My girlfriend just kicked me out...what to do...

[zappa_parappa]

So my girlfriend just kicked me out of her apartment and forced me to drive home at 5 AM...Over an ex-girlfriend, which normally I can understand, but me and her have been broken up for almost 3 years now...

Thing is...my ex asked me when we broke up a long time ago, not to tell her whats going on as far as if I'm seeing anyone new and what not...which I respected...so now 3 years later, my new girlfriend accuses me of leading my ex on by not telling her we're together..

She says until I get my shit between her and me straightened out, I should stay away from her...

I just don't get it...

[SeattleGirl]

1. Me either.

Sounds like the current girlfriend might have some issues with insecurity.

[zappa_parappa]

2. Haha, funny enough...when i said the word insecurity...

thats the exact moment she asked me to leave...so that seems like the deal...

[BlueIris]

3. I'm with SeattleGirl on this one.

Yikers. Um, if I were you, I'd stay away from your current GF for a while. A long while.

[zappa_parappa]

4. well this is our first argument ever...so im willing to forgive

I came home tonight, and now I'll wait for her to call me and apologize(I'll give her the benefit of the doubt cuz she drank alot before hand), but if she doesn't, I'm going to take that as a huge warning signal and try to move on. Sucks, cuz I really like her, but this kind of crap shouldn't happen.

[crispini]

5. How long have you been dating your current GF?

And how old is she?

Here's the thing: I think insecurity is actually fairly common among some young women. Is she too insecure? Maybe. But have you done or said anything to make her feel insecure? Have you said or done anything to make her feel secure? What's "the rest of the story" here? We don't really know her side of it, we just know your side of it.

It is quite possible that she really could be insecure, but in that case, it's not something that you're going to jolly her out of.... it's something that she's going to have to work her way out of, and if you're interested in staying with her, you're going to have to figure out how to work around it.

[zappa_parappa]

6. I've been dating her 2 months now and shes 35

I'm 26...she didn't strike me as insecure at all, until this incident, and I don't think I did anything to make her feel that way, but it feels like shes threatened by this other woman, even though I've assured her theres no chance of us dating again. I guess i'll just leave it alone and hope she gets out of it, not sure what else I can do.

[Cruzan]

13. There's also a potential issue of power dynamics here

What your girlfriend did was flat out irrational but there's the chance that if you let it slide and grovel back to her with your tail between your legs that she may conclude that what she did was somehow acceptable since she seems to have gotten away with it. And once there's that kind of perceived power disparity who knows where it will lead. Look, she did wrong, big time. And you must calmly and rationally make that clear to her so it sinks in, with maybe also a small apology on your part, if only as a token concession. After that, walk away. It will then be, as it must be, up to her to come back to you if she wants the relationship to continue, with a big apology on her part, because you absolutely can't let her get away with this.

[RetroLounge]

14. The key here is how old is your ex-gf?

My guess is your current is scared of a younger woman and insecure.

RL

[BarenakedLady]

15. That was my thought as well.

I know that if I were ever involved with a younger man *cough* I would probably be very insecure.

[RetroLounge]

17. *cough*

:9

RL

[BarenakedLady]

18. *ahem*

Not that I would have occasion to do such a thing. :evilgrin:

[RetroLounge]

19. ...

:evilgrin:

:rofl:

RL

[BarenakedLady]

20. What?

Has my reputation for being a suburban (ok rural) cougar gotten out to the masses? :rofl:

[RetroLounge]

21. Your reputation precedes you...

:roar:

:9

RL

[BarenakedLady]

22. I prefer

*RAWR* myself. :rofl:

[RetroLounge]

24. *Grrrrrr*

:D

RL

[carlydenise]

29. I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR.........:) nt

Carly

[Heidi]

7. What you should do is get some rest.

It sounds like alcohol may have loosened your girlfriend's inhibitions about revealing an insecurity. Tomorrow, when you're rested and she's sober, might be a good time to talk with her rationally. :hug:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

8. This post reminded me why I would rather me single .

Not really but damn , hope everything gets better .

[Bassic]

9. That's insecurity, clearly.

Give her some time, and she'll call you to straighten things out.

[FedUpWithIt All]

10. Do you still spend a lot of time with your ex? n/t

[zappa_parappa]

11. Nope, I see her maybe once every 3 or 4 months

And usually its just to babysit the dog we had when we were together.

[radwriter0555]

12. So tell the ex gf about the new gf... then, it's moot. And if the current gf wants you to stop

being friends with the ex gf, and you love her, stop seeing the ex gf.

[Maddy McCall]

25. Yep.

:thumbsup:

[zappa_parappa]

33. Nah, I don't care how much i love someone

I don't let them make demands about who I can and can't see.

[leftofthedial]

16. don't try to figure out what she is thinking

that way lies madness

[cobalt1999]

27. LOL

You're right though.

[Bullwinkle925]

23. Sorry to say, but ......

this woman definitely has issues and really needs to get 'her' shit together. In my way of thinking, you're better off without having to deal with that kind of baggage.
Good luck!
BW925

[liberal hypnotist]

26. This is good!

Obviously, you were being cool about a past relation. Every girl and women hates to hear about past relationships, especially cool,exciting ones. I learned to tell new female interests that I've been gay until I met them. They seem to like that.

[hedgehog]

28. Maybe it's as simple as she doesn't want to buy you a Christmas present

and this gets her out of doing so.

[carlydenise]

30. I would not call her...............

let her call you.....as long as your ex is in the picture you will go through this every time you babysit the dog. Alcohol sometimes makes one say stuff that usually wouldn't come out if no alcohol was invovled. If this is your first argument, then it was probably just a freak thing, if it happens again, I would be worried about the future of this relationship.

[NC_Nurse]

31. Everybody has issues.

You want a relationship, you deal with the issues. If this relationship is important to you, you will tell your ex about this current GF.
Whether it makes sense to you or not, it's important to her. When you need her to respond to your emotional issues, if she values your relationship she will.
So it goes.
Obviously, if someone has MAJOR issues then you can't always comply with their requests. This doesn't sound like one of those cases to me. You still interact wirth this ex, you still
take care of the dog you shared....I can see why she feels it's important to make sure you're ready to move on. If your ex's feelings are more important to you then you haven't finished with her yet, or you aren't that invested in your new GF.

[Merrick]

32. How did your current GF extract this info from you?

Please don't tell me you disclosed this detail voluntarily. Please. If so, you're at least partially to blame for electively revealing information about your ex other than the most mundane, benign variety of tidbits once every blue moon. On the other hand, whether your current GF pulled this information from you through Stalinesque interrogation techniques or not, her response (including the way she told you not to call, that she'd call you - putting you in an obseqious position) makes her sound like she's the insecure-domineering-possessive type that should instil a healthy dose of apprehension even if you do stay together.

[BikeWriter]

34. I always give them a house, then years later they tell you...

leaving you was the worst mistake of their life and they'll always love you. :shrug:

[astral]

35. Well, here's the other side of the coin . . .

--- you broke up with your ex girlfriend three years ago
--- you see her every month or two to babysit the dog
--- she does not know you have a new girlfriend

Think about it.