A visit to IKEA: a personal oddysey - Democratic Underground

eyepaddle

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Mon Apr-02-07 09:58 AM
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A visit to IKEA: a personal oddysey

Edited on Mon Apr-02-07 10:03 AM by eyepaddle

My oh my, how I've changed as the years roll on; it makes me wonder what else may be in store for me.

Also, WTF is it with Swedes and funky cool furniture and furniture related marketing concepts? How does one country become so identified with one such market niche? What's next--an Estonian revolution in roofing styles? As an observation passed along without judgement: IKEA certainly seems to attract a very large sampling of the females of the human species.

A bit of personal history: Once upon a time (fifteen or so year ago in college) my roommates and I had our power shut off, it was shut for close to three months--primarily because we lived like animals and preferred to blow our meager money on alcohol and pot than on mundane necessities such as utilities. We also preferred to spend our time laying around baked or maybe over at a girlfriend's place than cleaning our own apartment. Tragically this included cleaning out the freezer when the power got shut off, to make matters worse the only thing left in the freezer was a whole cut-up chicken. After being too lazy to throw that out for a few days, we became scared of the stink we were sure was building and just pulled more tubes and thought about other matters. After a couple of weeks (yes, I said weeks) we opened the freezer and the smell was...impressive, to say the least; but what was really scary was the mottled, almost pulsating mass of mold which had enveloped the chicken package. Definitely something worthy a B horror movie.

After taking a day or two to make plans for our attack we mixed up a gallon or so of very, very strong bleach solution and fired it into the freezer and closed the door to let it work its chemical magic. The next day the evil being was vanquished and I REACHED IN AND PLUCKED OUT THE CHICKEN BY HAND and sprinted to the garbage outside. Even with windows wide open in the chilly Minnesota fall it took a few days for the stench to leave the odd corners of the apartment.

Believe it or not, I again live with that roommate: I think my bachelor barbarian semi-nomad cred is quite secure. A recent girlfriend refers to my current house as "The Biohazard."

But all this ends today, and tomorrow. I am moving into my own modern style one bedroom apartment tonight (and over the next couple of days) so I need some furniture--hence the trip to IKEA. If you are still reading this post, I bet you get my point--I don't have a lick of design sense in me, and up to this point in my life I have had no truck with those who do. But something seems to be stirring inside me, a desire--a desire to be comfortable in my abode--even if egad, it requires forethought in buying furniture and god forbid, regular vacuuming. (I'm good about washing the dishes already--that was probably the first step im ny metamorphosis from pig to human)

So there I was at IKEA yesterday, bewildered by the experience, more than a little amused by all the conventional happy couples ignoring the one large, single guy in their midst, thinking for the first time, maybe ever, "you know, that IS a nice living room set! I think that lamp will owrk well with those tables and it will match my current couch...."

Dear God, what have I become?