Has anyone ever told you s/he loves you when you didn't feel the same?

[seaglass]

What do you say when someone says "I love you" and you don't share the feeling? What if you really really like the person but just don't love the person?

This didn't happen to me, it happened to my daughter. She asked me about it and I couldn't remember a time when someone said they loved me and I didn't love them back. I thought people don't say that to each other unless they are fairly confident the feeling is mutual.

I don't think you can just say thanks, or that's really nice. So what would you say?

[zanne]

1. That's one of the hardest things there is...

It's hard to hear that somebody you love doesn't love you back, but it's also hard to say "I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same". I think we've all been the lovestruck one, so we know how painful it is. If you don't love someone who loves you, you have to tell them. There's no easy way to say it, either. Just say it and let the other person get on with his/her life.

[seaglass]

4. Does it mean the relationship has to end? She really likes him

a lot as a boyfriend, she just doesn't love him. I think she wants to keep the relationship as it was to her - 2 people that really liked each other's company and considered each other boyfriend and girlfriend - but loving someone to her means something about the future and she doesn't want a commitment right now to a future.

I should say that she is 17yo, a senior in HS and is getting college acceptances - so she is thinking of her future in those terms rather than in relationship terms. He is 21 years old and unemployed so maybe when he looks at a future the relationship comes first.

[zanne]

7. Well, she shouldn't string him along.

That would be selfish. He'll just fall deeper and deeper in love if she doesn't let him go. "You've got to be cruel to be kind", y'know?

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

2. And the survey says. . . Lie!

Meh, thats what I would do. Then immediatly try to diffuse the situation if you can tell that it wont work out. You may lose a good friend, but thats better than having an enemy.

OR, you could try just saying the truth, but that is an easy way to make an awkward situation, and a quick way to destroy a friendship (Both of my answers end up losing a friend don't they? Well then)

However, with one girl, we just kept at it lying to each other (without me trying to diffuse it by growing away at all), and after it finally ended, we spent about 2-3 months fighting. However, by apologizing after that, we were able to salvage that relationship, and she is now one of my best friends.

[LuLu550]

3. NO, DON'T LIE!

Having been on the other end of this equation, it is far easier to "get over it" if you are not being "strung along."

Kind of like you rip a band-aid off quickly, you know?

"I really care about you but I don't feel the same. I think of you as a good friend, but that is all" anything like that is better than giving someone false hope.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

8. IDK, I guess it depends on your personality.

For me, I'd much prefer the temporary lie and the 'weaning' away from the person. Generally I would try to be honest with someone else, but just because I would do that for them doesn't mean I want it done the same way :P

I'm one of those freaks that slowly peels off a band aid too.

[Left Is Write]

12. Don't lie. Never tell a person you love him or her if you don't.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

5. Being someone a year ago today that told someone " I loved them " and they did'nt love me back ...

I have learned that a relationship has to be on equal ground or else it won't work.

My ex-boyfriend told me a couple of weeks ago that he really likes me . My response ... fuck you.

[Chan790]

6. Yes.

They had the good sense when I stood there stunned to wait 10 seconds and say "I guess you don't feel the same and that's okay. I just wanted you to know." I still kind of feel like a schmuck for it because she really was pouring her self out, but what can you do? If you don't love someone and don't think you ever will, you just don't love them.

I think my response was something really tacky like "It's okay." Clearly, it's not okay. I was 19 and pretty sure I was never going to love anybody. The thought had never crossed my mind that somebody (her) might have a different view of what exactly we were doing and that I might have to have a response prepared for this situation.

Now, I'm just upfront..."I don't think we mean that the same way or have the same things in mind. Remember 20 minutes ago...before you said that...that's what I want for us. That's my perfect relationship." It makes me an ass but there is no ambiguity to it.

[Heidi]

9. Sort of.

There've been times that I didn't love people in the ways they wanted me to love them; I felt it was best to be honest about my unwillingness or inability to reciprocate commensurate with their expectations of me. :shrug:

[crim son]

10. I've been on both sides and she must be honest and she must

break if off cleanly.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

11. several people.

you stick with the truth. and if there is no possibility that you will end up loving them you should say that too.

"i dont want to hurt your feelings but while i like you very much i dont love you"

in the long run its the kindest thing to say

[kedrys]

13. Yes. Been on both sides of that one

The one was my best friend from school giving me a letter after eating lunch and telling me not to read it until I got home. We're friends to this day, but at the time, it really freaked me out.

The other was when I told a friend, and after some discussion, we decided to keep it on the friend level. To this day, I think I did some real damage, but we've lost touch (this happened before I met and married the s.o.), and I'm not proud of it.

[Left Is Write]

14. Yes.

I told him I liked him and wanted to keep seeing him. It was awkward, but we did keep seeing each other for a while until I finally broke it off. THAT was somewhat ugly, but he didn't drag it out. We never spoke again.

[seaglass]

16. I talked to her about it this morning and told her she needed

to tell him that while she really likes him a lot, she doesn't feel as strongly as he does - then let him decide if he can deal with that or not.

I think she understood that it wouldn't be fair to let him believe the relationship is something more than it is. Now she just needs to get the courage up to talk to him about it.

[LeftyMom]

15. Yes, but I convinced myself I did for a time.

Years ago, and a relationship long over, but still something that causes me headaches. :sigh:

[Duppers]

17. 'I'm still sorting my feelings out'

Don't be cruel, but Never lie!

[Nicole]

18. Yes

An ex-boyfriend told me he loved and I didn't feel the same way. I told him I loved spending time with him but that I didn't love him. He told me he was glad I was honest with him, that my honesty was one of the things he loved about me. So I jokingly asked if I started lying to him could he go back to just being in like with me. :rofl:

It worked out well in the end. We dated for another year until he left for college, where he met his future wife.

[idgiehkt]

19. Yes

My stupid answer was to giggle and say "No you don't." I was 18, but it caught me off guard. I didn't feel the intense love that my S.O.'s felt with me, most of the time, even though I did love them. My last girlfriend, I loved, probably as much as she loved me.

[Omphaloskepsis]

20. I told a girl I loved her to get in her pants. It worked.

The thing is I did love her. Sex was my motivation to tell her.