So I receive one of those Chuck Norris lists ...

[cool user name]

... and I decided to come up with a few of my own. If you think they are hilarious, yes, these are mine. If you don't find them funny, well I didn't make them up.

Anyway, it was fun to think them up and feel free to add your own.

Here we go:

Chuck Norris didn’t part the Red Sea, he only roundhouse kicked it so hard that it feared to ever part again.

When Chuck Norris uses TotalGym™, the equipment even gets bigger.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have to split the atom to achieve nuclear fission; he need only brush it with his beard.

Chuck Norris can eat one Pringle and stop.

Gravity and Chuck Norris have an agreement. Chuck Norris won’t kick gravity’s ass as long as Chuck Norris doesn’t weigh too much. To this day, scientists have marveled at Chuck’s perfect height to weight ratio.

Major League Baseball Commissioners contemplated outlawing Chuck Norris being used as a performance enhancer by Mark McGuire. Chuck threatened to flex his muscles and the commissioners caved in.

It's been rumored that after saying "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself," that President Roosevelt muttered, "And Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris doesn't have to have intercourse to conceive children. He just squints and grunts and out pops a litter of little Chucks.

Chuck Norris is single-handedly responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs, though Chuck is too modest to concede this fact so scientists blamed it on an astroid instead.

When Chuck Norris gets angry, the temperature of the earth raises by several degrees. Chuck Norris is mighty pissed right now.

Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop.

Chuck Norris breaks the sound bearier just by farting.

Einstein said that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light. Not only can Chuck do this, but he can travel faster than the speed of Chuck, which is said by modern scientists, to be absolutely impossible.

There's nuking and then there's Chucking. The latter cooks in half the time as the former.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

1. LMAO!

Well done! :rofl:

[cool user name]

2. Whew! Thanks!

The DU crowd can be brutal so ...

:hi:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

3. No, we're cool in the Lounge.

It's just those douchebags in GD you have to watch out for. :D

[Bucky]

4. Chuck Norris posts in GD... and changes peoples' minds

[Starbucks Anarchist]

6. Even Chuck Norris can't do that.

:rofl:

[cool user name]

8. I'd ask Chuck Norris but I'm too scared. n/t

:P

[ohiosmith]

5. Chuck Norris once threw a round house kick so fast that he went back in time and kicked his own ass

before he threw the kick.

[Little Wing]

7. Let's see what original stuff I can come up

Darth Vader still dresses up because he wrongly thinks Chuck Norris can't see in the dark

Chuck Norris once provided the power to NYC by holding his beard against a frieght train in Nebraska

Every seventh ocean wave is larger because of Chuck Norris's breathing

Chuck Norris fired Donald Trump

Chuck Norris's SecondLife Avatar requires its own Datacenter

Chuck Norris has the only myspace with the Holy Trinity as a friend

[cool user name]

9. Thoses are great!

:rofl:

Chuck Norris can leave the Hotel California anytime he feels like it.

During the Cold War, both superpowers feared Chuck Norris' military strength.

Chuck Norris tired of only one giant land mass and set about creating the seven continents.

Chuck Norris doesn't use directions to get to his destination. He uses Chuck, Chuck, Chuck and Chuck and will still beat anyone in a race to get there.

[Beetwasher]

10. Chuck Norris Is The Only Person In Existence Who Can Make Three Lefts

And still move in a straight line.

[cool user name]

11. LMAO ... Keep 'em comin'!

These are too funny!

[cool user name]

12. Two more:

Only Chuck Norris knows which came first, the chicken or the egg.

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He makes an example out of the first blade of grass by karate chopping it. The other blades of grass follow suit.

[cool user name]

13. This sank fast ...

Chuck Norris wouldn't allow that.