Pickup lines that will guarantee you will get shot down....

[Wetzelbill]

I'll start:

Prepare for Ludicrous speed!!!!!!

[Drum]

quoting?

"I want to be...on you." -Ron Burgundy

[XemaSab]

1. I can see myself in your panties.

And your bra. :hide:

[Drum]

3. that DOESN'T work?

(thanks for the heads-up! :thumbsup: )

[NMDemDist2]

2. hey Baby, what's your sign?

unless, of course, you happen to be at an Astrologer's Convention

[barb162]

80. You're right. That's a truly bad line.

[ghostsofgiants]

4. "Hi, I'm Jonathan..."

I won't lie though, if I was a woman, Space Balls quotes would score you points with me, haha.

[Kutjara]

5. Let's have breakfast together. Shall I call you...or nudge you?

-This face leaves in five minutes. Be on it.
-Here's a quarter. Call your mom and tell her you won't be home tonight.
-You know what would look good on you? Me.

[XemaSab]

6. Nice sneakers quote

:P

[Kutjara]

7. They're all as old as the hills...

...but I'm sure some luckless slob somewhere is still using them today. :hi:

[LibDemAlways]

8. A former boss told me this gem a guy in a bar once

approached her with: "I'm really big. Wink. Wink (He actually said "wink" "wink") You won't be disappointed."

[Wetzelbill]

9. "Hi , I'm only 16 percent gay"

:)

[Maineiac]

10. Crim son & I were out once

and some guy kept coming up to her with this line:

"I want to kiss you ALL over!"

[SPKrazy]

56. Well let me scratch that one off....

hmmmm

:think:

[leftofthedial]

11. you don't sweat much for a fat girl

do ya?

[Oeditpus Rex]

12. All of 'em

At least, by any woman I'd care to woo.

[SeattleGirl]

13. I'd like to have 8 children. How 'bout you?

[Guava Jelly]

14. You got some nice Ti_s

:)
It always gets the ladies :silly:

[crispini]

23. I have actually had someone say those very words to me.

It was election day. He was drunk off his ass and trying to find his polling place, and I was working the precinct election place. Needless to say, it did NOT work.

[edbermac]

34. I am no longer infected.

[havocmom]

54. I had an eight year old boy pull that shit once.

Almost shoved his bike up his tiny little ass.

[DuaneBidoux]

59. Although in all fairness it doesn't sound like he particularly cared if it worked.

[barb162]

88. Wow, that's not even low class.

That's somewhere near "Deliverance" level in intelligence

[onager]

15. Try these from Egypt...

...where I've lived for nearly 2 years:

"I would trade all 4 of my other wives for you!"

Even if a female Western tourist has a husband or other male companion with her, an Egyptian bon vivant might say: "I will trade you 3 camels for that sexy woman."

Recently an American woman who has lived in Egypt for 10 years wrote about her scintillating conversations with Cairo cab drivers:

"Do you have children? How many? No? Why not? Are you married? No? Would you marry Egyptian man?"

She said her answer is always something like: "Thanks, but I just need a ride to the train station."

:rofl:

Tourist Tip: If you're a female Western tourist in Alexandria, Egypt, expect a lot of this treatment in the Montazah Gardens. Montazah is notorious as the most popular courting/pickup place in Alexandria. Since it has a lot of trees, bushes and trails, it is also a popular hangout for flashers.

More incredibly, at least to me, Montazah is the only place in the Middle East where I've seen fully veiled women holding hands with their boyfriends in public. (I also lived in Saudi Arabia for 2 years.)

[cloudbase]

52. A bit off the topic,

but I put a LOT of Stella away over at the Spitfire.

[Bukowski Fan]

16. Start by tapping a girl on the shoulder from behind

"excuse me, but you're standing on my penis"

works like a charm!

[datasuspect]

17. "darlin', i must have perfect vision, because i can see myself in your pants"

"how married are you?"




lothario: "did it hurt?'

target: "what?"

lothario: "when you fell down from heaven"

[LeftyFingerPop]

18. Are you looking for someone who...

is tall, dark, handsome and a great lover with a huge penis...or are you looking for me?

[Chan790]

19. That one works...

No?

[LeftyFingerPop]

20. Yep, it does oddly enough...

:evilgrin: :bounce:

[kwassa]

21. If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

works EVERY time.

:rofl:

[mikeytherat]

22. "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you take off your pants

and dance around a little?"

mikey_the_rat

[Deep13]

24. Have you ever seen a crisp, brand-new $50 bill?

[datasuspect]

25. corollary:

when making a purchase and the cashier/barmaid is hot, say (while handing over a $100 bill) "there's more where that came from."

[barb162]

84. And she responds: why, have you?

[Deep13]

112. ***wrong place***

[Richardo]

26. "Hey, wanna make $14 - the hard way?"

[NewJeffCT]

27. LOL, i remember that movie

that movie has so many great one-liners.

"Hey babe, you must have been something before electricity!"

"I bet if you buy that hat, you get a free bowl of soup (sees Judge Smales with that same hat) - oh, looks good on you, though."

[Richardo]

31. When I read those lines I hear Rodney's voice...

He could have been reading the phone book and I'd laugh. I miss him.

[mikeytherat]

28. "I have one huge, hard, throbbing reason why you should go home with me."

Honest-to-God, I heard and saw this exchange right in front of me some years back. Guy got a drink thrown in his face AND got slapped.

mikey_the_rat

[barb162]

83. She should have kicked him in the huge, hard....

[NewJeffCT]

29. How about a game of D&D in my basement?

Bring your own dice.

[Samurai_Writer]

129. Sadly, that one would work on me!

I'm a table top RPG addict, and yes, I do have my own dice!

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

30. "You wanna f____ or should I just apologize now?"

"Do you take American Express?"

[Beer Snob-50]

32. Excuse me, I am rich.

Women fall for that every time.

[av8rdave]

33. Does this shirt look good on me? It will look great on your bedroom floor.

[ComerPerro]

103. That shirt is very becoming on you. Of course, if I was that shirt, I'd be....

[youthere]

35. Are we related? Because I can really see ME in YOU.

Actually had a guy say this to me.

[youthere]

36. "well..it isn't going to suck itself"

stolen from a DU post the other day.:rofl:

[guitar man]

120. :)

:hi:

I think that would be my post?? :hide:

[Deep13]

37. Can I buy you a roofie-colada?

[deepthought42]

43. Giggity. n/t

[Deep13]

38. How would you like to be my next ex-wife?

[Wetzelbill]

39. That outfit is very becoming on you, of course if I was on you

I'd be coming too. :)

[edbermac]

40. Can I use your underwear to make soup?

:P

[barb162]

89. WHAT?!!!

[edbermac]

111. A line from Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

Steve Martin asked a character "Can I use your daughter's underwear to make soup?"}(

[Rambis]

41. I heard this one once.. "You have a maggot in your hair"

needless to say it didn't work for the guy in 7th grade LOL!

[barb162]

90. You have hair like wire

I know the person who said this to a girl he liked in high school. I laughed SO HARD!

[KamaAina]

42. "I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?"

:dunce:

[In_The_Wind]

44. Wanna see how much fun 1/2 an open-marriage is?

[Wetzelbill]

51. yeah, but if you used it that would work

:toast:

[hunter]

45. I'm a people watcher who has been is some bad places.

I've seen everything work.

"Bite Me!"

"Okay!"

Ughhhhhh.

I've seen puking on someone work as a pickup line, for both sexes, although technically maybe the actual pickup line goes something like "Oh, dear, let me take you home."

The first pickup line that worked on me was, "Let's go. You have to eat." Then she took my hand and I followed her. For all I knew she could have been a psychopath, but it was the first time a woman had ever asked me something like that. I mean like, she had breasts!

I was such a geek, an easy target.

[Forkboy]

46. "Hey there big tits!"

Keep your mouth open when delivering this line and you'll get a free drink when she tosses hers in your face!

Just here to help. :thumbsup:

[siouxsiecreamcheese]

47. "Was your daddy a terrorist?"

"Cuz you da bomb.." Yes, someone actually said that to me.

[SPKrazy]

58. OMG....

did it work? :silly:

[siouxsiecreamcheese]

72. hell no

I pretty much just laughed in the guys face!! He put his head down and walked away, probably realizing how pathetic it was.

[taught_me_patience]

48. "Hi my name is dave"

for some reason it never seems to work :shrug:

But this one always does:
"Does this rag smell like chloroform?" :evilgrin:

[conscious evolution]

67. Hi my name is Dave

doesn't work too well for me either.

And when I do get lucky my eyes are red for days.

I sure hate pepper spray.









:hide:

[Ms_Dem_Meanor]

49. "Can I come over?

In you would be even better"

[izzybeans]

50. "Mmm. That looks Yummy. Can I touch it?"

On edit: I actually heard this one. The same person turned around after inciting laughter to say something like "MMMMM. This beer tastes good . Wanna make out?"

[RedCappedBandit]

53. "I voted for Bush"

GET it?!?!? :rofl:

[benny05]

57. Did the person respond..

"I trust no Bush but my own"?

[benny05]

55. Too bad this is too late for the DUzy's List

But I will nominate for next week. I have hankies moist from cacklin' so much and hard.

:applause:

[Wetzelbill]

60. What are you lookin' at, sugar tits?

[Kutjara]

61. I find this line works best...

...if it'a followed up with a few choice observations about the role of Jewish people in world events.

[Wetzelbill]

62. and a stint in rehab

:toast:

[JVS]

98. Damn! that's good game

[LeftyFingerPop]

63. Approach the woman in question...

stare deeply into her eyes, and whisper "knock knock".

Her: Who's there?

You: Emerson

Her: Emerson who?

You: Emerson nice tits ya got there.

You men should consider yourself lucky I am not charging you for this advice.

[Wetzelbill]

69. do you know where a nice cemetary plot is?

you know, while we're in the neighborhood. :)

[billyskank]

64. There's no such thing as a pickup line

Really, if a girl likes you then you can say pretty much anything and you'll be happy, and if she doesn't like you then there is nothing you can say to change that.

[crispini]

65. Hi billy!

:hi: We've missed you around here. :hi:

[billyskank]

66. Hello

:hi:

[Wcross]

68. Spit some Red Man on the ground, "Get in the truck, biatch"....

I am told it works in some parts of rural Tennessee.........

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

115. Not a pickup line...

Actually part of the liturgy at in West Virginia wedding ceremony. To be followed by a reception featuring RC Cola and Moon Pies.

[blockhead]

70. me: how do you like your eggs in the morning?

her: unfertilized.

[deucemagnet]

71. "I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."

Spoken by the velour-clad ladies' man himself.

[jobycom]

73. Hell, it's late, you'll have to do. nt

[Starbucks Anarchist]

74. "Wanna shoot some rats down at the dump?"

[Wetzelbill]

79. it worked for Sean Penn anyway

:)

[Little Wing]

75. I hope you had a good lunch because you're going to taste it again after I fuck your ass

works every time

[Brewman_Jax]

76. You must be really tired...

'cause you've running through my mind all night!


lamest one I could think of off the top of my head. :rofl:

[EstimatedProphet]

77. "I have a highly flexible tongue."

[targetpractice]

78. If I were an enzyme, I would be DNA helicase...

so I could unzip your genes.

[barb162]

81. You have nice t-ts

[NewJeffCT]

93. I thought

compliments were a good thing?

:hide:

[Cabcere]

82. "Hi, I'm Cabcere."

x( (No, not really. I'm just in a bitchy mood tonight...ignore!) :hi:

[barb162]

85. LOL

[LostInAnomie]

86. I wanna put my herpes in you!

:patriot:

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

87. Hey, nice rack, babe! Are those things real?

:rofl:

[NewJeffCT]

92. You mean that won't work these days?

Damn, I guess I'm behind the times.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

96. Let me put it this way...

Anyone it WOULD work on, I wouldn't want to ask in the first place... :rofl:

[NewJeffCT]

99. well

I was just joking on the pick-up line. A woman that used to cut my hair was indignant about how some people think her rather large chest was fake... but, I doubt many would try to pick her up with any line as her husband would make a lot of NFL linebackers look small & wimpy.

[Wetzelbill]

91. You know, gonorrhea isn't curable anymore...

[Wetzelbill]

94. The bible says that a man should always come before a woman

but in your case, I'll make an exception.

[Burma Jones]

95. I've been watching you for weeks and weeks and God said you're the one for me

[Deja Q]

97. In a nervous, unsure voice:

"Hi. What's your name?"

[Wapsie B]

100. I've been told that as long as it's genuine

a nervous, unsure approach is more than welcome by women. But I'd be the last person to ask what works and what doesn't.

[Wetzelbill]

101. then when she starts to answer you abruptly cut her off by saying:

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!!!"

[Wetzelbill]

102. I loved your toenail clippings

[Wetzelbill]

104. Locking

Oh wait, I have no power to lock anything.

[SCantiGOP]

105. one that worked, one that doesn't

Actually had a friend who met a lady once by telling her she reminded him of his second wife. Somewhat taken aback, she said, "How many times have you been married?" With a twinkle in his eye he replied, "Once."
Heard from a bartender of one of the great comeback lines of all time. A very drunk guy, knowing this woman was trying to get rid of him, made one last desperate attempt with, "I'd just love to get into your pants." Her reply: "No need to; I've already got one asshole in there."

[TrogL]

106. I need to prove I'm not gay

Actually, that's worked a few times.

[Z_I_Peevey]

107. I've posted this before, but what the hey:

"Beneath 200 pounds of this is sheer effing fox."

[unpossibles]

108. "all my friends think I'm really creepy"

might work in a goth bar I suppose.

[Wetzelbill]

109. I'd love to fill your panties full of onions and cry myself to sleep

:: groan ::

Getting down to the last of the material here.

[PVnRT]

110. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies

If I said you had a hot body, would take all your clothes off?

[Deep13]

113. In my alphabet, U and I are together.

[Wetzelbill]

117. true story, I passed that in a note to a girl I was friends with

on the last day of class one time. Just joking around.

We never spoke again. That's fucked up. :)

[Wetzelbill]

118. oh wait no it was another alphabet one

Alphabetically speaking, U R A Q T.

:spank: :cry:

[Deep13]

114. I have room in the crawlspace for one more.

[Throwing Stones]

116. Say, do you have any Irish in you?

Would you like to?

[Wetzelbill]

119. Let me get up in dem guts!

[guitar man]

121. A couple gems

"I have a 10 inch tongue and I can breathe through my ears"

"Wanna dance?.....No?.....Well, I guess a blowjob's out of the question then isn't it?

[Wetzelbill]

122. Would you like a portion?

[Wetzelbill]

123. Why go for the Value meal when you could have the whole buffet?

[Hugin]

124. "Hey, nice hat!"

Strangely enough it always works for Bond James Bond... But, not for me.

*scratches head*

[MissMillie]

125. "So...... ya wanna?"

:shrug:

[Wetzelbill]

126. Drop the zero and get with the hero...

that gets bonus points for ending a career too.

[NewWaveChick1981]

127. "Hey, baby, I'm 17...Wanna party?"

:yoiks: :rofl: :hi:

[Hugin]

128. "Your place or mine?"

I'm thinking we should fix up our respective 'predator bait' officers... They must be lonely.

[NewWaveChick1981]

132. LOL... Where is Chris Hansen when you need him???

:shrug: :rofl: :hi: I think that's a great idea!

[Wetzelbill]

130. that is awesome

:spray: :rofl: :pals:

[NewWaveChick1981]

133. ...

:P :hi: :rofl:

[SPKrazy]

134. Hey baby

45 wanna party?


:rofl:

:eyes:

:cry:


:hi:

[NewWaveChick1981]

135. You mean birthday party?

:hi: :shrug:

:rofl: :hi: :P

[Wetzelbill]

136. I'm kind of curious what kind of cake would be at this so-called

"birthday" party. :)

[NewWaveChick1981]

145. Well, whatever kind of cake it is, I'm sure it'd be

tasty. ;) :D

[SPKrazy]

137. what else would i mean?

:shrug:



:rofl:

[NewWaveChick1981]

146. I dunno....

:hi: :shrug:

Housewarming party or something? :rofl: :hi:

[SPKrazy]

147. Yeah, that's it

come to my "housewarming" party with me :evilgrin:

hey wanna relocate to Maine and save my life?

just take a bottle of Scotch to Bangor Maine and Crimmie will fill you in on how you can save me :D

[Wetzelbill]

131. I am the son of a Montana Turd Miner

:)

[Wetzelbill]

138. in the Middle East: I'll take you to the Golan Heights if you do the Gaza Strip..

Thank you Magic Rat! :)

[Wetzelbill]

139. Hey Little Red Riding Hood, I'm the big bad wolf...

[Dora]

140. "You look like you've got some Indian in you..."

"No? You don't? Do you want one?"

[MAGICBULLET]

141. my favorite...

a game of spin the pickle??

[Wetzelbill]

142. Hey baby... I got nothing

At this point, I've even stopped paying attention to myself.

[Brewman_Jax]

143. I'm here! What were your other 2 wishes?

:rofl:

:P

[Wetzelbill]

144. You wouldn't even know what to do with a piece of prime rib like myself

[Wetzelbill]

148. I'm shy but I got a big...

...