Abandon all hope...

[youthere]

I just came to the realization that the only way I'm going to be able to pay for college for my three kids, is if I start putting aside twice my monthly income ten years before they were born.

http://www.savingforcollege.com/college-savings-calculator/

[Strawman]

1. Mine better win some scholarships

If my stupid slacker ass can do it with no parental guidance, so can they with some guidance.

If I can ever afford to pay for day care and have any actual kids, that is.

[youthere]

2. How did you manage it?

[Strawman]

3. I didn't until grad school

I took out loans for undergrad that I'll be paying until my kids are on Social Security.

For grad school, I found out about a scholarship, busted my ass to not only get all A's (which is not uncommon in grad school), but to stand out somewhat above and beyond that and get some good letters of rec, wrote a good essay, and applied. I've gone, mostly for free, for 2 years now.

By the time I have kids that age, hopefully in-state undergrad tuition will be free. I think our governor is going to make that happen before she leaves office.

[youthere]

5. I'm STILL paying...

my husband and I consolidated ours to get a lower interest rate but still..we won't have them paid off for several more years. It's this huge albatross that has been hanging around our necks all of our married life..I don't want that for my kids, but honestly...what the hell else can we do?
I feel absolutely sick to my stomach about it.

[itsmesgd]

4. I have come to accept that I'll be paying my loans off forever

I think that it's a fair trade to pay back the loan while I work. If not for school, I wouldnt have the jobs I've had.

[azmouse]

6. So when did this come about that parents

felt they owed their kids a college education? :shrug:

If any kid wants to go there are always loans. Plan for your retirement first. The best gift you can give your kids is not having to take care of you in your old age.

[youthere]

7. That's good advice...

(about not taking care of us when we get old-although we still reserve the right to become incontinent for their inconvenience and our own amusement-a little payback if you will! LOL!)

I guess for me it's something that is really important. I'll bore you with a long story. My dad died when I was about 14 (my next oldest brother was 16). We were the youngest of nine kids. My dad never went to college and worked his ass off most of his life...my mom went to community college to get her nursing degree. NONE of the other seven went to college and they all made some pretty bad choices. One of the things my dad wanted was for my brother and I to go to college. After he died, my mom got a buttload of money from his life insurance-a LOT of life insurance . She redecorated the house. She got a boyfriend and went on trips. She bought a LOT of clothes, and other crap. When my brother graduated and got accepted to college, my mother refused to help him..not one red cent ( I doubt there was any money left anyway). I don't think my parents were OBLIGATED by any means, but I know that my dad would have wanted part of that money to be used for college. He always said that if we went to college he would find a way to help us pay for it. My brother worked his ASS off through college. Two jobs and a full course load. There were times he didn't think he'd make it. Plenty of times he almost quit.
When it came time for me to go, I didn't even ask her. I borrowed, I worked and there were plenty of times I didn't think I'd make it, and plenty of times I almost quit.
We made it though. My mother likes to "take credit" for our education when she's around the rest of the family, or her friends, and it makes me resent the hell out of her. So does my brother. I remember when he graduated she said to him "Aren't you glad I made you do it on your own?" and she said it as though this were some crowning parental achievement.
Now I won't say that we didn't gain anything from having to do it on our own..in fact in retrospect I'm glad we don't "owe" her for putting us through college because she would hold it over our heads for the rest of our lives. (But that's getting into a whole other can of worms)
I expect my kids to have to pay for some of their college....but I also don't want them to have to go through the same struggle my brother and I did.
Again, I don't think my mother OWED me an education, but you know what...it would have been nice if she had passed once in awhile on yet another new sweater and had thrown me (or my brother) a $10 or a $20 to put towards books or groceries.

[av8rdave]

8. I told my kids I was good for the cost of 4 years of in-state college...HOWEVER

It's a scholarship. GPA falls below 3.0, and it goes away.

My son wound up with a full academic scholarship to college, and is working as an RA to cover his housing (and maintains a 4.0). The college takes the scholarship away if he doesn't keep at least a 3.0. The same will apply to my daughter, all though it appears highly likely I'll be the source of the "scholarship."

Anything beyond 4 years of undergrad, or out of state/private above the Texas in-state college cost is up to them.

I think that's fair enough.

[crim son]

9. That scholarship idea is a great one.

My parents gave me a free ride and I abused it while at the same time getting used to the idea that there'd always be a safety net should I need one. It turns out that I was wrong! (anybody surprised?) My children are learning something different and I may have to steal the concept of parental contributions being a scholarship.

[azmouse]

10. I'm sorry to hear about the early loss of your father.

There is never a good time to lose a parent but the teens must be the worst. :hug:

If you can help your children out with college it's a great gift. I've heard of people tying in the financial aid to the grade. The higher the grade the more the parent will pay for the course. That almost forces the student to study hard for the highest grade they can get (and hopefully they will really learn) and may keep them from too much partying.
Just before we were married my husband was finishing college. When I visited him at the university I could tell by the amount of partying who was paying for their own education (they worked harder and partied less) and who was getting it paid for (it was party all the time). Of course it's not a hard and fast rule but I could still tell a difference in attitude.

[youthere]

11. Thanks azmouse...

it's pretty obvious on any campus who is footing the bill. There are very few students putting themselves through college that piss it away-that's for sure!

I like the idea of tying our financial contributions to their grades. I want to help them as much as possible, but I also don't want to make the mistake of making it too easy on them either. I've always believed the old saying "That which costs us little is valued little". I've seen a lot of kids that got the free ride from mom and dad that took it for granted.