Does it offend you if someone you respect calls you stupid?

[Flaxbee]

I have an ongoing discussion with someone near and dear who insists "stupid" is just a word, and that really, "stupid" people tend to be much happier (unaware of all the world's troubles), and why do we all invest so much into our notions of intelligence/smarts/etc.? That isn't feeling "smart", or labeling yourself "smart" a way to put others down (like the much dreaded "we're the most powerful country on the earth!!!!" comment)? But then again, "smart" isn't necessarily the opposite of "stupid", or it doesn't have to be.

While I can see the point, the argument, this friend of mine is making, I still think it stings to be called "stupid" -- but only by someone who knows you. Who really cares if it's just a random person, right? But if a parent, sibling, good friend, spouse said you were "too stupid to notice", wouldn't that hurt? Even if the person who said it is the same one who insists that it has no real meaning, or rather, that it shouldn't matter?

What do you think?

[pitohui]

1. of course it's offensive to be called stupid

i don't feel you're obligated to respect somebody that rude

parents who call their kids stupid are extremely destructive and often get what they deserve -- a kid who gets revenge by spending their twenties living for free in the parental basement -- who's stupid now? :-)

siblings you just got to put it down to sibling rivalry and ignore them

a spouse who throws around terms like "stupid" needs a wake-up call because this is grounds for divorce, mental cruelty as far as i'm concerned

[Flaxbee]

2. yeah, I think it's destructive, too

and if I didn't have such an iron-clad sense of self-worth (instilled by parents who hated each other but loved me) I'd be having a much harder time than I am now.

It is one thing to argue that words need to have some of their destructive power removed from them -- loaded words have caused so much pain and it'd be nice if they weren't so harmful. But then again, language does have MEANING - it's how we all communicate - so pretending that words can't wound is disingenuous.

We're all taught "sticks and stones... but words can never harm me". Though I don't think that's necessarily true. I guess that little childhood ditty is mostly trying to prevent playground brawls -- words vs. words, you don't get into physical fights over an insult.

Insults and harsh criticism can do a hell of a lot of damage. And can be much more insidious. It's obvious that there's abuse if you're punched in the face, but if you're routinely belittled it is much easier to brush off as unimportant.

Ramble, ramble.

[philosophie_en_rose]

3. I'm not offended, as much as hurt.

More sad than angry.

:shrug:

With that said, you've got to consider the source. Are you being stupid? Are they being stupid? :shrug:

[Flaxbee]

7. yeah, sad too.

I'm a very literal person, unfortunately. so sometimes I don't get a joke or turn of phrase. But it's said more if I've misunderstood something, rather than been "stupid". I am probably hypersensitive about being called "stupid" and that's my own particular problem, but I still think it stings. And it also depends entirely on the tone of voice or how it's said.

I dunno. I didn't grow up being called names. My dad is a shrink so perhaps there was more touchy-feely positive emotion stuff going on in the house, but still...

[XemaSab]

4. Depends on the context

Smart people can do stupid things, but there's a difference between calling someone's action or actions stupid and calling a person stupid.

If someone I respected called me stupid, yeah I would be hurt by it.

If someone I didn't respect called me stupid, I can usually just blow that off.

[SeattleGirl]

5. I hate being called (or treated as if I'm) stupid.

It's one of the worst things someone can say to me.

[skygazer]

6. I'm offended when anyone calls me stupid

And I'd have a hard time respecting someone who did so. When it's someone who doesn't know me, they're making assumptions and when it's someone who does, they're insulting me. Both are wrong.

Words may be "just words" but they have power beyond their simplicity. That's what makes language what it is, after all. In the case your friend uses as an example, "stupid" is a poor word choice anyway, since what he/she is saying is more that uneducated or unaware people may be better off, etc.

What I think is that this person doesn't sound like much of a friend.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

8. Worse than offended...

I lose a degree of respect for them.

[enigmatic]

9. I wouldn't call anybody I respected "stupid"

It's not my thing.

[Xipe Totec]

10. Yes and no

I have an exceedingly high opinion of myself.

So much so, that I tend to dismiss the opinions others have of me.

On the subject of me, I believe there is only one expert: Me.

You should cultivate such an attitude as well.

If you disagree with me on this, well, what can I say...

:hide:

[Flaxbee]

11. no, I agree with you.

And normally I don't really care. I know I'm not stupid. But what if your husband or wife called you stupid? Relatively regularly? Even though you know you're not, would it not hurt? You might not take the epithet to heart, but it might make you sad. What do you think?

[Xipe Totec]

12. In my opinion?

You need to trade up.

You deserve better.

[Flaxbee]

14. sigh.

I agree. But it's really hard.

thanks.

[skygazer]

13. I would consider that abuse

If I'd registerred my discomfort with it and my spouse continued to do so, that would count as abuse in my book. It's just plain wrong to push a person's buttons like that.

[Flaxbee]

15. we'll see if there are any changes

and then I've got some hard thinking to do...

[skygazer]

16. I'm sorry Flaxbee

Those are very hard situations to deal with. I hope you can solve it. :hug:

[Left Is Write]

17. I'd be offended if anyone called me stupid.