Why Can't Andre Agassi be Like Jesus Christ!?

[Schema Thing]

Post Background:

I found this under a thread titled: "Why Can't Oprah Be More Like Andre Agassi?" on another discussion board. This particular discussion board caters primarily to men, and more specifically black men who appreciate the :ahem: art form of the female body. And/or porn.

Anyway, it seems Oprah recently started a school for girls in S. Africa, with great fanfare and apparently a verbal gaffe to the effect that "inner city african-americans would be ungrateful or unappreciative" (I'm only taking this from the context of the comments in the thread that I reference above). Meanwhile, Andre Agassi started, a few years back, and with little apparent fanfare, a k-12 "college prep" school for inner city children.

I find both of their actions commendable and worthy of further research, but that's not why I'm posting the below. I'm posting the following because it is one of the frickin' funniest things I've come across in a long time. Enjoy:

Why Can't Andre Agassi be Like Jesus Christ!?

OR

Agassi built a school an all but that dude could stand to be more like Jesus for real. No miracles, no new age testimony, no disciples, nothin. Muhfucka can barely use a hammer and saw himself (you know he contracted OUT to build the school), he surely ain't no fuckin Jesus-level carpenter. Jesus faced the Devil by himself and came out of that shit unscathed. This fool Agassi just lost to to Benjamin Becker, ranked 112th in the world!!!!!! And he cried afterwards!!! Gimme a fuckin break. And thats how he ended his career!! No trial!!! No tribulation!! No cross!!!! Oh my fuckin god!! What a pussy...building a school aint shit. How hard is that to negotiate? All it takes is money and some phone calls. Jesus renegotiated the eternal fate of all humanity!!!! Till this nigga dies for the sins of man, he can eat a dick for real.


And fuck Oprah for that matter, she's responsible for shit load of charitable donations through that god-forsaken "Angel" network she started, and built homes in that den of sin New Orleans, and dropped forty million on a school to educate a bunch of heathen south african girls (with generations to come). But the bitch ain't got shit on Mary...she don't have ANY kids at all! If she wanna do some good in the world, she should fuck our Mighty Lord and birth Jesus 2.0: The Second Coming. Anything short of that and Oprah can eat a shit-sandwich for real.

And fuck anybody who got a problem with it. Yall just a bunch of brainwashed morons who worship celebrities that don't give a fuck about you. Its all about the image, Agassi wanna sell cameras, Oprah wanna sell herself. The motives of people who do good in the world should always be questioned, especially by those who have done nothing comparable. Just like Jesus said: Always, my sons, look a gift horse in the mouth. (Book of Idiots; Ch: 1, Verse: Bgol)

[thefool_wa]

1. WOW! Scathing!

And more than a little over the top.

The guy who posted this needs to realize that the only people to ever be like Jesus and Mary are, well, Jesus and Mary - the rest of us are just doing the best we can with what God gave us (including Oprah and Andre)

At least it was good for a laugh :)

on edit: did you say this came from a porn discussion board? I hope the original poster of these comments appreciates the subtle irony there :)

[Schema Thing]

2. I'm fairly certain you missed the spirit of his words.

spiritual people tend to do that alot.

:zing:! sorry, that was scathing, lol. :evilgrin:

[thefool_wa]

3. WTF is that supposed to mean?

I'm not saying he's completely wrong, to an extent, but come on. Agassi and Oprah are doing good and if that's not good enough for this guy, well who died and made him judge of other people and their intentions?

Its not very christian to look at someone's good works and question their motivations or condemn them for not doing more, a matter of spritiuality this guy obviously overlooked.

I think I got the point just fine: Agassi is an ass because he didn't drive every nail in the school himself and Oprah is a bitch for daring to try and improve life in another country. Its not like these are the only charities these people conduct or give to, and no one compared them to Jesus and Mary except this guy.

Am I still missing the point?

[Schema Thing]

4. Yes.

You are in fact, missing the point by a measurement of exactly 180 degrees, from my read. You mentioned irony earlier, I don't think the original writer needs any lessons in it.

[thefool_wa]

8. Ah, I see

so I was missing the point - even your attempts at applying context apparently screamed right by my irony detectors...

now I feel like a doof :silly:

:dunce:

[Schema Thing]

11. meh... don't worry about it. I know how it goes...

once you look at anything one way, even if you're completely off base, it's really hard to switch gears in your thinking, because you're assuming "I've got it, by george!".

I do this myself sometimes. We all do.

:toast: cheers!

[xchrom]

5. hysterical!

[FedUpWithIt All]

6. Nice!

(Book of Idiots; Ch: 1, Verse: Bgol)

:rofl:


:hi: AT

[Schema Thing]

7. God I wish your name was Kay ;)

So you could be Kay-Fedupwithit All


:P~~



:hug: happy sunday KFed!

[FedUpWithIt All]

10. :P

you are no longer my friend. :spank:

Don't...please don't. ;) LOL!

:hug: Happy Sunday to you!

[SKKY]

9. What's your sexual tension with Andre???

[Schema Thing]

12. He married the woman whose hips, thighs, and legs

most informed my personal book-of-lust. Hell, I even like her nose. I've been chasing tennis skirt ever since. That people used to say I looked like him when I first began clipping my hair really short, only makes the tension worse.