[Crap_in_a_Hat]

7. I think he just wanted to rant about those movies too

and this was the most suitable umbrella he could find.

[Courtesy Flush]

17. Whew. Glad to hear my brothers don't claim them.

[supernova]

5. Don't think of Donnie Darko

as specifically a "guy flim." It seems to be more of a goth girl's movie to me. ;-)

[mduffy31]

23. I think Kevin Smith said it best about Donnie Darko

After the movie is over you just sit there and think "what the fuck just happened."

[ghostsofgiants]

6. I love The Shining, Donnie Darko and The Usual Suspects...

Though I'm not sure I'd classify them as "guy movies."

The others can slag off though.

[bbernardini]

8. But do they still have that janitor guy as a "mascot" of sorts?

Like Mad has Alfred E. Newman, Cracked always had that janitor guy. I know they've completely reinvented themselves, but I was wondering if they retained the janitor.

[Crap_in_a_Hat]

11. Yeah, they did

For the three print issues their new look lasted for.

[Elidor]

9. Hey, Cracked staff-

"Fuck yoo, meng. You think I ain't got what it takes? I know how to get things, meng. In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

"What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way!"
----------
Scarface is so bad it's immortal. Goodfellas wishes it was this trashy and camp. Granted, Platoon was boring and lame, and easily overshadowed by Full Metal Jacket, and Usual Suspects is merely very good without being great.

[Blue_Tires]

24. truth...

what was once a merely decent movie has simply not aged well, and has crossed over from bloody crime drama to pure comedy, from the music, set designs, dialogue, and secondary characters...It continues to survive because imo Tony is such a compelling protagonist that we can't help but like (Scarface could have been truly great with perhaps better writing and production)...It will forever be in that time capsule as 1983's answer to Richard III/Macbeth and even Henry VIII with the themes of unchecked ambition and excess without restraint

[Strawman]

10. I want to know the "secrets" about what is really cool and what really sucks

I'd better subscribe today!

[mainegreen]

12. I'd disagree with putting The Shining on that list.

The emptiness that occurs in action actually IMHO helps enhance the feeling of disquiet and isolation, as well as making the scary/weird bits really stand out by comparison.
:shrug:

[Blue_Tires]

25. i agree

"The Shining" and "suck" do not belong in the same sentence...that writer probably just tossed it in there to stir shit up

[PVnRT]

13. Hmmm....why no Reservoir Dogs?

Someone in the print media finally needs to tell the world about how much of a steaming pile of green dogshit that this film is so that all of the people who hate it but don't say so for fear of not being one of the cool kids can finally be themselves again.

[Blue_Tires]

22. oh....

From your keyboard to the ears of the gods!!

You are not alone....

[edbermac]

14. Top Gun was no classic; it just plain sucked.

Just saw the Terminator a few days ago and it held up very well. The Shining and Exorcist are guy films?? Huh? Scarface is no classic, but I like it as a guilty pleasure.

[Crap_in_a_Hat]

15. "True Romance" is the only above-mediocre Tony Scott movie I've seen

And that was just because he had the Tarantino script.

[Courtesy Flush]

16. I agree with all of them

Some never appealed to me enough to watch them in the first place, and others made me turn off the TV halfway through. There's not a good movie in the bunch, IMHO.

Yes, I'm biased. Adam Sandler's name on a movie is enough to keep me away. I've seen a few of his works, and couldn't bear to watch any of them all the way through.

[skypilot]

19. I tend to agree with most of them...(Possible spoiler ahead)

...especially "Usual Suspects". He pretty much nailed my experience of that movie. I also didn't like it because I saw it around the same time that I saw "Seven", so having Kevin Spacey turn out to be the almost mythical bad guy (again) was kind of a letdown. And I will never quite get "The Shining" and I've seen it a number of times over the years thinking that my opinion of it might change as I got older. I dislike it as much now as I did when it came out in the early 80s.

[Blue_Tires]

26. i used to have trouble getting The Shining

until i read this analysis site:

http://www.drummerman.net/shining/


now I understand it on much better levels

[skypilot]

18. I recently watched "Scarface" again...

...and it just struck me as the cheesiest kind of 80s movie--right down to the music. "Carrie" is one of my favorite movies ever and it baffles me that "Scarface" was directed by the same man.

[Crap_in_a_Hat]

20. Yeah, Brian de Palma is hit-or-miss

I think "The Untouchables" is much better at capturing the whole brutality/glamor crime dichotomy. Whoa, that looks really pretentious written out. I'll have to go lowbrow to save it. Huh huh... Al Capone's fat.

[Broken_Hero]

21. hmm, agree on some, disagree on a a few others...

I totally disagree with Platoon, The Terminator, Blade, and The Usual Suspects...the rest I agree with...:D