Excerpts from a dog's / cat's daily diary!!!!11!

[montanto]

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:


8:00 AM - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 AM - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 AM - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 AM - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts for a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies". I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....for now!

[idgiehkt]

1. hysterical

that is perfect! I love the dog one especially.

:rofl:

[skygazer]

2. That's a riot

I remember a book I found once called Barking At Prozac - it was the diary of a Beagle who suffered from depression. Every day was labeled "today" because he was a dog - he didn't know what the date was. It was quite cute - he and his buddies would get together by the dumpster and discuss issues.

In the end, he felt better but then discovered his person had been giving him heartworm pills instead of Prozac by mistake. :rofl:

[Kajsa]

3. I love It!

I can only add that my two feline furbabies
would complain

"The humans sleep at night when we are fully awake.
Being confined to the house at night has something to do
with an animal they call Kayoties. I've never seen one
so I think they're making it up.

But- if my brother or I continue to scratch and bang
on doors, it wakes them up. Loud meowing does the
trick,too."

:-)