My friend lost her husband two years ago in an accident and might be ready to date now.

[tinfoilinfor2005]

She is asking for my advice. Age forty, smart and pretty, but still very shaky on the dating thing.

Please don't send me to the lounge. I really need serious answers to give her.

People have advised her on internet dating services but she is nervous about doing this. I basically told her that she might be better off getting involved in groups with similar interests where she can actually meet people. As an example I told her that I attended some political events through the Dem party and had I been single, I could have easily met a lot of single people with like minded interests.

How do you feel about internet dating services? Any good feedback?
Any other suggestions?

P.S. - She has no financial problems...in fact she has her own business and is quite well set financially.

[Horse with no Name]

1. Tread lightly.

The fact that she is well-off can hurt her in the long run.
I would avoid internet dating like the plague. From your description she may be a little fragile still and there are way too many predators out there in the online dating world. The only exception that I would make is meeting someone that lives close by where you can see where they live, what they drive, and if they have a wife.(I have friends with horror stories).
I would suggest business and professional organizations, social organizations, political societies, etc.
I wish her luck.

[Botany]

2. Tell your friend, that I hope she finds happiness

No one path to it. Most important is that she is happy with who she is ....
and does not let society tell her unless she has a man .... she isn't happy.

[leftofthedial]

3. do you have her phone number?

...

[Cleita]

4. Having known a programmer who worked on an internet dating

service, they don't really match you up that much. It's pretty much a list that they send to everyone in the same age demography. To me this is no better than picking someone up on a street corner. You may not know what you are getting.

I'm for the special interest way of meeting someone. If I were young I would join the Sierra Club and go on some of their hikes and outings. Lots of fresh air and outdoorsy types of men there. Yes, she will have to go where the guys go. She's not going to meet anyone in a craft's class, but might meet someone she likes in a writing workshop.

Also, a friend of mine swears on meeting guys in hardware stores.

[The Straight Story]

5. two friends of mine use them

of course, they (like me) are nerds...

Anywho...They have met some decent folks on eharmony and another one I can't think of off hand.

My advice - try it with the view that it is a way to meet new people, and don't invest the emotions of it will help you find mr. right (cause, well...I am already taken!!).

Look to it as a fun way to meet folks, some of which might develop into something more.

[Poiuyt]

21. Be sure to check epinions.com before joining eHarmony

They are a very Christian based group and I've heard that they tend to have trouble finding partners for you unless you are too. There are a lot of complaints about them.

[Bucky]

6. All of the above, and tell her to bring her own condoms

Really, too many of us guys are jerks.

[Bucky]

10. Oops, let me clarify what I meant

I wasn't being flip (like Harry Truman was to Mrs Dewey on Election Night 1948). I meant "all of the above" as in try the online dating AND going to social groups to circulate and meet people. I wasn't suggesting she should come over to my place personally with a pack of condoms!

Well, not until I straighten up the living room anyway ;)

[durrrty libby]

12. Amen to the truth!

[Clark2008]

7. I agree with your assessment: I'd much rather join a group

of people with similar interests in order to meet a prospective partner than do Internet dating. My husband tried Internet dating some years before we met and he said the people he met were, by and large, a very "needy" group of people.

And on that vein, I'd echo Botany's sentiments above: make sure she's happy with herself and doesn't fell like she "needs" a man.

FWIW, I met my hubby quite by accident the old fashioned way: in a bar. LOL! Seriously, though, we played pool and talked and exchanged phone numbers. Our first two dates were "chaperoned" by my then, 5-year-old son. But I knew he was at least a keeper when he came to my house, saw my Wes Clark paraphernalia from the campaign and said, "General Clark was the best commander I ever served under." ;)

[Cleita]

11. That's how I met mine, but I really don't recommend it. I was lucky.

I'm an ex-bartender and frankly guys on drinks pretty much turn into jerks while they are under the influence.

[Botany]

17. Did I ever tell you that you are my Fav?

And now you have served under (and over) your hubby .... :rofl:

I have had 2 internet dates ..... Wow! I wanted out quick.

Take care of the KOEB, Bleever, and my Cyber God Daughter ....
if Wes has to be the real God Parent O.K. :rofl:

[Clark2008]

20. Considering I'm carrying your Cyber God Daughter, I'm pretty

sure we know I've served under (and over) my hubby. :rofl:

[Catherine Vincent]

8. I think your advice is the best of all.

At leat she would meet a fellow Democrat. But don't you have any friends you could hook her up with?

[Cleita]

14. She wouldn't in my Democratic Party club.

I'm one of the younger members and I'm sixty-seven. However, it would insure against meeting any Republicans.

[momster]

18. Do They Have Sons?

When I was working for MD Dem Party, I was always asked by 65+ ladies if I was single because they all seemed to have sons who were looking for a 'nice girl'. I'm extremely married but if I wasn't, I'd start asking for particulars of those sons. (Or daughters, if I were male.)

[Cleita]

19. That's a thought. I never thought of it that way.

Some of the geezers have tried to pick me up, but I'm not willing to get married again. I don't feel like nursing another one.

[NashVegas]

9. Set Her Up With a Friend, If You Can

If there're any men in your acquaintance whose company you think she might enjoy, and vice verse, go for it.

[lapfog_1]

13. Internet dating is, by and large, a bad idea.

Tell her to join groups that do activities together (skiing, scuba diving, traveling, etc). Tell her not to join to meet someone, but to join because she likes the activity. The more she socializes, the better chance of meeting someone who is single and likes at least one thing that she likes.

[Morgana LaFey]

15. Aw, c;mon. This is a LOUNGE thread

Sheesh.

[sendero]

16. I'm a fan of internet dating..

... since I met my incredible wife that way, along with many other terrific women.

Did I meet/talk to some duds? Sure. But the internet has several advantages over meeting folks in random places, and restricting your search to "friends of your friends" is beyond limiting, it's a straightjacket.

The methods one uses in online meeting are different, and yet the same as in meat space.

The advantage of the net is you can weed out the folks who have nothing in common with you intellectually, spiritually or politically quickly by reading what they have to say. Then, if someone looks like they might be interesting, the next step is talking to them on the phone several times. My experience is that with an hour or two of phone, you can get to know pretty quickly where someone is coming from. Certainly as good as any chance meeting or bar or interest group.

After the phone, you meet. If the physical part is ok or better, then you might be on your way.

People like to stress the negatives of online dating. That only losers are there. Bullshit. That folks lie about themselves. Sometimes, just like in real life.

Just my 2 cents. I'm sure not everyone is cut out for this, but I dated my banker, a woman from my gym, a woman I met at the Sierra club meetings and others, but I found the love of my life online.

[tinfoilinfor2005]

22. Aw, sendero how very sweet.

The love of your life is a lucky girl and you are equally lucky to have found her!

[Horse with no Name]

25. I am glad it worked out well for you

However, many are not so lucky. Many prey on people's vulnerability.
I will tell you of a good friend's experience. It spanned 5 years of her life.
She met the love of her life online. He was in California. She was in Texas. But that wasn't a problem.
He told her everything she wanted (and needed) to hear.
She had his home number and his work number. She had pictures and letters and cards, etc.
They got together occasionally...however, he always said that he had so many miles racked up, he would rather meet her here and anyway, he wanted to look for the "perfect job" while he was out here.
So they always got together in Texas.
They even put a deposit on a house that he backed out of at the last minute for a "valid" reason--the job "supposedly" fell through.
Anyhoo...as time progressed, we could all see that she was being played for a fool. I guess we figured it out when she started sending him money and paying his bills, buying his kids Christmas, etc.
Turns out, he was married. He had a second phone line installed to his computer that apparently his wife never checked or disconnected his computer. He only unplugged his computer when his wife wasn't home.
We tried to tell her something wasn't right--but she desperately wanted to believe it was. He was good looking, had a decent job, was good with his kids, etc.
His brother ended up telling my friend that his brother was married. Apparently, he couldn't stand the wife and had hoped his brother would finally leave her, but he too figured out after awhile it wasn't going to happen and he couldn't stand the deception.
.....
Another friend met the perfect man. He was an ambulance pilot working in Missouri. He made arrangements to meet her in Dallas, rent a plane and fly to New York for dinner and a sunset flight. Unfortunately he had a heart attack the week before this was going to happen.
Their relationship tapered off. Months later, some woman called her. Apparently it was this guy's wife who found this girl's number.
The guy wasn't a pilot. He worked in a bakery. He didn't have a heart attack.
His wife ended up taking away his computer.:rofl:
...
Other friends have had similar experiences...to numerous to mention. It has to be said that they met these people off of Yahoo's personal site which I am pretty certain that they aren't screened.

[133724]

23. My first wife died when I was 37.

from complications relating to diabetes.

Fortunately, I changed churches and went back to my lutheran heritage...

I remarried after a conspiracy among the little old ladies in the church helped me get to know my present wife...

I never will forget the one sunday when they ganged up on me and said

"jerry, Kathleen's hair looks very nice today doesn't it."
"jerry, Kathleen's hair looks very nice today doesn't it."

"jerry, Kathleen's hair looks very nice today doesn't it."

"jerry, Kathleen's hair looks very nice today doesn't it."

"jerry, Kathleen's hair looks very nice today doesn't it."

I finally got the message.. we have been married about 15 years now and I have loved every moment...

[Spangle]

24. Honestly

It means she is ready to accept the idea of another guy in her life. That doesn't mean she has to do so right away. There is a difference.

Tell her not to focus on it. But to go out and met friends. Get active, live life. That would introduce her to a number of people. Enjoy being single and meeting people. Re-learn that it's ok to "really" flirt and be flirted with.

She is a different person then when she dated before. She needs to find out who she is now. And from what I'm hearing, the dating rules have changed. ALOT! Tee Hee...

I wouldn't use an online dating service, unless all other options have been tried first. Including getting to gether with like minded persons on the internet (like here) and becomig friends that way. I do know of several couples that met that way. And they have good marriages (1 divorce) I don't think anyone started in the various groups as a way to met singles. But because the group intrest them. The other, it just happened. singles, well.. they will be singles.. <wink>

Enjoy being signle first. Why rush things?

[SPKrazy]

26. So Now You're In The Lounge Anyhow

the place for the best advice there is

first of all, you say she's "pretty"

how pretty is she?

Where is this pretty Dem friend of yours?

Is she a DU'er?

Does she want to take me in?

:shrug: