Anyone care to give some dating advice?

[S n o w b a l l]

What would you do?

I have a Parisian friend that I've been talking to online for almost 3 yrs. He decided he wanted to come see me last summer and bought his ticket and we made plans for his visit. As the time grew closer, he started growing a little distant and after pulling teeth for him to talk about it, I found out it was because he was still in love with his girlfriend here (he had told me about her) and was getting anxious about coming back into the states. So, I told him to forget it...I wasn't going to try to entertain someone with someone else on their mind and be miserable for a week with someone.

Anyway, he still im's me almost everyday and I pretty much ignore him most of the time.Only because I'm in a weird place and I've ignored pretty much everyone. He's invited me to Paris and offered again to come here. I don't know why I'm ignoring him really. We've spent hours together on the phone and im's. But,I'm just afraid. I don't think I'd like to travel to Paris on such uncertainty. What if we don't like each other? And I wouldn't want him spending a week here if we didn't get along.

So, what would you do, ladies.... or men if you care to answer.

He's almost irresistible...especially when I listen to music he sends me....he's such a charmer. He's great fantasy if nothing else. But, he is more than that at this point. What should I do? I need to stop being cruel to him but I don't know if I should say go away or come closer.

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

Oh, here are some french songs for your listening pleasure :) He slays me with the damn music.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=KHUBJh0SV18

http://youtube.com/watch?v=R76URfXE_ck

http://youtube.com/watch?v=NbeBNvLvSFk

[Orrex]

1. Keep him as a friend, but nothing more

You seem already to have come to this conclusion without actually putting the word to it. If he's still so hung up on his ex that he can't bear to be in the same country with her, then you'd better write off any hope of a serious real-world relationship with him.

Keep it virtual, where the worst that can happen is you might wind up on a spam-list. If you put yourself on the chopping block for someone who you don't really know after three years, then you're going to get chopped.

What if we don't like each other?

If you're asking this after three years, then the answer is "you probably wouldn't."

And, no matter how charming he is,

DO NOT GO TO PARIS FOR HIM!

Tell him that you once dated someone in Warsaw, and you can't bear to be that close to Poland.


Sorry to seem cynical, but I can't imagine how it could possibly work out.

I suspect also that you could find someone more local (say, on the same continent, at least), and you're probably better off in trying to do so.

[S n o w b a l l]

3. Awesome reply...

THANK YOU! I need to hear these things. His thing is now he's over her...and he wants me to come see him in Paris. He says he will pay for my hotel.. anything. It's very confusing to me.

But, I'm with you...I don't plan on it.

[SPKrazy]

2. Forget Him

there's always moi!

;)

[S n o w b a l l]

4. awww...kisss, kisss, kissssssss

You're right!! Why would I want him when there's you?? :)

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

5. Damned Straight!

well, I mean, yeah!

:hug:

there's me :P


:loveya:

[S n o w b a l l]

8. ...

:loveya: :loveya: :hug: :hug:

[mykpart]

6. Maybe someday you'll have another reason to visit Paris.

And you can look him up while you're there. But don't make a special trip just for him.

[S n o w b a l l]

7. ok..that's sort of the response i was looking for

but I also wonder why I shouldn't visit a friend if he asks for me to come...

[S n o w b a l l]

9. thanks mykpart...

never mind the last comment :) Thanks for your input. :)

[crispini]

10. Wow, long distance is tough.

Here's the thing... if you can combine a trip to Paris with a friend, perhaps, then I would say to go. But if you go just for him, and you have an awful time, it'll be a big buzzkill. I would see if you could try to go, but it's too much pressure to make a trip just for that person and then go and find out you hate them. :P And believe you me, people in person can be completely different from how they are online, as a veteran of the online dating scene, I can tell you that for sure!

[tcfrogs]

11. Love giving advice

You can not be with him other than a fling.