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My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
__________
Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
__________
Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"
__________
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
__________
How could two people as beautiful as you
have such an ugly baby?
__________
I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you...
I've changed my mind.
__________
I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
I never believed in hell until I met you.
__________
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
that you're not here to ruin it for me.
__________
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
__________
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
__________
Happy birthday!
You look great for your age.
Almost lifelike!
__________
When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
__________
We have been friends for a very long time.
What say we stop?
__________
I'm so miserable without you
It's almost like you're here.
__________
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
__________
Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
__________
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side —
it's really good pay.
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