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Female type DUers - does being called Ma'am piss you off?

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eeyore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:02 PM
Original message
Female type DUers - does being called Ma'am piss you off?
Being a male type person I've had a tendency in the past to use Ma'am as a term of endearment. I use it in a kind of a jokey but nice way, generally in a "Thank you Ma'am" sort of way.

Today I had a twenty-something woman call myself and a friend "gentlemen", and we both told her that if she can call us gentlemen (we're both 37) then we should be able to call her Ma'am. Man did that get her riled up! She declared that it's never okay to call a woman younger than 50 Ma'am.

I asked my wife and another friend about it, and they contend that Ma'am is much worse for a woman than anything that men are called.

So, apparently Ma'am is never, ever to be used, not even as a joke.

Do all women feel this way? How do you react when someone calls you Ma'am?

Thank you, Ma'am!
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datasuspect Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:04 PM
Response to Original message
1. as a staunch and steadfast support of womyn
the use of "ma'am" is an embarassing artifact of white male patriarchical oppression.

i am offended that you would even post such a hideous affront.




















/sarcasm
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BoneDaddy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 05:52 PM
Response to Reply #1
101. Hehe
I almost missed that /sarcasm at the end.
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Breeze54 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:04 PM
Response to Original message
2. When I was in my
twenties, having someone say, "Yes ma'am!" made me laugh.
That was what was intended. ;)
When I hit my forties, I wanted to kick the offenders ass!
:P
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Nikia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:09 PM
Response to Original message
3. I think that it is strange sometimes
Especially when people who are obviously older than me call me that.
They call me, ma'am at work. I don't know whether to be offended or honored.
A couple of the managers have also referred to my boss as "Your boy." My boss is over 20 years older than me and is white (so it isn't racial). He doesn't seem to command a lot of respect though.
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graywarrior Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:10 PM
Response to Original message
4. I hate the term. It's so impersonal.
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:12 PM
Response to Original message
5. Captain Janeway seemed to like it... she demanded it, in fact.
Wow. "Ma'am" is now the female equivalent to "n*****" or "f*****" in the eyes of some. :crazy: It used, I thought, as a term of respect for the female gender.

Is not "ma'am" also used as a term of addressing a senior female official? Or what if she preferred being called "sir"?

How much are we supposed to know about a person before taking a guess at what annoys them?

The day I, of all people, complain society is getting too thin-skinned...
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Breeze54 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:18 PM
Response to Reply #5
10. There are some that
DO use it as an insult!

Especially if you ask them not to, and they continue.

I guess it depends on the circumstances.
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One_Life_To_Give Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:03 AM
Response to Reply #5
68. Thats the Military way
Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am, Thank you Ma'am may I have another?

It is used as the equivalent of Sir, at least in my experience.

So don't be surprised if someone straight out of Bootcamp calls you Sir/Ma'am.
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AllegroRondo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:15 AM
Response to Reply #5
71. I thought Star Trek called all officers "Sir"?
at least, the STNG episodes I remember did.

:shrug:
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ProfessorGAC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:39 AM
Response to Reply #71
77. Per The STNG Background Manual. . .
. . .(yes, i'm a geek for STNG, so i have all the books), that is up to the senior officer. A woman can be called "sir" or "ma'am" depending upon what she wants. I would suppose in that enlightened world, a transgendered man could demand to be called "ma'am" if he so desired.

But, according to this book (written in part by Mike Okuda), that is the choice of the officer in question.

I told you i was a geek about this.

The Professor
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SusanaMontana41 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:15 PM
Response to Original message
6. No
Often at work I say "ma'am" when talking to a customer. If a clerk at a department store calls me "ma'am," I have no problem with that.

Snarky overuse of the term, though, annoys the crap out of me.
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SusanaMontana41 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:17 PM
Response to Reply #6
9. I guess that "no"
ought to be "sometimes."

:)
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Maine-ah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:16 PM
Response to Original message
7. not piss off really, but I don't like it (I'm 32)
I think it's more of a southern term though.
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Sanity Claws Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:17 PM
Response to Original message
8. As long as it's not preceded by Wham, Bam, Thank you,
I'm okay with it. Sure beats being called sir.
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Fleshdancer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:20 PM
Response to Original message
11. It doesn't bother me
To me, Ma'am is a sign of respect and the acknowledgement that I'm not a child.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:31 AM
Response to Reply #11
74. I feel exactly the same way.
If the tone and context show respect then the word itself is respectful.

Nearly any word can be disrespectful if spoken w/ the right tone and in a different context.
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carly denise pt deux Donating Member (855 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:20 PM
Response to Original message
12. I don't know what my stance is on this one......
Edited on Sun Mar-18-07 01:21 PM by carly denise pt deux
I grew up in the south, when I was young and someone said maam, I kinda looked at them funny, I live up north and now I am being called maam by teenage boys, which really makes me feel old.

My kid heard an elderly man call me "darling" one day and the kid couldn't believe he called me that. I told him that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it was just the way these men were raised I guess. These are the guys who stand and holds the door for women. I love these guys.
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amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:21 PM
Response to Original message
13. I never take offense. Some people are just trying to be polite,
and they don't want to call you "Miss".

Miss kinda sounds worse than Ma'am. Like you're being lecutred by a parent or something.
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Silver Swan Donating Member (805 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 12:11 PM
Response to Reply #13
86. That's what I was thinking
It's the Ma'am/Miss issue that makes ma'am objectionable.

This is entirely in the context of trying to get a stranger's attention about something. For example, "Miss, you dropped your umbrella." (Or "Sir, you dropped your umbrella," for guys.)

When a woman graduates from "miss" to "ma'am" it means she is OLD!

(I am so old now, that being called ma'am instead of miss is no longer an issue. In fact when I hear "miss," I figure they are talking to someone else, not me.
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Reverend_Smitty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:22 PM
Response to Original message
14. I'm in my 20's and the only time I've been called ma'am...
is when it is followed by "you're making a scene" or "if you don't leave the bar, I'm going to get the manager" :P really I've never been called that sober so I'm not really sure how I feel about the word :)
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HarukaTheTrophyWife Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:26 PM
Response to Original message
15. It weirds me out. I don't like it at all.
I'm 24, fwiw.
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BlackVelvet04 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 01:27 PM
Response to Original message
16. Doesn't bother me. n/t
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libodem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 02:24 PM
Response to Original message
17. Yes
bugs me and makes me feel *old*. Bleh
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Penndems Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 02:32 PM
Response to Original message
18. Nah - where I come from, it's good manners
Using "sir" and "ma'am" means you've been "raised right". :)
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unsavedtrash Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 03:03 PM
Response to Reply #18
23. I was raised like that too.
Edited on Sun Mar-18-07 03:04 PM by unsavedtrash
I have always called people sir or ma'am.
As far as I know it has never bothered anyone and I don't mind being called ma'am.
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Penndems Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 03:12 PM
Response to Reply #23
27. If I address another Southerner as "sir" or "ma'am", it's expected
I responded to a co-worker from New York State as "sir", and he asked me if I had been in the military, LOL.

Maybe he was the exception, and not the norm. :shrug:
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TheFriendlyAnarchist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 04:31 PM
Response to Reply #18
38. Same.
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haf216 Donating Member (911 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 02:38 PM
Response to Original message
19. I live in southern Louisiana,
and it is considered rude not to say ma'am. I grew up in Ohio so I was hard to get used to saying it when we first moved here, but now I say it all the time and used it to.
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bridgit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 02:46 PM
Response to Original message
20. doesn't bother me that much, though i was coming out of a store with bags...
the other day not far from my high school, and one kid said to another in a group of kids,

"Don't be a fool! Open the door for the lady." i thanked him after he held the door open and he did say,

"You're welcome, ma'am." sweet as mom's apple pie (well not my mother; you know what i mean), but then i thought to myself...

"Shit! I must be getting old." x( :rofl:
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AngryAmish Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 02:57 PM
Response to Original message
21. Gals I know who hate it because it makes them feel old
I hate to say it but from the point of view of someone who is 20, we are old (38).

We get old. THat is a fact of life. Respect from your juniors is a good thing. Get used to it and if you do not like it keep it to yourself.
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Nicole Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 03:01 PM
Response to Original message
22. It doesn't bother me at all.
Ma'am is used frequently around here.

I'd rather hear "yes ma'am" than "hey bitch" any day.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 03:05 PM
Response to Original message
24. My dear eeyore.....
I rather like it...

I know it's a term of respect, and that is always a good thing, IMHO...

:hi:
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suninvited Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 03:08 PM
Response to Original message
25. Ma'am doesnt bother me at all
I hate it when clerks at stores call me "honey", "sweety" or "darlin", but I let it go because I feel they just don't know any better.

As far as being called Ma'am, maybe it used to make me feel old, but at this point I have to accept the fact that I AM old. (Chronologically speaking)
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Left Is Write Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 03:08 PM
Response to Original message
26. No, it does not. It is not an insult, it is not rude. It's ridiculous to take you to task for it.
Never call a woman under 50 Ma'am? What are you supposed to do, ask for ID?

For the brazilianth time: "Ma'am" is not an indicator of age. Period.
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Guava Jelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 03:14 PM
Response to Reply #26
28. Well spoken Ma'am
:7
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hyphenate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 03:15 PM
Response to Original message
29. Funny you should ask...
Yesterday when we went out for a true St. Paddy's Day dinner, the waitress called me "Ma'am." It felt like a punch in the stomach. It's like being told outright that you're OLD. I didn't think I looked THAT bad for my age, but when someone calls you "Ma'am" it's not fun--or funny--at all.
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Left Is Write Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 03:33 PM
Response to Reply #29
30. I really have to ask - why do people think "ma'am" has anything to do with age?
It used to be that the difference between "ma'am" and "miss" was that one denoted a married woman and one denoted a single woman.

Ma'am does not equal OLD.

Frankly, if someone called me "miss" I would assume they were using false flattery (under the assumption that I'd think "ma'am" meant "old"), which would be irritating.
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electron_blue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:48 AM
Response to Reply #30
80. Because as a woman, you're called "Miss" until you reach a certain age
When younger men use the term around me, I get the impression they think I'm their mother's age or older and in this society being older is not a good label for women. So ma'am carries all the baggage of old age along with it.

I don't like that women have different labels and titles depending on how old they are, and their marital status. But men can get called "Mr" from a boy on up. I also don't like that my 5 yr old daughter already calls men "men" and women "girls". She's already picked up that women are treated as younger than men, not equals.

I'm trying to get used to the fact that my students will call me Ma'am, Mrs. or Miss way before they will call me Dr. or Professor. Sometimes it's a cultural thing, but mostly it's sexist and I'm not going to change it. My male colleageues get called either Dr. or Professor. Or sometimes by their first name. I rarely hear them called "Mr".
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Left Is Write Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 05:49 PM
Response to Reply #80
100. I'm a woman, age 40, and it just doesn't bother me.
I don't see it as an age thing, I see it as a polite form of address thing.

Besides, if a 20-year-old man called me "ma'am" because he thought I was his mother's age - well, I am old enough to be his mother, aren't I?

I don't know what level you teach (I'm assuming college), but if you want your students to address you as Dr. or Professor, tell them so.

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Kajsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 03:43 PM
Response to Original message
31. It doesn't bother me in the least.

1. I'm an "old fart" of 55.

2. I'm female.

3.It sure beats having a 20-something bank teller who doesn't know
me from Eve call me by my first name!

4. I may be 'old fashioned' when it comes to manners, but so be it.
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ScreamingMeemie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 03:49 PM
Response to Original message
32. It bothers me less than when someone calls me "Miss"...
while I'm struggling with groceries for a family of four and a whiny 8 year old. :hi:
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Jamastiene Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 03:59 PM
Response to Original message
33. It depends on the tone and the intent I sense the person means.
There are ways a person can call me ma'am that seems to be respectful. I have zero problem with that. But then, there are times when the person is being a condescending jerk in some way and keeps using the term "ma'am" to highlight some disgusting policy.

Example #1 (respectful)
"Please wait, ma'am, while I find comfortable seating arrangement for your dinner."

I got zero problem with that. Seems respectful and polite to me.

*******************************************************************************

Example #2: (fucking asshole is being condescending in this exmaple)
"Ma'am, we do not allow women to work our third shift night time jobs because in involves moving medium weight merchandise, ma'am, from loading docks to the shelves and women, ma'am, are unqualified for this position simply because, ma'am, they are women."

Condescending prick at a Wal-Mart job I was applying for back in 2000. True story. That fucking prick can still kiss my ass. If I can lift and carry my laundry to go wash it, I can sure damn well lift a box of panties and carry them to the stinky overly-perfumed women's department to load them on the shelves. Yes, I hold grudges when it comes to outright gender discrimination in the face of laws clearly laid out to outlaw gender discrimination. Yes, that fucking jerk can still kiss my ass.


I hope the difference between these two examples are clear enough that everyone can understand what I am saying. I see it. :shrug:
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Breeze54 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 04:12 PM
Response to Reply #33
36. I not only see it! I've felt it!
Right on! :woohoo:

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

:P
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Akoto Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 04:02 PM
Response to Original message
34. I'm not a female, but as a user of the term ...
I never mean any offense by it. ;)

I was raised to say sir and ma'am. It's intended to be polite/respectful, though.
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Raven Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 04:06 PM
Response to Original message
35. It's better than Granmaw, or you old bag...
I guess.:)
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TheFriendlyAnarchist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 04:31 PM
Response to Original message
37. To me it's just being polite. You say "Thank you, sir." and "Thank you, ma'am."
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oustemnow Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 04:31 PM
Response to Original message
39. "Ma'am" is an incredibly offensive term!
Unless you know the woman you're speaking to really well, stay on the safe side and address her as "Hey, babe" or "Listen, you crazy broad..."

Honestly, I don't understand the stink about the use of "Ma'am." The most honest response I've heard from those who are offended is that it makes them feel old.
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sammythecat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 05:19 PM
Response to Reply #39
47. I agree, and I'll use "Miss" right up to the point
where I think it would be clearly disrespectful not to use "Ma'am".

In general, if I spot a hatpin or large sparkly brooch, I say "Ma'am". Hands clasped in front of the waist with a small black pocketbook hanging from the wrist is another tipoff.
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NewWaveChick1981 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 04:33 PM
Response to Original message
40. I'm from the South and have lived here all my life. "Ma'am" used in
the context of politeness does NOT bother me at all. I'm 43 going on 44, and the first time I was ever called "ma'am" was when I was around 30 in a professional setting, and it was used as a term of respect. I know it can have other connotations, but as long as it is used in genuine politeness and/or respect, I have no problem with it whatsoever. :)
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Xipe Totec Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 04:38 PM
Response to Reply #40
42. I use the double contraction, yes'm
for "yes, madam", whose full meaning is yes, my lady.

I find that it defuses contention by mixing humor and respect at the same time.

:hi:
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:36 AM
Response to Reply #40
76. I was 25 the first time someone called me ma'am
but I was lugging around a newborn.

I guess if you're carting around a baby or if there is a wedding ring you are automatically called ma'am, no matter the age.
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Shine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 04:36 PM
Response to Original message
41. It doesn't bother me one bit, personally.
In my opinion, there are much worthier things to spend my anger on. :D

:hi:
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sammythecat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 05:02 PM
Response to Original message
43. If I'm trying to get the attention of a female stranger,
like, in a store, or on the street, I'll preface what I say with "Miss?".

If she's wearing a polka dot dress, pearls, and very sensible shoes, I'll address her as "Ma'am". Correct me if I'm wrong (like THAT won't happen without permission here), but I think the Queen of England is addressed as "Ma'am". :)
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electron_blue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:49 AM
Response to Reply #43
81. Actually, wouldn't she be HRH?
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sammythecat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 01:05 PM
Response to Reply #81
88. I haven't looked this up, but,
I think she'd only be addressed as HRH at first greeting and departure. "Ma'am" would suffice for all the in-between stuff, and "sir" for a king (unless they're just nuts). The Queen seems like a sensible woman and I think a "your royal highness" at beginning or end of every sentence would soon drive her to smack me upside the head with her scepter and scream "fer chrissake! Will you STOP that and just pass the salt? You're intolerable!"

I agree with you that if I wanted to get the attention of the Queen of England my first words would be "Your Royal Highness,...". "Ma'am" for subsequent conversation, and if we were to start hangin' she'd probably like if I dropped that as well. I imagine that, excepting formal occasions, she'd like to be treated as a respected fellow human rather than an icon.
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electron_blue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 02:52 PM
Response to Reply #88
93. LOL! I think you're right.
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BarenakedLady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 05:03 PM
Response to Original message
44. Like I said in the you feel old when thread...
It makes me feel old. It does not piss me off though.
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sammythecat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 05:07 PM
Response to Original message
45. "female type"?


:rofl:
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Cabcere Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 05:10 PM
Response to Original message
46. It's never occurred to me to be "pissed off" about being called "Ma'am"
although, as a 21-year-old, it is a little weird when people address me that way. :crazy: Makes me feel like they're treating me with more respect than I deserve, lol. :P I agree with some of the other posters, though - it does seem to be a Southern thing (I'm from rural Virginia, and I and most people I know have been taught that it's polite to address adults as "Sir" or "Ma'am"). :) Hope that helps!
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deadparrot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 05:23 PM
Response to Original message
48. No, but "hon" irritates the hell out of me.
:shrug:
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Breeze54 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 05:25 PM
Response to Original message
49. "Today I Am a Ma'Am: And Other Musings on Life, Beauty, and Growing Older"


Just sayin'.... :rofl:


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NashVegas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 05:40 PM
Response to Original message
50. North of the Mason-Dixon Line It's An Insult to Most Women Under 40 (at least)
Edited on Sun Mar-18-07 05:44 PM by Crisco
In my experience, in the northeast, when someone calls you ma'am it's an insult. The turn towards formality signifies a chill. As in, "I'd like to call you 'bitch' but that would be uncivil." Otherwise it's used to address an older woman.


Down south it's entirely different. Here it's definitely an address of respect, that kicks in at an age where there's no doubt you should be married :)
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Qanisqineq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 05:41 PM
Response to Original message
51. Yes, I hate it (n/t)
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ganeshji Donating Member (401 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 06:12 PM
Response to Original message
52. It really depends on the age of the person saying it.
I'm 26. If someone my age or older calls me ma'am it makes me feel awkward. When it's someone like the young gentlemen who mow my lawn I appreciate it. Then again, I just referred to 12 and 14 year olds as gentlemen.
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skygazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 06:13 PM
Response to Original message
53. It's a perfectly correct, polite form of address
I vastly prefer it to "you guys" which is so often used by servers or others speaking to a group. I'm not a guy.

I see it as a sign of manners in a person.
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hedgehog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 06:25 PM
Response to Original message
54. I always use ma'am and sir when talking to people, and I was
raised in the Rust Belt, so I don't know where I picked it up. I tell you, it really helps when you're dealing with people and it's clear that it's genuine and not sarcastic. I do tend to be rather more formal than other people. My background was immigrant Irish, so while I addressed my grandparents as Grandma and Grandpa, they were referred to as Grandpa and Grandma Surname rather than Grandpa FIrst Name and Grandma First Name.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:41 AM
Response to Reply #54
78. My grandparents on both sides were addressed as
"Grandma and Grandpa (surname)" also.

I grew up just north of Chicago.
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 06:36 PM
Response to Original message
55. Here in the south, ma'am is used as a form of respect. It is
not used to be condescending and I don't know of a woman here who feels that it is. Different cultures. I was raised to say ma'am and sir to adults. Just the way it is here.
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u4ic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 07:27 PM
Response to Original message
56. While the term doesn't annoy me,
I find it rather unnecessary. It just denotes me being a woman, rather than a man (sir).


Asking me to wait, or wishing me a pleasant day doesn't need to involve gender. :shrug:
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Arkansas Granny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 07:43 PM
Response to Original message
57. Doesn't bother me in the least. Not everyone uses sir and ma'am
around here, but it's generally considered good manners where I live.
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I Have A Dream Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 07:51 PM
Response to Original message
58. No, it doesn't bother me at all. However, it doesn't bother me what age people...
think that I am.

I have an aunt who is in her 70s who almost certainly would be offended because she thinks that she has no value if she's not viewed as being attractive, and attractive to her means being young. I believe that many in American society feel this way.

This is not a rhetorical question: What do women who are over 30 prefer to be called when they are addressed by someone else?

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Skittles Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 08:09 PM
Response to Original message
59. I was first called MA'AM as a 21 year old sergeant in the Air Force
it threw me then - now, I just don't care for it but it's not enough to make me snap at someone :)
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InvisibleTouch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 09:18 PM
Response to Original message
60. Doesn't bother me at all.
I'm under 50. I wasn't raised in the south either. But to me, it just sounds respectful.

I've generally only heard it on the phone with customer service, though.

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GalleryGod Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 09:26 PM
Response to Original message
61. Oh, Puhl-eeeeeeze.!?! Beats the hell out of 'Hon.



I refuse to have my manners rerouted in the 21st Century
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WritingIsMyReligion Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 09:50 PM
Response to Original message
62. In the north we NEVER use "ma'am" except for in the most mocking of situations.
Edited on Sun Mar-18-07 09:51 PM by WritingIsMyReligion
"Sir" is never used either. In fact, when you call someone "sir" or "ma'am," it is assumed that you are being impertinent. :D

So I've never been called "ma'am" or "miss" by anybody. :)
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grannylib Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-18-07 11:55 PM
Response to Original message
63. I prefer "Ma'am" to being called by my first name by those who glance at
my credit/debit card and think that passes for "personal customer service."

And "Ma'am" is definitely preferable to "Miss," which I've had some people call me before, and for which I don't care at all.
I guess for a casual situation like a checkout at a store, I don't need any kind of "title" or form of address at all...just pleasant, polite and professional treatment and get business taken care of...one can still be perfectly nice and wish people a great day or whatever, without calling them anything.
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Dervill Crow Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 12:41 AM
Response to Original message
64. Not in the least.
Guess I'm old-fashioned. That in and of itself might make me ma'am-worthy. I'm 52 and married, so I feel a bit awkward when someone calls me "Miss," since that is obviously a clever ploy for who knows what evil purpose.
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wildhorses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 12:45 AM
Response to Original message
65. it does not bother me
but, then i am from the south...

we ma'am all over the place down here:P
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Tsiyu Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 09:49 AM
Response to Original message
66. It normally does not bother me


except when it's said by some catty young thing in an obvious attempt to make note of my age.

Then I am nicer than normal in my response, because the little twit WANTS me to take offense.

But I'm thinking, "You are the reason all the good-looking guys YOUR age are flirting with ME. I'm nicer. :)"
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raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 09:57 AM
Response to Original message
67. Hell, no. But when people start calling you sir or ma'm, you know
you're getting older.
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jobycom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:04 AM
Response to Original message
69. I use it in exactly the way I use "Sir." This is literally the first I've heard that it's an affront
I've seen some suggest it's a North/South thing. I know how screwed up people in the North are in their daily lives, so maybe that's true. :) When I worked retail, or any time I'm in a situation where I should be somewhat formal to people I don't know, I use the term "Ma'am" and "Sir."

If "Ma'am" isn't right, what does one use in such situations? I'm assuming "Honey" and "Toots" aren't appropriate.
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One_Life_To_Give Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:10 AM
Response to Original message
70. When in doubt I use "Yo Wench!"
As in "Yo Wench, bring me a beer/meade/ale" or my favorite

"Yo Wench, attach yourself to the chains on the wall"}(
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BluePatriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:21 AM
Response to Original message
72. *shrug*
Not much but I know it's in much more common usage here in the South, even for younger women. I usually hear it in service environments and use it myself when making phone calls to customers and vendors. It's an artifact of "good manners/service."
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:29 AM
Response to Original message
73. It's a sign of respect.
Why would I be offended?

And they usually refer to women as "Ma'am" when they appear to have left the age of 17 behind. Before then they are referred to as "Miss".

I'd prefer the bag boy or the server call me "Ma'am" instead of "Hey you!" or "Yo Bitch!"
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lies and propaganda Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:32 AM
Response to Original message
75. Im 26, a Southerner, and I love it!
it always makes me feel special, not old....
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bumblebee1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:44 AM
Response to Original message
79. It doesn't bother me one way or another now.
I remember being called ma'am while I was stationed in the south. It would crack me up whenever a store clerk would call me ma'am. I'd start looking around to see if my mother, stepmother or grandmother was standing behind me. I realize the kids raised in the south were taught that as a matter of respect.
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havocmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:57 AM
Response to Original message
82. M'am doesn't bother me, but being called 'dear' by 20-somethings
I have no relationship to is getting sorta annoying. It is said in a way that sounds like (hurry and scurry, old woman, we have other things to talk about and don't want to be bothered). I am not 72, hunched over and unable to function. I find the 'dear' thing a bit condescending, especially living in a town so small we all know each other's names, if not directly related. x(

Think they will mind if I start addressing them as Whipper-snappers? ;)

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MissMillie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 10:59 AM
Response to Original message
83. Not at all
My first instinct is to give people the benefit of the doubt. My first assumption would be that "Ma'am" was being used as a term of respect.
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femmedem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 11:30 AM
Response to Original message
84. Hell yes! I have The Magistrate on Ignore!
No, actually I have no problem with Ma'am. It isn't a term I use, but when someone directs it at me, I hear it as respectful: not overly familiar like Hon or Dear, not patronizing like Miss.

That said, I do remember the first time I went into my old college bookstore thinking I was all that in my funky miniskirt and the student cashier called me Ma'am. Yeah, I felt old. But hey, I thought of the cashier as "that kid." So...um...maybe I'm old. :)
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El Fuego Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 11:33 AM
Response to Original message
85. I HATE it.
And if a really young guys call me "Miss," I sometimes think that they're patronizing me...so I guess there's no pleasing me!
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Schema Thing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 12:34 PM
Response to Original message
87. I kinda like it...
...in my world, "ma'am" seems to be amusingly playfully appropriate for girls and women too young for it to be a sign of respect for-the wisdom-of-age, and yet it seamlessly integrates into an appropriate respectfulness as women do get to a certain age. I am uncertain what that certain age is however.
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Book Lover Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 01:13 PM
Response to Original message
89. Piss me off? I *expect* it!
I didn't just wake up and have this grey hair all of a sudden at the age of 38. I earned every one. You* call me "Ma'am," and I'll try to remember that even though you're under 30, your brain might have already started working.


*The impersonal "you", not you the OP.
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eeyore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 01:53 PM
Response to Original message
90. Wow! I had no idea what I'd started....
Thanks to everyone for the responses. I think I may now be more confused than ever. It seems that the majority of women who responded are not bothered by it, however there are many who are, so I'm not sure where that leaves us - other than at a cultural impasse.

I must admit that I never use the term in a formal or serious manner, and it only seems to piss of women who don't get my playful tone. I tend to use it more with cashiers or service workers, kind of in a jokey and familiar country-fried way, always friendly and not formal. Some people don't get that, though, and think that I'm trying to be formal, and that's when the trouble starts. I live in the Northwest, and it's rarely used here, so I think that for some women it's a bit of an affront on some level.

I went to Disneyland a few years back, and decided to go for a spin of the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, the western mine shaft themed roller coaster. The young woman (18-20) who was taking tickets was dressed in a western costume, and when she took my ticket I said "Thank you ma'am!" with a fake cowboy twang. She shot daggers at me and said "I am not a ma'am! How old do you think I am?". Her reaction both shocked and cracked me up. She was working at a western themed roller coaster, dressed in western costume, and it still pissed her off. I just smiled, apologized for my affornt, and told her that I thought that Disneyland was supposed to be the happiest place on earth, which only pissed her off further.

So, not sure what to make of it all, but it seems to be a very loaded term, especially outside the south.

Thank you ma'ams!
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edbermac Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 02:07 PM
Response to Original message
91. I do because the nuns told me to address a lady that way.
And if I didn't they'd beat the shit out of me. :7
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 02:11 PM
Response to Original message
92. I was a little taken aback when I was first called "Ma'am" in my 20s...
but I got over it.

So now that I'm pushing 50 they call me "Sweetie", just to keep me on my toes.
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ceile Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 02:58 PM
Response to Original message
94. Absolutely!
My SO calls me that by accident sometimes-just out of habitual politeness. He gets a good smack in the arm for it.
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tigereye Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 03:16 PM
Response to Original message
95. it kind of rankles the feminist in me
however, saying MS. would sound funny. And I don't want to be called dear, or sweetie, or hon.

So I guess I'll just bite my tongue. ;)
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 03:21 PM
Response to Original message
96. I've been called worse.
:rofl:
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Blue Diadem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 03:46 PM
Response to Original message
97. I've been chewed out for saying Ma'am, Miss, even Sir
I'll never know what those people expected me to call them but they were definitely not happy when I used those words. I guess if someone leaves a package/bag or drops something without noticing it, maybe I should just holler HEY YOU.

It was funny though when the guy told me he's not a sir, never has been, never will be. He did explain he was a farmer and thought that term should be for the "upper" people.

It's never bothered me to be called Ma'am.










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Sequoia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 03:49 PM
Response to Original message
98. No. It's a sign of respect. But wouldn't call a young girl that.
I'd say 35 on.

However, I don't say "yes sir" to a guy who's my boss.
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CanuckAmok Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 05:35 PM
Response to Original message
99. It's still better than "Hey, Udderface"
n/t
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ikojo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 06:56 PM
Response to Original message
102. No, not really...it is a term of respect
All it means to me is that the person using the term thinks I'm old.

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alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-19-07 07:44 PM
Response to Original message
103. I prefer "Your highness"
But I guess I don't really qualify.
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