Found ex-lover online - Classmates, anyone have experience

[zizzer]

Hi, I get spam from www.classmates.com about once a week and I had signed up with their free registration thing. I have over the past few years..is it realy that long...entered information about people I used to know.

Today, I got spam from them and uncharectoristcly checked the listings and their she was. I must admit to being a tad freaked out. It ended a LONG time ago and badly.

I'm now married and I will be talking to my wife about this tonight but my question is:

Has anyone ever had a good experience looking up an old flame that fizzled? Any experiance with www.classmates.com?

Zizzer

[Character Assassin]

1. Why would you talk to your wife about this?

You're married now. That old relationship ended in flames. You haven't had any contact with your ex since then.

Why stir up trouble and look up an old flame with whom it ended poorly when you have a new flame (and she's wearing a ring)?

Let it go, compadre.

[berner59]

5. found my 1st best friend....

Had a great experience by finding her...you never forget your 1st friend so this was great... I joined the stupid thing though which is a crock, you can't get actual emails, you have to work through the site so it depends if the other person picks up their notice from Classmates or junks it... What you can get is some info on people, like married names or where they're living, then you could just search white pages...

[Character Assassin]

7. Yes, but he's talking about a ex-lover, not a former friend

There is a world of difference. When one is married, there is an entire galaxy of difference.

[zizzer]

12. Why would you talk to your wife about this?

Because I love and trust her and would want her to know that I came across this information.

Do you never wonder? DO you never find yourself thinking of some of the good times you had and hope that the people from your past are doing well, happy?

I sure hope that sometimes, the people that I think of sometimes, also sometimes think of me.

I have no desire to start some relationship with this woman again, jsut curious about how she is doing.

Zizzer

[BiggJawn]

21. Wait a minute....You found out an old flame is still alive ...

...and you're gonna "Confess All"???

Why? you didn't pursue contact with this woman. She didn't drop you a line. She has NO idea you know she's still alive?

And you want to tell your wife about this?

Tell me, Zizzer, do you unburden yourself to your wife if you have "Impure Thoughts" about the perky carhop with the nice ass at the Dog n' Suds?

Don't tell your wife. Don't pursue contact with your past.

Me personally, I not only burn my bridges, but I dynamite the adbutments and re-landscape the approaches...

Your guilt is palpable, even through this board.

[MuseRider]

2. I have

It bothered my husband for a while but I showed him the e mails and he is OK with it. My old guy lives several hours away so I never see him but we still have many mutual friends. It has been very nice, we talk about mudane stuff and politics. My husband was looking for his ex wife and found out that she had commited suicide 10 years before so you have to be a bit careful if you are not ready to hear that kind of news. He was devastated for a while. Anyway, if you are up front about it your wife might understand. Sex does not mean that you didn't share other things that might mean even more now a days.

[zizzer]

13. Oh, I see

So you were honest, talked about it, had a chance to catch up with someone from your past.

Hmm... I think I will tread lightly though, seems people have some very strong feelings on this. I wonder if I have misjudged what I expect my wifes to be.

Zizzer

[gWbush is Mabus]

3. ...

if you have a need to look up an old flame,

you should have never married this other person.

[Throckmorton]

4. A former lover and I hooked up on classmates for a chat

Christ High School was a long time ago.

Then again, he did come out of the closet

[mac56]

6. I'd never do it, either through classmates.com or otherwise.

Occasionally I've become curious about the whereabouts of past flames, but decided I just don't need the additional drama in my life or my marriage.

There's a reason she's your ex, zizzer, and it's probably a good one.

Add on edit: If you're meant to cross paths with an old flame, it'll happen without any special effort on your part to help it along...

[zizzer]

14. good point

why does the fact that it's on the Internet remove the posability of serindipity though?

It seems like the weird stigma of finding a lover online.

Zizzer

[catmandu57]

8. Yes and no

I found an old friend I went to school with and that was good, we get together a few times a year so I like that. Now, the bad news is I did find an old used to be, it blew up in my face long ago and time hasn't changed any facts she's still the same and I wish I had left well enough alone, so, I would echo let it alone. Those people are back there for a reason, leave her there.

[bif]

9. Cyberstalker

An old flame found me through there and started cyberstgalking me. I had to change my email address. Scared the crap out of my. I had visions of "Fatal Attraction" running through my mind. Yikes!

[zizzer]

17. Yeah well...

I can only imagine her reaction...

Things didn't end well and I think I owe her an appology or two.

Zizzer

[Imalittleteapot]

10. Found my first kiss - 7th grade,

then got suckered into the Classmates fee so I could email him.
John replied as a Born Again Christian Fundamentalist and witnessed to me. Some things are better left in the past.

[trof]

11. sorta

Had a girlfriend in college that I really liked.
I mean BESIDES...um...you know.
;-)
She was smart and witty and we could talk for hours. I got along great with her parents and they even talked about taking me in to the family business after graduation. We were "pinned" (awwww) for a while, but I was far from ready to settle down , and neither was she, and we went our separate ways. About 3 years out of college we ran in to each other, had a one night stand (luverly) and once again moved on.

Eventually I got domesticated enough to pair up for good, and along came Mrs. t. in 1968, and she's in the living room ironing right now.

Over the years I kinda kept tabs on my former GF through mutual friends. She went on to a very successful career. Never married. My fault? I flatter myself.

In my early 40s I was periodically going to spend some time in her hometown (Miami) on business. The first night I was there, on a curious whim, I looked up her name in the phone book, and there she was. I chickened out.

On the next trip I girded myself with some Dutch courage (Johnny Walker Red) and called her. We talked for a couple of hours about old times and catching up on each other's lives. Are you married? No. Would she like to meet me for a drink? Not able right then.

When I got home I told Mrs. t. about it. Over the years we've talked about old girl and boyfriends, so she was familiar with the name. I asked her if she would mind if I saw the lady. I was just really curious to see what she looked like, talk some more, etc. Mrs. t. said she understood perfectly and was fine with it.

Next trip I called and asked her out to dinner. Not a good idea. ??? How about meeting for breakfast? I said fine.
We met and talked through breakfast until almost noon. She was even more gorgeous than 20 years ago. Why didn't you ever get married? Some guy is missing out on a swell...etc. etc. Well...because I'm a lesbian. Well blow me down. She had inklings when we were dating, but not full blown until she'd been out of college for 4 or 5 years. Had a SO she'd been with for the last 10 years. I told her I was glad she was happy.

p.s. It wasn't until Mrs. t. and I were talking about this a few years later that I found out she'd actually been VERY apprehensive about it at the time. She figured if she made a big fuss it might backfire and I'd always be wondering. Did I marry a smart lady, or what?

[zizzer]

16. trof...

You're my new hero!

I'm glad it worked out for you in the end. You got to catch up on old times and you still got to go to bed with the woman yourealy love.

Give her a kiss for me. When I'm retired, I sure hope I can still kiss mine and know that no matter any fleeting doubts that I was the lucky one and was where I belonged.

Zizer

[trof]

18. Wah shucks.

Always glad to oblige.
;-)
In 62 years of life, here are two things I have found to be true:
1. 90% of success in life is just showing up.
(Woody Allen?)
2. There is nothing so beneficial as being in the right place at the right time.

When Mrs. t. came along, I was READY. I was tired of the dating scene and all the "gaming" and just wanted someone steady and fun and good and dependable and permanent.

I don't believe in the "one man/one woman" philosophy. There were some relationships that I look back on and think :wtf: was I thinking about? There were a few girls and women I dated that I could probably have been very happy with IF I HAD MET THEM LATER IN LIFE.

Timing is everything.

[Loonman]

15. I don't only burn my bridges

I drain the river, too.

:evilgrin:

[lpbk2713]

19. If you like spam.... popups..... and popunders.....

....you'll really love classmates.com.

[zekeson]

20. Internet love affair

Its really fairly touching. We dated in HS, then, after a bad start at attending separate colleges we broke up. No contact for 15 years. One day i ran across her email. We connected. We were both divorced. Emails and PM's started and we were never out of contact again. 6 months of email, 3 mos of phone. I flew in to see her. Had a great visit, went home and the very next day, out of the blue in a professional listserve, I saw a job listing for a position in my incredibly small career field right there in her town. It was a dream job. After one visit it was risky, but we both saw it as a sign and a once in lifetime chance. (Another chance?)
I applied, interviewed, accepted the job and moved across country (border to border). One year later we were married.
It isn't always bliss, but we are incredibly happy. Ya know, when you break up with someone there are reasons. This time, we have taken the time to work out those differences. It worked for us. Don't know what you are talking about Zizzer, but be careful. Those old flames...

[trof]

22. YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY

Damn, I love to hear stories like that.
Good ON ya.

[zekeson]

23. Thanks Trof

Loved your tale, too. Yep, you got yourself the right lady, she accepts that you had to follow up and trusts you. Now, of course, I was just checking in to see how she was doing, no conscious intent to get things going in any other direction.... :)