What's your favourite cornpone saying?

[Lautremont]

Mine: "Put out the catch-barrel, mama, 'cause Junior's gone a-streakin'!"

[Flying Dream Blues]

1. She don't know whether she's washin' or hangin' out.... nt

[Aristus]

2. "He was happy as a dead hog in the sunshine."

I don't really know just how happy that is, but okay... :eyes:

[Kali]

3. Ya can't stomp a snake with both feet in the bucket.

:rofl:

I think it was from an old Galager routine.

[SecularMotion]

4. The hole was so big, you could throw a cat through it n/t

[bridgit]

5. he/she's about as dumb as a bag'ah wet mice...

[trof]

6. "He dropped him like overalls at quittin' time."

Decked.

[NC_Nurse]

7. "'Scuse mah boardin' house reach."

And the other lack of table manners saying:

"I'm waitin' for you like one dog waits fer another."

[Xipe Totec]

8. Haven't seen you in a month of Sundays!

[hippywife]

9. Wouldn't say shit

if he had a mouthful of it.

Actually it's one of the strangest I think I've ever heard.

[Nicole]

10. Bless your heart

:evilgrin:

[Redstone]

11. "Well, fuck me blind, and call me sweetheart!"

Redstone

[Red State Rebel]

12. Grinnin like a possum eatin shit on a flat rock :)

[wildhorses]

33. grinnin' like a mule eatin' briars

:)

[Nicole]

13. He's as useless as tits on a boar

:rofl:

[SPKrazy]

19. A Boar?

I always thought it was "board", but now I am laughing at myself for having thought that, but then again, they are both pretty funny if you think about it :silly:

:rofl:

[Nicole]

20. A board?

Male hogs have no need for tits.

Although a board doesn't either. :rofl:

[SPKrazy]

22. I Realize that

somehow I associated it with a "carpenter's dream" :wtf:

okay, I've never given it much thought and I'm obviously pretty silly :silly:

:rofl:

[doc03]

84. Slick as snot on a door knob

Don't buy a pig in a poke.
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Like bull in a china shop.
A few bricks short of a load.
I remember this one from my Army drill instructor Sargent Aquindi "Your ass is grass and I am the lawn mower" spoken in a Mexican accent.

[Redstone]

14. "Slicker than deer guts on a doorknob," or maybe

"Dumber than a sack of hammers," or even "Hey, you look like you been sackin' wildcats, and you ran out of sacks."

Redstone

[kedrys]

15. Gorsch...!

That's a toughie! :P

On edit: I'd have to go with "lookin' rode hard and put up wet".

[wildhorses]

16. dumber than dirt clods

[wildhorses]

18. well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit

[Left Is Write]

29. That one's my fave - I was just about to post it!

:hi:

[wildhorses]

31. girl, i got a million of 'em

but, i didn't want to totally hijack this thread :rofl:

:hi:

[begin_within]

17. "Jam Up and Jelly Tight"

thanks to Tommy Roe.

[Generic Brad]

21. "Whatever floats your boat"

I know it's not humorous in the least but the first time I heard it I laughed my ass off. I guess it's all in the folksy delivery.

[Xipe Totec]

74. "Whatever melts your butter"

:rofl:

[hellbound-liberal]

23. Purrin' like a cat full of cream! or

"He sawed some tall timbers last night but he's got some stumps to pull this morning!" Both of these from the Beverly Hillbillies obviously.

Here's one from Granny:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW5Cou3SZKc

[GOPisEvil]

24. It's rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock.

:D

[wildhorses]

32. its rainin' like pourin' piss out of a bucket

so many variations of the same themes...

[Wapsie B]

25. Well that's as worthless as nuts on a Priest.

[Qanisqineq]

26. LOL -- I had to look the word up

cornpone, I swear I've heard it once or twice before but had no clue what it meant. Not a clue.

If anyone else is as uninformed as me, here it is: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/cornpone

corn·pone or corn pone (kôrn pn)
n. Chiefly Southern & Midland U.S.
See johnnycake. See Regional Notes at johnnycake, light bread, pone.
adj. Informal
Folksy and homespun, as in manner or speech: a penchant for cornpone humor; cornpone political prose.

Noun 1.cornpone - cornbread often made without milk or eggs and baked or fried (Southern)
pone
cornbread - bread made primarily of cornmeal

[Glorfindel]

27. "Take it slow and steady, like a cat eating a grindstone"

"Heave and set, like a ram at a gatepost"
"Nervous as a whore in church"
"That dog's so lazy, he'd chase a rabbit all day in the shade of the same tree"

[nuxvomica]

28. Said to the miserable: "What crawled up you and died?"

My Maw always used to say that. Very evocative, I think.

[wildhorses]

35. or,' who pissed in your cornflakes?'

[peekaloo]

30. Sass me again and I'll snatch you bald-headed.

[wildhorses]

34. i'm a gonna whoop you like a red-headed step child

:spank:

[Oeditpus Rex]

39. Ahem...

http://www.redheaded-stepchild.com/

[wildhorses]

50. bwahahaha

notice the pic on the right hand side of the merchandise store??? thanks for the link:hi:

[Oeditpus Rex]

55. You can download that as wallpaper

Did you give 'em a listen? Kathryn Koch reminds me a bit of Janis Joplin — powerful, soulful vocals. Looks a lot like her, too.

I love "Ten Cent Dress."

[Redstone]

56. The variation I know is "Beat you like a rented mule."

Redstone

[unsavedtrash]

36. "I'm gonna slap you bald bodied" n/t

[GoddessOfGuinness]

37. My cornpone doesn't talk...

I guess it's because that's all we've got fer terlit paper.

[Va Lefty]

38. "You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit"

[Maddy McCall]

45. Can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear, either.

:D

[Maddy McCall]

40. "Ridin' a gravy train with biscuit wheels."

That's how good he's got it.

[Maddy McCall]

41. "He'll take up with any hound that'll hunt."

Meaning, "He's a horndog."

[Manifestor_of_Light]

42. "So dumb he couldn't find his ass with both hands and a Ouija board!"

Thanks Mom, a good ol' east Texas gal.

"Some things are like makin' love to a widow; you can't overdo it." -- said by Dad the yankee.

"Dumb as a Dallas banker" and "Dumb as a box of rocks". Both said by Molly Ivins.

"Go piss up a rope." didn't hear that one as a child; I was very sheltered.


"Most excitement we ever had since the hogs et mah little brother." -- heard second-hand from an Okie.


:rofl:

[ThomCat]

60. The version I always heard was

Couldn't find his own ass with both hands and a map. :)

[Arkansas Granny]

78. And the version I heard was:

Couldn't find his ass with his hands in his back pockets.

[merh]

43. He/she is as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers

Or

She is as nervous as a whore in church

or

It's raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock.

[Maddy McCall]

44. "He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow."

[AzDar]

46. " She/he's ugly enough to make a train take a dirt road".

Or..."I'm so hungry I could eat the ass out of a rag doll".

(Mom's from Kentucky, Dad's from Tennessee).

[underpants]

58. "She ain't pretty...

but she's got big tits"

My buddies and I say that about golf shots that get lucky bounces off trees and carpaths and bunkerrakes and the beer girl

[AzDar]

71. Shameful...(I love it) n/t

[cemaphonic]

47. Hotter than the hubs of Hell.

Now we're cooking with duck butter.

I'd be proud and just a little bit humble. (to do something requested)

[MnFats]

48. "You ain't just a-hog fartin!"

meaning something akin to 'no lie" or 'heard dat.'

[QMPMom]

49. "If he had a brain he'd take it out and play with it." n/t

[wildhorses]

51. hotter than a two dollar pistol

[kwassa]

52. Couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

[sinkingfeeling]

53. "He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer."

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

64. I merged all those sayings about stupidity into one:

He ain't the brightest knife in the sea.

[JoDog]

54. She/he can talk the sparkles off a bass boat

[pdx_prog]

57. She's so skinny

you couldn't hit her with a handful of corn...

[underpants]

59. "Got a hitch in mah gitty-up"

[SteppingRazor]

61. It's colder'n a witch's tit in a brass bra. Or it's colder'n a well-digger's ass in January n/t

[SteppingRazor]

66. By the way, here's a list of cornpone-ish sayings from election night 2004...

as spoken by the ultimate purveyor of such witticisms, Dan Rather:

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blratherisms.htm

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

62. ...

He could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves.

[Z_I_Peevey]

63. He don't know come from sic 'em.

Full as a tick.

Happy as a pig in slop.

[CTyankee]

65. Well, shut my mouth wide open!

Said in amazement of something.

Bit of East Texas. I remember my father and uncles saying it.

[CTyankee]

67. "Kiss my grits, Mel!"

I know it's from that TV show. Was it called "Alice"?

[bikebloke]

68. So buck-toothed they could eat an apple...

...through a picket fence.

[fudge stripe cookays]

69. "Louder'n a 3-peckered goat peeing on a flat rock!" n/t

[ruiner4u]

70. "its hotter then a half fucked female fox in a forest fire"

[Joe Fields]

72. Not worth a bucket of warm spit.

[Saphire]

73. colder than a well diggers butt.

[KatyMan]

75. Finer than frog hair

is one I always liked.

[cleveramerican]

76. Jethro is right handy for liftin' and totin'

[cleveramerican]

77. From Lyndon Johnson, via Doris Kearns Goodwin on the Daily Show

" Its better to have your enemies inside the tent pissing out than outside the tent pissing in"

Haven't had an opportunity to work it into a conversation yet, but I'm ready.

[Arkansas Granny]

79. He's as busy as a one-armed paper hanger with hives.

[ikojo]

80. A couple I hadn't heard until I moved to St Louis

I'm so broke I can't pay attention

I'll knock you into next week

[bertha katzenengel]

81. Katy, bar the door!

[boston bean]

82. "I'm so hungry I could eat the asshole out of a skunk"

[Maccagirl]

83. That dog don't hunt

and "You can put lipstick on a pig and call it Monique, but it's still a pig." Both crack me up every time.

[MedleyMisty]

85. "I got bus-left"

and "touch you with a rubber cookie"

rural northwestern North Carolina in the 80s and early 90s

[achtung_circus]

86. Hornier than a 3 ball tomcat,

not worth a pinch of coon shit in the Bay of Fundy,

Lazier that a pet coon,

Could talk the hind leg off a blind mule.
I have no idea how that last one means anything, but wherever you go, there you are.

About a very slightly lame horse, "that mare's got a hitch in her giddalong".

[MichiganVote]

87. enuf' to gag a maggot off the back of a gut wagon

[SarahB]

88. Git R Done

Don't ask.