I hate internet relationships

[billyskank]

Often they simply aren't real. I say this because sometimes they just come to an end abruptly. Just like that-

This has happened to me before. One day you are my friend, the next day I don't exist. No explanation. No further contact. Emails ignored. What is all that about?

This is bullshit. If someone was really your friend they wouldn't do this.

Well, no more. I am not getting into any more 'relationships' like that. I have had enough of bullshit. If a person isn't REAL to me, that means I have met them, speak regularly on the phone, actually have a genuine relationship, I am not going to assume anything that happens online really means anything.

[fizzgig]

1. hey you

:hug:

i know what you're going through

[Omphaloskepsis]

2. Ditto!!

From the other side of the pond..

[enigmatic]

3. Sorry, man

That sucks. Hang in there..

[Haole Girl]

4. I think I speak for many of us, when I say...

...I have been there. And, I know, first hand how very painful it can be. :hug:

Now...I really better get some sleep. I have to wake up in 4 and 1/2 hours....eek!!

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

5. Been there before ...

and it hurts just as much as if you knew the person offline.

[MissHoneychurch]

6. billy, I am sorry

:hug:

I feel your pain.

[emmajane67]

7. I'm Sorry.

:hug:

[Oeditpus Rex]

8. I know, man

I know.

It's hard to nurture a relationship when it's utterly dependent on the next e-mail or whatever.

:pals:

[ScreamingMeemie]

9. ...

:loveya:

Please don't think that way about everyone, billy.

:hug:

[bridgit]

10. hey G...

:)

[ScreamingMeemie]

13. Hiya!

How are you? :hi:

[bridgit]

18. oh, we're doing, world getting goofier by the minute but we're fine...

love to you & yours, sweets :hi:

[Bassic]

23. Hey MrsG!

:hi:

Nice to see you around the Lounge. :)

[ScreamingMeemie]

25. Hi Bassic!

:hi:

It's nice to see you too.

[bridgit]

11. i would think they could be troublesome if you're not careful...

[billyskank]

12. They're bogus

I am not playing this game again.

[ScreamingMeemie]

14. Edited, because I misunderstood.

:(

I sent you an email.

[billyskank]

17. I sent one back.

I was not referring to you.

[bridgit]

15. hubby told me a story bout one...

years ago met a gal, IM's back & forth, both artists, he further up north, she in San Diego, "Come on down" "I'd love to"

began to send items in advance, nothing big; but originals: art proposals, papers, parts of his portfolio, items meant/thought to establish an environ of good faith & intention...

the closer the day arrived she tightened to finally freeze in place...an emotionally frozen person

sticky, proactive measures taken to retrieve papers, layouts & proposals for important artworks...it was a mess, he was most glad he didn't send his guitar

if these folks to which you refer simply dried up and blew away, please consider it a well balanced resolution instead :hug:

[crispini]

16. Oy, been there done that got the shirt.

BUT, you know, it can happen ALSO with people whom you have met online and dated a few times in the flesh and they decided just to flake. Of course that's more a dating thing than a friend thing, but still. POOF. I mean, cowboy up and tell me you're not interested, or whatever.

True story, swear to GOD:
Met a guy online, a few dates in the flesh, he goes POOF. Now, this is after like DAILY IM sessions telling me I am hawt and so on. Whatever. Suck it up, move on.

Six months go by. I email him briefly to tell him something of interest I find on the internet about a medical condition his dog has, just to be kind. Next thing you know, we're back to the DAILY IM flirty flirty blah blah blah.

THEN... I tell him that I'm actually not all that interested in a "just friends with benefits" relationship, and that I am looking for someone who -- GASP! -- would actually like to hang out with me outside a bedroom!

He vanishes again.

EDITED! Men People are flakes. :(

[billyskank]

19. FWIW

I'm a man.

[crispini]

20. LOL. See edit.

:hug:

[Callalily]

21. So sorry that

you have to go through this pain. I know exactly how you feel. I hope that we can send you comfort and strength, enough to get you through this heartache. Just remember, we're all your friend here, and we're always here for you.

:hi: :loveya: :hug:

[Bassic]

22. So this happened to you very recently?

That sucks donkey balls, man. :(

[billyskank]

24. Is happening right now

:(

[Bassic]

26. This really sucks.

Hang in there man.

[alarimer]

27. This has happened many times to me

It has also happened with people I have met in person as well. We finally meet in person, after having emailed and whatever for a while. It seemed like we had a lot in common but after we meet, I never hear from him again. This has happened more times than I can count. It is disappointing either way.

I also thought one of my internet friends dropped me the other week but it turns out he had no internet access for a couple of weeks. I posted about it and everything. Boy is my face red now. :blush:

[Patiod]

48. I met SO before the internet took off

But I'm not sure I would ever be comfortable meeting guys on the internet since I'm 5'11". Guys THINK they can handle big girls, but most can't, even if they are tall themselves. And if they're on the short side, it's a disaster - bad enough when I was "on the market" and someone would approach me when I was sitting down, and I knew that the minute I stood up they would get a horrified look on their face and make an excuse to disappear. Didn't take it personally, but it got really old.

True story about mis-interpretations via internet: I introduced two friends of mine who communicated mostly via internet. They kept trying to set a time to meet in person so that he could teach her how to play squash. They finally found a good time, and she emailed him to say "can't make it - my aunt died."

A few weeks later, they set another date, and the day they were supposed to get together, he emailed her and said "can't make it - my aunt died".

She was FURIOUS. Absolutely raving mad. "How dare he!!! What a prick!!!! That is sick!! Sick!!! He's mocking me! That's a really long way to go to get back at me for something I couldn't help. My aunt did die. He is sick! And mean. That's just hateful! "

I called my SO, who worked with the guy, and without explaining the problem, asked him to put me through to the guy so I could talk to him myself. "I can't", my SO told me, "he's not in today - he's out the rest of the week because he has to fly out to California for a family funeral." Called my friend, and she was really embarrassed, too. Fortunately, she hadn't sent a reply.

[AirmensMom]

28. I'm so sorry, billy.

:cry:





:hug:

[billyskank]

29. I have to look after myself, AM

I have to learn to be less trusting online, because it is not good to go around naively getting into friendships with people I don't know. Many people are hiding things.

[MissHoneychurch]

31. I tell you one thing billy

MissAirmens is as nice and trustworthy in RL as she in online

:hug:

[billyskank]

33. I believe you.

[AirmensMom]

37. Thanks, MissHC.

And you are, too ... but I think billyskank already has discovered that. :hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

38. I just say what is true

and whoever has you as his/her friend can feel blessed. I know I do.

:hug:

[LaurenG]

32. You are a love and I'm so sorry

:loveya: :hug:

[AirmensMom]

36. You're right, billy.

:hug:

I just hope you don't stop interacting completely. :hug:

[SPKrazy]

30. That's Right!

I don't think it's very common to have a real internet relationship that works


but I feel for you and have been there

[crim son]

34. The internet seems to be a means by which people use one another,

sometimes. I had a relationship of many months IRL but when he chose to end it, he used the internet to string me along for seven months more, while avoiding seeing me physically. The last word, before I finally called him at home, was that it was never ended between us and that I was in his thoughts "every minute of every day." Meanwhile he had returned to his wife and was telling her he would never leave her. He could not have looked me in the face and lied for those seven months. The internet made his deception possible, and I am still heartbroken beyond repair.

You have all my empathy, billyskank.

[billyskank]

35. :(

:hug:

[Hugin]

44. It's yet another means of evasion...

*tsk*

I rarely take anything from anyone on the Internet or an unknown source at face value.

Probably sounds jaded and I suppose it is. But, I couldn't take any more disappointment
in my life.

[crim son]

69. Cynical is better than hurting.

Once I didn't think so but I've changed my mind.

[lizziegrace]

39. ...

:(

Not all internet relationships go sour. It's just that the odds are very much against us out here.

:hug:

I've always got a shoulder for you. :pals:

[kwassa]

40. Human beings are just flakes, in real life and on the internet.

If you live in a big city, "real" relationships can be hard to form because it is so easy to disappear. Phone calls don't get returned. Dates are broken. People don't respond.

I had the opposite happen; I met, and later married, someone I met on the internet. It has worked out great for us.

I'm sorry you are having such problems, as I have certainly been there, more so in real life than internet life.

[reyd reid reed]

41. ...

:hug::hug::hug:

[Left Is Write]

42. I was just thinking of you last night, wondering where you were.

:hug:

[Hugin]

43. A tough lesson I learned long ago...

But, I'm here for you Mr. Skank.

:hug:

[jpgray]

45. The problem is that some people will say things without really meaning them online

Those who are really honest about their feelings have a rough time with that. It would be a horrible shame if the misbehavior of a few abused someone out of that emotional honesty, which is a fantastic and wholly admirable thing.

:hi:

[Hugin]

46. I concur...

If it's something jpgray and I agree on... You'd better believe it's true.

:thumbsup:

[jpgray]

51. Ha! Do we not normally agree on things?

Or are we such wise people that our agreement should end all debate? :rofl: In any case I'm glad billyskank is getting some good advice on this thread, and it's only natural that a universally respected DUer would bring contentious folk like you and I together.

:D

[Magrittes Pipe]

58. I like you.

:hi:

[jpgray]

60. Same here. But is it really necessary for me to be naked during our IM conversations?

:shrug:

[Phillycat]

61. Oh dear, I'm so sorry, I've blundered into a private moment...

Carry on. :scared:

[Magrittes Pipe]

63. Thank Christ you don't have a webcam.

[jpgray]

64. I'm also unsure where to apply this "instant message conductivity ring" you bought me

[Magrittes Pipe]

65. No you're not.

[swimboy]

70. Wonder twins, activate!

[jpgray]

71. Which of us is the primal beast and which is the malleable, inert H20?

[swimboy]

74. Um, it takes physical contact to find out

that, or a Space Monkey. B-)

[wildhorses]

47. ---

:hug:
have you ever heard this song? simon and garfunkel did it. wish i could find it on youtube

I should have known you'd bid me farewell
There's a lesson to be learned from this and I've learned it very well
Now I know you're not the only starfish in the sea
If I never hear your name again, it's all the same to me

And I think it's gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball

You never care for secrets I confide
To you, I'm just an ornament, something for your pride
Always running, never caring, that's the life you live
Stolen minutes of your time were all you had to give

And I think it's gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball

The story's in the past with nothing to recall
I've got my life to live, and I don't need you at all
The roller coaster ride we took is nearly at an end
I bought my tickets with my tears, that's all I'm gonna spend

And I think it's gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball

And I think it's gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball
It's bouncing and it's shining like a red rubber ball

[La Lioness Priyanka]

49. me too. people in real life also take time working out issues.

instead of disappearing

[NewWaveChick1981]

50. I'm sorry, billyskank...

:hug: :pals: :loveya: I've had a couple of internet friendships that have faded away for whatever reason. In at least one case a year or so ago, that person was a little unstable, and I had to let it go (nobody from DU, thankfully). I have some good friendships on the 'Net, and I value them a lot (and that includes you, sweetie!). However, I do realize that talking to someone on the Internet is not the same thing as knowing someone in person. I'd love to get to know more of my Internet buddies in person, though! Distance can be a big obstacle, though.

:* :hug:

[BarenakedLady]

52. I'm sorry you are hurting billy

:hug:

I know exactly how you feel. It's not a pleasant place to be.

[Bunny]

53. Billy - who is doing this to you? Do you want me to organize a

posse and go administer an online beatdown? Who could possibly want to mess with you? I'm sorry you're going through this - here's a great big :grouphug:

[Shine]

54. I'm sorry you've had some bad experiences.

I totally get what you're saying. You're right, they're NOT "real" relationships, unless you meet IRL, as far as I'm concerned. That's when you get to test it out to see if the chemistry is there.

My sister met her man through the internet and now they're married with a kid and another on the way. Yes, successful connection does happen, but it takes both parties wanting to make it happen to make it a reality.

:hug: :loveya:

Hugs to you, sweetie.

[Connonym]

55. :hugs: yup, been there, done that and got the T shirt

We love you here at DU :grouphug:

[Radical Activist]

56. Its odd

And just because someone cybers with you and invites you to come see her, doesn't necessarily mean she wants to so much as hold your hand once you get there. And yes, she had seen a good picture of me before so there were no surprises there.

I wonder if the internet has become an outlet for those with intimacy issues who are afraid of getting close to anyone, as well as those who are shy.

[sakabatou]

57. I've gotten to the point

where if they break it or I break it, I don't really don't care that much. Maybe I just haven't met the right person.

[Phillycat]

59. I'm sorry, Billy. People really do seriously suck.

Friendship or love relationship?

[billyskank]

67. Neither, apparently.

I thought it was a love relationship. Apparently she didn't think much of it at all.

[Phillycat]

76. Blergh.

Yes, it's been my experience that it's not really "real" until you meet in person. And sometimes you're REALLY glad that it's not real, because you find out the other person just sucks...like your situation here. If she's so callous as to lead you to believe she felt more for you than she did, then you don't want her anyway, of course.

I'm sorry, kiddo. :hug:

[redqueen]

62. Awwwww

*cuddles you*

Also, what jpgray said.

[Deja Q]

66. That's happened to me. Same for real-world friendships too...

Just let it go. It hurts, but remember that it was never real and they're just playing a game and voila your hands are washed clean.

What else can one do? Forgive and move on...

I still miss the folks who play that game, but there's one still sends me xmas cards each year about how awesome his and his partner's lives are going. He'll still ask where I've been and how he's not heard back from me, then I reply, and hear nothing ever again until months later when he asks how I'm doing and that he's not heard back from him. And I know it ain't me because the latest venue was myspace. And he's logged on since and I wrote in two things that should have engendered a response. Open-ended questions, sometimes I do understand psychology...

Forget 'im. It's all you can do.

I've posted about this type of issue as well.

Again, there's nothing else you can do. And the next time they respond, let it go. Do not respond. Let them be. Let them simmer. Maybe they'll clock the simple fact one day... for not all people are reclusive.

[musiclawyer]

68. Hang in there

I met my SO on-line. But I disapeared and came back and then she did the same thing to me. After some fits and starts, we are together for good. All people come with issues. Some need to resolve them alone, others will not. If you are a decent person, the right person will find you on-line or not. On-line just makes it easier to go away. It's not a good thing, but it is. But on-line also makes it easier to find, and increases your odds exponentially. And that's good. So you take the good with the bad. That's life, and how a grown up needs to look at it.

[swimboy]

72. I'm sorry, billy

It is true one has to be more guarded than one might be inclined to be, but it's often that way in real life too.

I will never forget how you traveled so we could meet. :hug:

[idgiehkt]

73. They are tough.

This is tough. I have only tangential experience with this, and mostly less than positive. I have several friends who have met spouses over the internet, so I know that some good does come of internet relationships sometimes. My only experience with this, I developed feelings for someone while pm-ing back and forth over months, but I never quite could figure out what was going on on the other end. When I am puzzled about something, I do meditations on it, and each time I meditated on it I just could not feel myself in their heart. Because I couldn't feel myself in their heart at all, I could never even bring myself to send them a photo of me, even though I expressed my feelings. That was a lot of internal conflict going on for a long time, feeling strongly but having zero trust. It's really hard, and what is harder is when you are in the same internet environment and other people get involved and shots get taken based on misinformation and lies. In essence, when someone slanders you to cover their own behind, and then their minions take up arms, probably because they have feelings of their own about the person. Ultimately it is silly for third parties to get involved and factions to spring up...very junior high. Airing any of it publicly is probably a bad idea, but when one is lied about sometimes one feels the need to set the record straight. Of course I am only speaking about my own experience.

The thing is, nothing like this is EVER wasted. The way I look at it, we are attracted to the folks we are either because it is 'the big one' or because they have some quality or asset we desire in ourselves. So I have to ask myself, what do I desire for myself, for my own life, that this person has, that I think is out of my reach and want to be near to. One of my answers for this last debacle was education. And I know it, so I learned something about myself and it wasn't a total waste. Okay, I'll shut up. I wish both of you healing and hope that in time you'll find love and peace.

[speedoo]

75. I have been feeling the same way, for a while.

I'm not swearing off on-line relationships. Yet.

But, billy, you are the LAST person I expected to hear verbalize this.

Anyhow, I'm sorry you've been disappointed.:pals:

[OrangeCountyDemocrat]

77. Just Happened To Me Today...

Someone I had been speaking with for a few weeks who I met through a dating site. Multi-hour conversations, and everything sounded wonderful.

So stupid, stupid me, I bought a non-refundable ticket to have her come meet me. Today, after talking to a shrink, she tells me that she's suddenly scared and has changed her mind.

I managed to waste my time, emotions, and $200 on something I should not have gotten involved with. For the sake of love? LOL!!!

I'm going back to being single and miserable, and alone. At least it gives me time to focus on other pursuits, and not waste my money like I always seem to do with women.

[In_The_Wind]

78. It's sad when people let their fantasies hurt others!

:yourock:










psst ~ stay tuned for PMs :scared: I just joined another on-line dating site

[KitchenWitch]

79. Hey billy!

:hug:

[graywarrior]

80. I promise if I ever leave you, I'll send a fuck off notice.

Until then....you're stuck with me.

[u4ic]

81. Awww, billy...

:hug: :hug::loveya: :hug: :hug: :loveya: :hug: :hug: