So, my father has prostate cancer.

[Pale Blue Dot]

It's a small, localized growth, and they seem to have caught it early. Most likely, he'll be fine.

What's bothering me most about this is that I feel nothing. Not fear, anger or compassion; nothing. My father's not a bad person, but we have never been particularly close. He was never physically abusive, although he seems to view me as a major screw-up. In truth, I'm a screw-up of the more minor variety: I've gotten divorced, made some poor money decisions years ago, and I've never lived up to his expectations.

My biggest problem with him is that he has this peculiar combination of charm coupled with a total lack of empathy. If you met him, you would think he's a great guy: funny, friendly, charming. You would never guess that he's incapable of accepting his oldest son for who I am, not who he wanted me to be.

I've spent the past several years getting my life together. My ex-wife was very much like my father, and I needed to get away from that. I married a beautiful, compassionate woman who, for what feels like the first time, loves me for who I am, flaws and all. Recently, I've made the decision to reverse a couple of decades of bad career choices, and I'm going to become a teacher. My dad's reaction? Well, he always thought that I should have gotten a business degree.

My father doesn't understand me. I don't even think it's malicious on his part - he can't understand me. But because he can't ever understand me, he can't ever really love me. And if he can't ever really love me, I can't ever really love him.

Still, I was shocked tonight to get this news and feel nothing. That's the worst feeling of all.

Anyone else been through anything like this?

[MonkeyFunk]

1. I'm really sorry to hear that Finn...

but as you said, the good news is he'll probably be just fine. Caught early, it's very treatable.

[ThomCat]

2. I'm sorry about all of that.

I hope they caught it in time to help your father.

And I'm sorry that you have that kind of relationship with your father. I do too. :(

[Pale Blue Dot]

3. Sucks, doesn't it?

:(

Thanks. :thumbsup:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. My dear Finnfan...

I am sorry that your relationship with your father is like this...

But I must say this:

The fact that you never came up to his expectations is his problem, not yours...

Children do not come into this world to meet their parents' expectations!

You were not, and are not, his possession...

You sound to me like the kind of son I would have been proud to have had, if I'd had a son...

Regarding his illness: Most prostate cancers are very slow-growing; the man normally dies from something else...

:hug: