Need a laugh? 25 Funniest Analogies from High School English Students

[racaulk]

The link below contains a collection of analogies that actual high school students made in their essays, papers, etc. They're hilarious, and a few are actually pretty clever. I was reading this at work and had to stop myself from laughing out loud!

Here are some of my favorites:

"He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it."

"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."

"Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze."

"They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth."

Enjoy, this is good stuff! It's good for a laugh!

http://writingenglish.wordpress.com/2006/09/12/the-25-funniest-analogies-collected-by-high-school-english-teachers/

:rofl:

[Fleshdancer]

1. Holy CRAP that's funny!

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

:rofl:

I LOVE this one!

[racaulk]

6. Oh yeah, I loved that one too!

That student must have just come from Math class! LOL

[crim son]

2. Alarmingly, I believe they are real!

"The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine."

Must have been a helluva shock! :rofl:

[otherlander]

3. Love the Kerrigan-teeth one.

Such a perfect description of where I live.
This one made me laugh:
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
>_<

[wildhorses]

4. some of that stuff is actually pretty good--

you know like i wish i had wrote it myself;)

[petronius]

12. Depending on the context, and what the writer was trying to say, some of these

could be excellent writing. The ATM and the ballerina for example - if the writer intended irony then these are perfect...

[ghostsofgiants]

5. Haha, some of these are great!

"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t."

[jobycom]

18. Famous Douglass Adam line

"The ships hung in the sky much as bricks don't."

I wonder if the student had read that, or came up with it on his own. Either way, many of these are damned clever. " John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met." :rofl:

[Arugula Latte]

7. Those sound like a Washington Post style section contest ...

Very funny, whereever they came from.

[skygazer]

8. My favorite

"The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work." :rofl:

[JackBeck]

9. That's some funny stuff you found there.

:thumbsup:

[Lethe]

10. the lame duck one is funny

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

[Cheney Killed Bambi]

11. LOL

Thanks for posting that! :hi:

[mike_c]

13. oh man that is funny....

Excellent!

[Kerrytravelers]

14. I hope this isn't from experience... but I fear it is:

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

:rofl:

[racaulk]

15. Kick

Shameless self-promotion for the Friday morning crowd. :)

:kick:

[ZombieNixon]

16. Oh, god, that's hysterical.

:rofl:

Thanks for that. I sent it to my mother the author. :D

[El Fuego]

17. Ha ha! Those are future Bulwer-Lytton contest winners.

:rofl:

[Deep13]

19. That's hilarious. Some of them are pretty insightful too.

[Mad_Dem_X]

20. My favorites:

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. (Sounds like something Stephen King would write; very good description)

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

[RubyDuby in GA]

21. Is our children learning?

I think I laughed the hardest at this one:

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

[sinkingfeeling]

22. That did make me laugh.

[Sequoia]

23. There goes my eyeliner!

Funny. Thanks for sharing.

[fizzgig]

24. i needed the laugh

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

:rofl:

[BreweryYardRat]

25. Oh, I like this one.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

[Goblinmonger]

27. One of my favorites, too.

It's like the poor kid was so happy to know a word like "wont" and thought the would be impressive. Oh, it's rich.

[texas1928]

26. This one is kind of gross... when you think about it.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

[racaulk]

28. OK, one more kick...

:kick:

[bigwillq]

29. HA! LOL!

Those are funny. :rofl:

[Suich]

30. LOL!

Thanks for posting this!!!

:rofl: :hi: