Looking for a book on caring for elderly parents

[sbj405]

Anyone have a recommendation. My grandmother moved closer to my parents about 2 years ago. She's currently in the hospital and may not be able to return to living on her own. I'll looking for a book for my mom - more about the legal/necessary steps as opposed to dealing with the emotional aspects. thanks.

[Flaxbee]

1. I don't know of any books off-hand...

though there are probably resources in the county your parents live in, elderly advocate services, state health and welfare offices, etc. Are your parents/grandma in a biggish city/town, or rural?

Do you think your grandma will be going into assisted living, or a nursing home? Or moving in with your parents? If your grandma has assets, etc., then it might be wise to have your parents obtain a power of attorney for your grandma in case she becomes/is becoming mentally incapacitated. You'll also want to have your parents look into medical powers of attorney (medical is different from financial) so that they can make decisions about her care if she is incapacitated.

It can be daunting at first. Maybe even look to see if there's a Nolo Press book on aging/legal matters. My sisters and I had to help my mom transition into assisted living, and deal with all the financial woes as her assets ran out, get her on Medicaid and Medicare, etc. Your parents will DEFINITELY need to do more than read a book because the rules and regs are so complicated and confusing - books only help with the general guidelines. If they can afford an attorney, that's great. There are also often attorneys or nonprofits who specialize in elder law issues, so you can do some research to find an organization that might be able to help provide forms, etc.

PM me if you'd like.

[sbj405]

3. Thanks.

She likely won't move in with my parents since their house has a lot of stairs. She is very resistant to any type of help. Two years ago when she moved up, she refused to consider a senior apt community.

My mom is looking at getting the med power of attorney, because right now the doctors won't even talk to her. Grandma has bad hearing and doesn't understand a lot of stuff.

[pitohui]

2. have you checked nolo.com?

my parents are far well-to-doer than i so i haven't checked into it but they are usually a good website to check for DIY legal info

[zanne]

4. Is it a physical illness or something like Alzheimer's?

My mom had Alzheimer's and, among the many books out there on the subject, the best one by far is "The 30 Hour Day". I forget the name of the author, but it would be easy to find. It's a book for family caregivers.

[Midlodemocrat]

5. Okay. I went through this with my dad.

If she CAN'T return to living on her one, you need to insist that her doctor place her in a nursing home. There is a nursing home link on the cms site that ranks them which is really helpful.

More than likely, she will be discharged to the closest available 'rehab' facility at which point she will have 100 days where Medicare will pay the bill for her 'therapy'. If she is not improving, as my dad wasn't, they will switch her from 'short term' to 'long term'.

Important things to know that they won't tell you. Once your grandmother is admitted to a facility, they CANNOT kick her out. So, if she is short term and needs to go to long term and they tell you they don't have a bed, tell them the one she is occupying will do just fine. It's simply a matter of billing, not the physical location of the bed.

PM me if you want to know more. I could friggin' write a book myself.