Would You Be Offended?

[querelle]

If you saw two guys kissing in public? Here's why I ask:

I met my latest squeeze downtown this evening for dinner. When we greeted one another, we kissed. Not a long passionate tongue kiss, but just a short peck on the lips. I couldn't believe the dirty looks we got from people. This is Canada! Land of tolerance! I really don't give a fuck what other people think, but he did. He asked me to never do that again and I won't out of respect to his wishes. But it's so fucking unfair! If the object of my affections were a woman, there would be no problem. Why are people so hung up about this sort of thing? It really pisses me off........

Q

[LynzM]

1. Dude, that really sucks.

And what a tough water to negotiate in a relationship, what each party is comfortable with in public. I'm sorry. Nobody should feel the need to hide their affection that way. :hug:

[Danger Mouse]

2. Well, I don't like to see PDAs from anyone, man/woman, man/man, woman/woman, whatever.

I just am kind of uncomfortable with it in general.
I'm really big on intimacy, so public shows of it kind of weird me out. It's hard to explain.
But you definitely should not feel uncomfortable doing it.

[Deja Q]

4. Same here; 100%, regardless of orientation...

(the couple I mentioned were heterosexual.)

[querelle]

5. It Wasn't Really A PDA

Just a quick kiss on the lips. I see it everyday when spouses drop each other off for work. No big deal, but for me it is.

Q

[XemaSab]

11. There's PDA, and there's *PDA*...

Seeing two people kissing is one thing, but seeing two people eating each other in public is another.

I figure people are gonna kiss and getting spazzed about it is a waste of energy, but seeing people necking in public makes me uncomfortable.

[realisticphish]

45. ^^^what she said

[Starbucks Anarchist]

3. Not at all.

Sorry that happened to you, querelle.

[querelle]

26. Shit Happens

Even in one of the most progressive countries on our planet. We all have alot to learn.

Q

[Nicole]

6. No, I wouldn't be offended.

Sorry that you were the object of dirty looks.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. My dear querelle...

No, I would not be offended...

I'd be curious, though.......

I think you have every right to kiss your guy in public!

And some people just need to get a life...

The day will come when two men can kiss in public, and nobody will mind...

I hope, for all our sakes, that it will be soon...:hug:

[querelle]

9. Thank You Peggy!

As always, you are an anchor in this sea of insanity.

XOXOXO

Q

[Bassic]

8. I don't think it's offensive at all

But there is a surprising number of anal retentive fucks around Ottawa who _would_ be offended by that.

Get's me boiling every time. :argh:

[fizzgig]

10. that's gotta a tough place to be in

that type of affection doesn't bother me, whoever is doing it.

i'm sorry this happened to you

[SPKrazy]

12. Nope

I'd be go baby, go baby go baby

now I would have to explain to my almost 7 year old about it if he asked, but he might not even think much of it.

I'd explain that love is something that two people have for each other. Sometimes it is a man and woman and sometimes it's two men, and sometimes it's two women, and I'd leave it there prolly.

But personally now way is it a problem.

You go! :woohoo:

if it makes him uncomfortable then it's up to you what you do, but respecting his wishes is prolly the only way he will continue to be with you.

not living in the land of tolerance, it would be a more unusual situation here in Arkansas.

:pals:

hang in there friend!

[querelle]

19. Merci!

Mon ami.

Q

[XemaSab]

13. Nope

On edit: There are things you don't see every day, like same-sex or interracial couples kissing, but I figure if that makes someone uncomfortable, that's the problem of the person who is made uncomfortable, not the problem of the couple.

[Oeditpus Rex]

14. Seen it

Blinked, thought "Cool," went about my business.

Of course, that was in San Francisco, where such things are no big deal.

I don't particularly want to see anybody playing tonsil hockey in public. But, a buss? What's the big deal? :shrug:

The offense suffered by the narrow-minded is not your responsibility.

[EFerrari]

15. What is the matter with people.

It pisses me off, too.

[stuntcat]

29. exactly, what IS the matter with them

A nice kiss hello is just NICE.. A FYCKING KISS, HELLO.
If you'd done it in my neighborhood of Arlington you'd have been beaten up. I've decided the world's gone to Hell.

[EFerrari]

34. I don't think I could live anywhere but San Francisco any more.

There are plenty of idiots here,too, but at least I can count on a consistent level of respect.

I wish Gavin would just keep marrying people at City Hall. Someone needs to effen' step up to the plate. Who is it going to be?

:mad:

[WindRavenX]

16. if someone is offended by you kissing your SO, they are homophobic

NT

[bullwinkle428]

17. I wouldn't be offended in the least...

...it's a shame so many people are living in the fucking dark ages. :grr:

[redwitch]

20. I agree.

An affectionate kiss, handholding, I think it is sweet to see people happy to be with each other.

[Shell Beau]

18. Never! I do get a little weirded out when anyone is full fledged making

out in public. But a little kiss is so sweet for any couple! But I understand your friend feeling weird. It never feels good to have people look at you like you are a freak even when it is their issue!

[BarenakedLady]

21. Not offensive in the slightest (n/t)

[S n o w b a l l]

22. The answer is hell no!!

Peck or tongue...it's fine. And although my avatar is a pink triangle, i'm pretty much a straight woman living in a straight world.

[VenusRising]

23. Absolutely not.

Expression of love between people is few and far between anymore. Everyone is always hooked up to their technical devices to avoid human contact.

I apologize for those people being assholes because they never will. They have no right to intrude on your life.

Smooch where you want.
:hug:

[Left Is Write]

24. No, I would not.

[SeattleGirl]

25. Nope. I think it's sad that so many people are so homophobic.

I do confess being uncomfortable with seeing a couple, regardless of whether they are opposite sex or same sex, being too intimate in public; there's a time and place for that. But what you describe? Hell, no. I'm sorry that you and your partner were treated that way. :hug:

[querelle]

30. It Was Just A Kiss

Nothing more, nothing less. Just a simple kiss on the lips. No tongue, no passion, just a simple kiss.

Q

[SeattleGirl]

33. I hope you didn't misread my post.

I wasn't implying that you two were being too intimate; I didn't get that at all from what you said. I just meant that when people DO get too intimate, I feel uncomfortable.

Sorry if it didn't come out that way. :hi:

[querelle]

35. No. I Didn't Misread Your Post

I knew what you meant. BTW, you are one of my fave DU'rs. I'm not here often, but when I am, I always love your (very opinionated!) posts. You are gold.

Q

[SeattleGirl]

37. Well, thank you!

:hi:

[SPKrazy]

49. See, it could have been so much more

but it wasn't

and people freaked about it like silly scared idiots

:hug:

[QMPMom]

27. Heck no, I wouldn't be offended.

A lot of people here in Edmonton *would* be, but the people in our house and my circle of friends wouldn't be.

[GenDem]

28. Wouldn't offend or bother me in the least

In fact, a little affection in this hateful world is what we all should see more of.

[Cabcere]

31. I wouldn't be offended

but I agree, the double standards are ridiculous. :( One year my high school had a Valentine's Day dance, and one of my friends brought a gay friend of hers who had already graduated, and one of our other friends brought his boyfriend as her "date," because we'd heard a lot about him and wanted to meet him. He was cool and we all got along well with both of them, and it was a lot of fun. After a while, though, the two guys decided to slow dance together...it was completely tasteful, in fact more so than 99% of the straight couples there, but the principal asked them to leave. They were kicked out of the dance simply because they were two guys dancing together. :grr: If they had been any other kind of couple, it would've been fine - I saw girls at that same dance grinding all up on each other in completely obscene ways, and yet they weren't kicked out or even reprimanded for their behavior. :( It really is unfair, and I'm sorry you two had to deal with that kind of rubbish. :hug: Maybe one of these days people will pull their heads out of their asses and stop acting like such pricks (hey, we can dream, right?). :hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

32. nope, my gf and i make out all the time.

sorry you had to deal with that

[reyd reid reed]

36. Wouldn't bother me in the least...

I mean...what's the big deal?

:shrug:

[grannylib]

38. If it's brief, I don't mind at all. I don't like drawn-out kisses in public from anyone

gay or straight -
But holding hands, a hug, a brief kiss, between consenting adults, all that's cool with me.

(And a longer kiss is OK when it's a major goodbye for weeks or something...you kind of expect that at airports and bus depots and train stations. And no, it's not offensive to me if it's between two people of the same gender any more than if it were between male/female.)

It pisses me off too. I am sorry you had to experience that.:hug:

[Cabcere]

39. I feel the same way, grannylib.

Also, your sig line = awesome. :thumbsup: :)

[grannylib]

64. Thanks very much! I rather like it! *lol*

:-)

[SarahB]

40. No. Kissing is hot. Period. nt

[u4ic]

41. Absolutely not, querelle

I'm not uncomfortable with public displays of affection. With so much anger and intolerance in the world, I find such affection quite charming. :hi:

[Heidi]

42. Good grief, NO, I wouldn't be offended.

There's so little love and so much meanness in the world, it would kind of make me feel hopeful. :hi:

[Dervill Crow]

43. No. I would be startled, but then I would think, "Wow. Cool."

I'm a little uncomfortable with stuff like that, but that's because it doesn't happen enough. The world would be a much better place if we all hugged and kissed more than we do.

[Kali]

44. Hell no - what is the offense?

Now given I live in rural red america, I might be a bit shocked that someone wasn't too intimidated to do so. I think it will be a long time before that can happen around here. Unfortunately. Nearest big city has tolerant places, however and I would fully expect it and doubt anybody there would be offended or even notice.

[realisticphish]

46. If it was a peck like you say

then I don't get the big reaction. Mine would have been a double take, but I would have thought "huh" then gone back to what I was doing. Don't get the big deal :shrug:

[Nevernose]

47. Offended? No. Grossed out? Yes.

To be perfectly honest, I'm still weirded out by two men kissing. I just look away, pretend they don't exist, and then look back when they're done making out. To be fair, I feel a little awkward when hetero couples are making out, too, but not nearly as much. I try and feel differently, and I've taught my child from a young age to accept people who aren't what she perceives as the norm.

I know I ACT differently. I go to a Unitarian/Universalist church. I've helped friends involved in gay pride events. Where a candidate stands on gay rights is very important to me.

I've had gay friends -- CLOSE friends -- die of AIDS. People I shared meals with, went to their house, let them babysit my only child. And yet, when I was spending time with them, a quick kiss on the cheek would earn at least a fake, noncomittal look on my face.

I think I've just been programmed since an early age. My grandmother, god rest her soul, did not have a racist bone in her body, and yet, forty years after Brown, she still referred to black people as "negroes" and expecting them all to universally be employed as servants. When a black person was put in charge of her account at the bank, she didn't object, she just kind of went into cognitive disconnect and pretended that the lady was white.

Her grandson (me) ended up okay, though, and that's where I suspect gay rights will be in a couple of more generations.

We'll get to equality, though, eventually. If an ignorant, inbred, good-old-boy from the South like me can acknowledge the need for a change in paradigm, then so can everyone else

[SPKrazy]

50. I'm an ignorant good old boy from the south

and i wouldn't be offended or grossed out by this anymore than i'd be grossed out by a hetero couple kissing

but, i understand being from the south as i am, that it is not something you see as much as you might elsewhere.

[mduffy31]

48. I would....

....but that is just because I would be jealous because my wife and I are separated and I don't get to kiss anyone in private let alone public...of course I am just kidding. I really don't give a shit what ANYONE does as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.

[murielm99]

51. The first time I saw two guys kissing,

I was startled. I had to be careful not to stare.

Then, I smiled. I was glad that they were comfortable enough together to kiss in public.

If they were getting any dirty looks, I was not aware of it. I think I would have been pissed off, too.

[wildhorses]

52. no, i would not be offended

jealous but, not offended

:hi:

[Norwood]

53. Wouldnt bother me in the least

[YankeyMCC]

54. Not a short peck on the lips not at all

I don't like it when any couple over does it but what you describe is perfectly naturally and just a warm human greeting and a rather silly thing to be offended by.

[Deja Q]

55. Was your post in response to mine?

I'm a bit thick these days; I wish I had put more details in my OP about how long they were tastin' tongue, and the fact that they were a heterosexual couple. I'm sorry if I had offended you.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=6418359&mesg_id=6418359

[YellowRubberDuckie]

56. I rarely get offended.

I would have thought it was sweet. Sounds like he needs to get over his problem about caring what other people think.
Duckie

[Guava Jelly]

57. 20 years ago it would have made me uncomfortable

But I have matured.
I honestly don't like seeing anybody over do it in public no matter if they are straight or gay.
I'm like "get a room"
A simple 1-3 second smooch doesn't bother me at all

[Maestro]

58. Actually

I get more offended when I see heteros getting down in public. There is a reason for the expression, "Get a room!" Really, when it comes down to it, overtly sexual touching/kissing in public makes me uncomfortable and it has been my experience that the GLBT community is much more discreet about it so my main beef comes from the raging hormones of heteros.

[achtung_circus]

59. I'm with Bassic on this one.

It's Ottawa, people are BORN wearing suits in Ottawa.

Come to TO.

[MedleyMisty]

60. No

Honestly I would think it was cute. Is that bad?

[Mad_Dem_X]

61. No, I would not be offended

I think it sucks that some straight people can practically have intercourse on a public street and no one blinks an eye, but a same-sex couple can't share a simple kiss.

I'm straight, BTW.

[bridgit]

62. not in the circles i travel in...

[mzteris]

63. Yes.

"He asked me to never do that again"

Sounds like he has some issues he needs to work out.

:hug:

[Redstone]

65. Same as with a heterosexual couple. A peck, fine. Eating each other's face? Not proper

in public.

Redstone

[Critters2]

66. No, I wouldn't be offended. Probably wouldn't even notice. nt

[treestar]

67. No

When Melissa Etheridge kissed her wife upon winning the Emmy, I could just imagine the freeper heads exploding - if they weren't already boycotting that "liberal" event.