What is Your Favorite Mitch Hedberg Bit?

[bertha katzenengel]

Mine is this - paraphrased:

I took the top off a Yoplait and under the lid it said "try again."

I didn't know they were having a contest.

I thought they were saying to me, "don't give up, Mitch."

A message of caring from your friends at Yoplait.

Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

~~~

Yours?

[jpgray]

1. An escalator is never broken. It can only become stairs.

Nothing flammable with legs is blocking a fire exit.

[bertha katzenengel]

2. your second is the fave of a good friend

:rofl:

[asthmaticeog]

3. I have no problem not listening to the Temptations, which is weird.

[Bunny]

4. The donut one:

“I bought a donut and they gave me a receipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for a donut – I'll just give you the money and you give me the donut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario in which I would need to prove that I bought a donut. Some skeptical friend...'Don't even act like I didn't buy a donut; I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait – it's back home in the file... under 'D'...for donut.'”

[Initech]

5. "I wont tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but I will tell you that there are two tress involved!"

[Guava Jelly]

6. I cant pick one..I love all his stuff

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNfIih_4PIU
Mitch

[bertha katzenengel]

7. Anyone else?

:kick:

[Broken_Hero]

8. his smokey the bear/smacky the frog

bit, and the donut receipt bit....:D

[Mad_Dem_X]

9. "When I was little, I slept in a twin bed...

I would lay awake at night, wondering where my brother was."

[Broken_Hero]

10. ........

:spray:

[Mad_Dem_X]

11. I think this is one of his, too:

"I tried to go into a Target (store) once, but I missed."

[Starbucks Anarchist]

12. "I haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long."

[dolo amber]

13. "You know when you go to concerts

and the kids get on stage and they jump into the crowd, stage diving? People think that's dangerous, but not me. Because humans are made out of 95% water! So the audience is 5 percent away from a pool."

:D

[zonkers]

14. Wow, I didn't even know he died. I loved that guy. I guess Mike Bribiglia is all I got now.

[Orsino]

15. I think Pringles started out to make tennis balls.

Then a truck showed up carrying potatoes instead of rubber, but the Pringles people are so laid-back they said, "Fuck it. Cut 'em up!"

Or something like that.

[MonkeyFunk]

16. sadly

I'd heard for a long time about how great he was, and when I finally saw him, he was about the worst comic I'd ever seen. He was so wasted he could barely get the words out.

Seemed to have no scripted act - just stupid rambling.

[Forkboy]

17. "...if you see me with nine apples fuckin' bag 'em up!"

Hedberg gone.
Hicks gone.
I'm afraid to admit how much I like Eddie Izzard. :scared:

[NightWatcher]

18. I like strawberries on my waffles

so that I can have something to brush off

-or-

I saw a sign that said guess how many jellybeans are in this jar and win a prize.
Ah man can't I just have some.
If I said guess how many I want and you said a handful, you'd be correct.

-or-

An escalator can never be broken it can only become stairs. Sorry for the convenience.