Holiday Drama

[mad-mommy]

I went grocery shopping yesterday at wal-mart (yes, wal-mart, the only grocery store near us), went to the seasonal and toy section just to look, and it was worse than black Friday. I have already had it.

Our kids & nieces & nephews totals 8. Our siblings & Sig. Others total 10. Then there's parents, aunts & uncles, cousins, and that number goes really high. Last year, I called everyone and said we are only buying for the kids, and there was no obligation to our kids. This yr. will do the same, but I still feel crummy about it. Frankly, as adults...there is nothing we really need, and for us to try and buy wanted and useful items for our family/adults is a nightmare. It wasn't so much the money factor, it's the pure nightmare of shopping. I do give a personal meaningful gift to my siblings, something I make up that is inexpensive.

This is what happens in our house, both kids have a b-day in November & they get lots of stuff, because of our large family. Then Christmas rolls around, and it just seems like so much.

I just read on several websites that most people think one gift for a birthday and $100.00 total for holiday gifts, is more than enough.

At my son's party , he rec'd a pair of jeans, and his friend said, clothes are boring and said, what's next? I was a bit shocked. My son didn't say it, so I couldn't say anything.

I remember as a kid at x-mas, we rec'd items of necessity-clothing & maybe 2 -3 toys and were thrilled. We really appreciated everything.

I sit here and realize all of the stuff we have accumulated, mostly from what we rec'd from our large family. This time of year, I bag up some the baby's gently used toys...donating to charity, same for my older son's things.

Hubby & I just had a talk, I think the holidays & society in general have really gotten out of control, including my own family. He doesn't agree with me because all year we live on a tight budget, and say no to ourselves and our kids to many things. And just because our kids b-days are close to the holiday, it shouldn't matter. Yes, I understand that. But how can any kid, my own, and the others, really appreciate a toy or game, when they get so much stuff??? My idea of scaling down Christmas-our own and the gift exchanging rec'd from the family- to several gifts is an issue. hubby isn't too thrilled about it, and my brother wants to do the BIG thing, and my sister wants to scale down too. The others don't even have kids, and will go along with the final decision.

I grew up in a large family and we didn't have a lot of money, he grew up with one sibling & both parents had good jobs. I can see where our differences come into play.

we do teach our kids about being appreciative, and are firm in saying no to a lot of things all the other kids get to buy and do. There is a lot of focus on family, faith, others/charity at Christmas & all year here...just so you all know that we aren't all just about the gifts.

So, just curious, what you all do for the holidays? The kids, the immediate family, the extended family? Do you limit by money or buy # of gifts or both?

[tigereye]

1. well, there is only one kid (ours)

in our immediate family. So the kid gifts aren't an issue. Everyone else in my and my husband's immediate family declined to breed. ;)

A couple of years ago, I proposed a grab-bag for the adults ( we really don't need a lot more stuff, that's for sure) and we pick names at Thanksgiving dinner. It has been a lot less stressful since then. And then I just have to get something for my husband, my kid and one relative.

[mad-mommy]

2. Would you like to adopt....

me ?

If the adults would do a grab bag or name in hat, that would be ok with me, but no one ever wants to do that. I swear adults can be worse than children.

I think I have found a solution for the kids at the family gathering thing, as the squabbling is getting on my nerves. I am just going to buy a few extra gifts for my own kids to open up at my dad's, end of story. If my brothers and sisters want their kids to have something to open at dad's, they can do the same. My dad always gives us money to buy gifts for our own kids from him, and that works out well. We all have the same amount of kids in each family. As far as my bros and sis who don't have kids, they are under no obligation to buy for my kids. At our own home, we have finally agreed that setting a budget and whatever it works out to in the end will be fine.

[tigereye]

3. gps and aunts and uncles usually bought my son presents

we opened them here (we do X-mas eve dinner) and then we go out to my parents for the final unveiling of the grab-bag gifts.) He's 10 now so it's mostly gift certificates or sports adn other vid games, plus some books.

As for the adults, we kept telling out mom "we're all over 40, we don't need each need presents from you anymore.") There were few complaints about the grab-bag, although one of my brothers really enjoyed getting things for everyone and misses it. But we were beseiged with people on both sides of the family to buy for, and this decision was a boon.


PS. I tease my son that we are going to adopt a kid - that's funny. He is not thrilled at the prospect. ;)

[bluethruandthru]

4. We need to keep a lid on it.

My husband and I have been terrible in the past with our two girls. We spend way too much! Anyway, one is now in college and the other is in high school so they're fine with getting less... the problem is, the one or two things they want are very expensive. Laptops, digital cameras, cars!!
Not to mention one of them has a December birthday!
Luckily, we don't have alot of other family to buy for.

[Haole Girl]

5. You are so right, when you say...

...holidays & society in general have really gotten out of control.

I was so embarrassed, for our society, when I saw the newscast about the stampede and chaos in the stores over the PS3. Can you imagine, people visiting from other countries, seeing that on our news? And, for all we know, the BBC picked it up.

Meanwhile, there was a very brief news segment last night about the "Secret Santa" (in Kansas City....http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/4345192.html). I wish people could be more interested in stories like his, instead of materialistic concerns.

Let's hope people take the time to enjoy the lights, hot cocoa, and a crackling fire...and maybe set aside quiet time to reflect about the past year...and give their loved-ones hugs...often.

Hope your holidays are nice...despite the craziness!

Oh, and BTW, your friend's son, who made that snide remark, needs a good lecture...what a brat.

[mad-mommy]

6. I just...

emailed that story to everyone on my email list. Thank you for sharing that.

[Haole Girl]

7. No problem...

[crim son]

8. The adults in my extended family (includes my parents, sisters,

grandparents, BILs etc) essentially draw a single name, so each one of us gets only one present per year. We do not exchange for the many neices and nephews, but buy presents for our own children. In the past my husband and I exchanged gifts of varying luxury depending on our financial circumstances. This year we won't be exchanging, obviously. But we keep it to a minumum and try to focus on the traditions surrounding the holiday. We aren't christian but we do the tree etc. It's about time together; not about the gifts.

[mad-mommy]

9. putting...

putting the money factor aside, you also have to deal with the time involved in finding the "right" gift. This year, I want to enjoy time with my family and not being rushed and then the holiday comes and goes.

[wildhorses]

10. we have scaled way back--

all this consumerism is ridiculous!! :puke:

[seabeyond]

11. adults dont buy for each other. none of us want or need. i dont feel

bad. just for the kids. and last year was the last of the big. they are of age, where we are cutting way back. last year i saw kids didnt have a lot of wants, no needs.... s really money. oldest still has most of his money from last christmas and all of his bday. youngest still has some. they buy there toys when they want, if there is something they want. all an exercise on being responsible with money and spending

christmas for us is really about love and enjoying and being together

[Midlodemocrat]

12. Same with our family. I will make a donation in my brothers' families'

names, but I only purchase gifts for the kids.

[some guy]

13. I think you should send hubby shopping

if he wants to do the big holiday thing, let him, but it has to be him that does the shopping and wrapping. Tell him you'll be happy to append your name to the gift tags. :)

That's what holiday shopping usually turns out to be - the wives do all the shopping and stressing.

In my family, we draw names. Put your name in, draw someone else's. That's it. Generally, one gift, and there is a $ limit, but I don't remember what that is, maybe $50. or possibly less.

[mad-mommy]

14. visions of reckless spending dance in my head...

that's what would happen. LOL. Anyway, an agreement has been made. Scaling back.

[bumblebee1]

15. My Christmas list

This year, my 16mo old grandniece and newborn grand nephew will be getting an outfit and pajamas for Christmas.

The older grand nieces and nephews will be getting some candy, cookies and gift cards from McDonald's and either Rita's or Bruster's Ice Cream. I will also throw in some holiday pencils and erasers. That way, they can use it whenever they want.

For my sister and brother-in-law, they will be getting a calendar with photos of newfies and a $25 gift card from Wawa's. If calendar is not available, maybe a gift card from Ruby Tuesday's. They like to eat out alot, so the gift cards to different restaurants are quite appreciated by them. For the past couple of years, they've gotten gift cards to: Olive Garden, Old Country Buffet, Red Lobster.

For the adult nieces and nephew: breakfast kits from Figi's.

For my husband, a gift card from Subway. I'll also ask him if there's anything in particular that he wants.