GOD I WISH I WAS GAY

[THUNDER HANDS]

I think this is going to require a backstory:

I'm currently seeing four women. Playing the field, if you will.

(note, this has nothing to do with the Gemini chick I talked about yesterday).

I went on two dates with this one particular woman. Me and her hit it off immediately. Our first date was a semi-disaster as we tried to drive from Brooklyn to the Bronx Zoo and ended up spending four hours in my car looking for the damn zoo.

It was a hysterical experience and it gave us a lot of time to talk and get to know eachother as we saw the finer, and not so finer, points of the Bronx.

Eventually on that date we decided to go into the city, where we had a nice dinner and went to a comedy club. Overall, an excellent date I thought, as she did too.

The second date, last Saturday, was even better. I took her around Long Island and we went to a fish hatchery, fed some trout and then went for a walk around the little Main Streets that are seemingly everywhere in Suffolk County (the eastern end of Long Island). Then we went to dinner (again, very nice).

Yesterday she emails me and tells me she had a wonderful time on both those dates and would love to see me again....but...

..and you knew there'd be a but, right?

....but she wants to just be friends.


AAAUUUUURRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

And I really, really, really liked this woman too. She had a fabulous personality and a wicked sense of humor (extremely rare for women) and to me, she was very beautiful.

I just don't get it. Why, after two great dates (and she told me she thought they were great) would you tell someone you only want to be friends?

She said she was following what her "gut" told her.

I'll never understand women. I wish I was gay, I really do.

Any gay men out there want to give me a hint on how I can de-hetero myself and join your fabulous community?

<sigh>

:(

[Liberal Veteran]

1. Ask Jesus to help you leave the heterosexual lifestyle?

:)

[Name removed]

2. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Coventina]

3. I feel your pain but....

this sort of thing would happen no matter what your sexual orientation.

These romantic agonies are due to the quirks of human nature --- and we're all human. Being gay or straight or bi doesn't change being human. Sorry, the grass is not greener on ANY side of the fence.

I do sympathize, though. I've been there.

Any chance she may change her mind in the future?

[ursacorwin]

4. that's so cute...

listen honey, you'll never understand women. never. i'm a dyke and i don't understand them, it's part of our charm. but sheesh! just two women give you the "friends" line and you're ready to suck cock??? i don't think so. and trust me, boys are even worse than girls when it comes to being mercurial. most of my (gay) boy friends burn thru a few contacts each week...

you're obviously smart (you're here at DU) and probably a nice guy, given that you seem polite and considerate. perhaps your issue is you're going for the wrong women. don't overlook the frumpier, less barbie style women- they're often starving for a man's attention.

there's plenty of fish in the ocean, hang in there.

[soleft]

5. What makes you think the same thing wouldn't happen if u were gay

:shrug:

[KCDem]

6. I thought you were going to say

that you thought the lead guy on Boy Meets Boy was a hunk... because that show really made me wish I was a guy!!! :drool:

Sorry, can't answer about the woman. We're a strange breed, we really are. You could try the "friends" route, and then, after a few months, ask her why that's all she wanted. Maybe she'd give you an honest answer, and that _could_ help with future female encounters.

[Character Assassin]

7. Salmon curtains, perhaps? You don't have to switch, compromise!

I'm not gay, but I live with a very gay big-shot hair colorist/stylist, and, other than having a seemingly endless stream of gorgeous straight women parading through our house all the time, I don't have to worry about decorating and I get hints and tips all the time about a better wardrobe.

It's like living "Queer eye for the straight guy" all the time, and brother, it has it's percs, believe me.

Big bonus: the gays I know, for whatever reason, simply love straight porn, so the house library has all the more to chose from that play for my team.

Life's good!

[thom1102]

28. EEEwww!

Naked Boobies and vagina! Now I need to go home and break into my Falcon Collection! I have two words to say about str8 porn: Ron Jeremy! Won't ever touch the stuff!

Edit: COOL THIS IS 800!! Wahoo!

[David Zephyr]

8. Sorry, Magic Rat, We Can Not Give You The Secret Handshake.

But I hereby dub you an honorary homosexual with honors with special weekend passes to the Emerald City.

[Gman]

9. Watch the top secret porno tapes starring Strom Thurmond??

that might work.... :)

[Character Assassin]

11. Ugh. Wouldn't that turn someone into a neutered Morrissey-zombie?

You'd swear of sexual relations with anything, forever, after watching something like that!

[Fenris]

12. ROLFMAO!

That was brilliant CA!

[Character Assassin]

17. I once had an orientation, then I saw Strom, and heaven knows...

I'm Morrissey know-how-how-how. ;-)



There is a light I never turn on, there is a light I never turn on...

[Fenris]

38. HAHAHAHAHA!

:D Great stuff, CA!

[Malikshah]

44. Uh, he wants to be Gay...

NOT BLIND! :evilgrin:

[davidinalameda]

10. we don't have it any easier

I've never dated 4 guys at once but the thought has crossed my mind

of course, my partner frowns on me dating anyone else right now.

:bounce:

[LeftCoast]

13. When you make the switch

be sure and put me down as the recruiter! I'm one hetero-conversion away from the toaster oven!

[ColumbusGirl]

41. *laughs*

that's the funniest thing I've heard in at least 48 hours :)

[ronnykmarshall]

14. Men are just as bad.

Granted, most the time you might get a little "sumthin'-sumthin'" easier ..... we are MALE (horndogs) fercryin'outloud.

But I've been down that same route before. PLUS we have to deal with MALE EGO!!

I think the battle of the sexes is the same regardless what's the combo.

But if you are serious about joining in the homo ranks, we've got LOTS of work to do.

We'll need a list of all the CD's you have, tastes in films, full frontal nude photo.

Be prepared to plucked, waxed, shaved, brunched, worked out and learn how to dance with out the "straight guy over bite".

Lets, go "nu-girl"!!! :silly:

[baffie]

18. Straight guy overbite? Do you mean that funny face

some guys make when they dance?

[Character Assassin]

19. You'd better call Columbia House. You'll need the Erasure collection

The one drawback from living with a gay guy: our music tastes are, shall we say, universes apart, other than hard-core funk.

It's like, "Ah, jeez, Meechi, not the fucking Pet Shops Boys again!"

[TXlib]

24. Erasure... It's not just for gays

I like Erasure, too, and I'm a breeder.

What about Bad Boys Blue and La Bouche?

[ronnykmarshall]

25. That's the one!

My ex sort of danced like that. But he was bi-sexual so I guess that's where it came from.

[arwalden]

15. Check The Yellow Pages For "Ex-Straight Ministries"

Best of luck to you. You'll have to invest in new track lighting and change your name to Mark, Rick, or Steve.

[ronnykmarshall]

16. Mark, Rick and Steve

What a night that was!!!!

[bocadem]

20. I need a boyfriend...

We can start there! =)

[newyorican]

21. That might not change your situation

Go to www.datingtechniques.com

The newsletter resulting from signing in will come 2-3 times a week. Don't buy anything you see on my say so though.

Remember, the 3-second rule..RULES!

[Ellen Forradalom]

22. Awwwwwwww.....

you're suffering because you're seeing too many women?

As they say, life's a bitch and then you marry one.

:nopity:

[zizzer]

No! No! No!

Just tell the chicks you're gay so it turns into a chalange for them!

Didn't we learn anything from the clasic Blood Hound Gang song "I wish I was queer so I could get chicks"?

Zizzer

"I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks"

If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too
Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?
I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony
Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
Scoring with a super model would be easy
Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but is also is synonomous with 'super dumb'
Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon I'd become
That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes
The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean
See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp he talks like this
And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
And I don't shave my heiny
Don't shave my heiny
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly

[last_texas_dem]

23. Sorry, man...

I was prepared to feel sympathy towards you until I got to your second sentence about you "currently seeing FOUR women." That is a problem many single, straight men could only wish to have to deal with! :-)

Actually, though, I know that's gotta be hard. Being "friends" sucks royally when you have much stronger feelings for your friend. (Especially when the "friendship" grew out of a former romantic relationship, but I'm getting autobiographical...) Like others said, though, your problem wouldn't be likely to vanish simply because of a change in sexual orientation...

My advice is stay friends, keep hanging out, and maybe she'll come around; you never know... If not, maybe you'll eventually develop stronger feelings for one of the other three women you're seeing and she will see likewise! I wish you luck, though, and I hope you continue to be afflicted with the problem of seeing four women at once!

[geniph]

26. Sometimes the chemistry isn't there

Maybe you remind her of an ex-boyfriend. Maybe your pheromones don't work for her. There's about a billion reasons, most of them not subject to rational analysis, why people do or do not click. Move on to the next one. Believe me, the same lack of chemistry can occur in same-gender relationships; everyone's either gotten or given the "just be friends" line at some point in their life, unless they've never had a relationship with another primate. I think Koko the Gorilla even signed that to one of her human companions.

[TrogL]

27. Hang out in locker rooms

and showers.

Let it come naturally. :evilgrin:

[newsguyatl]

37. ROFLMAO

trogl that's the best response yet... nothing gay guys in locker rooms/showers like more than an open-minded 'straight' guy! LOL

[Cronus Protagonist]

40. ...and groom your toenails in the shower

Gay men like to have nice toenails.


Click Here For Hard Hitting Buttons — Visit The Cronus Connection

[LadeJarl]

29. Let me ease your pain...

Well, the reason why she said "Let's be friends" is that she did not think of you as bed-material, nor as a bank-account!

let me illustrate by using a mathematical example:

I think that most men have found the following to be a fact:
girls = time * money

As we all know:
time = money
therefore
girls = money * money = money ^ 2
and because "money is the root of all evil"

money = sqrt(evil)
therefore

girls = (sqrt(evil)) ^ 2

and we find us forced to face the final conclusion:
girls = evil

Now, praise yourself lucky that she only wnated to be friends with you and not dragging you into that equation!

Oopss... I forgot to mention that you may have been a victim of the The Ladder Theory...

[newyorican]

30. LOL, this should be interesting

http://www.y2khai.com/khai03.html

[greekspeak]

31. Careful what you wish for, chief

The downside

1) You have to endure the nano-second long relationships. And you have to learn the fuzzy gay math of "gay years" to define your relationships.

2) You have all those relgious whackos after you all the time, and all the bigots and closet cases who like to pick on people smaller than them.

3) You have to learn how to shop as an extreme sport. And honey...you just try to get that last pear scented candle set at Bed Bath and Beyond without some clawing and fighting!

(INSERT THREE SNAPS IN A Z-FORMATION HERE)

[dback]

32. Join a gay rugby team, and go to the after-party bash

You'll be surrounded by some of the most athletic, best-looking men you could ask for. Get yourself shit-faced and tell some guy you like that you're interested, but shy since you're new at this. (True.) Word will spread like wildfire, and you'll have a list of potential suitors willing to take you home and "take things slow." (I.E., you can ask for blow jobs or be "the top" without them necessarily expecting reciprocity.) Who knows, you may be a bisexual waiting to happen.

Good luck. :)

[molly]

33. Here's the REAL deal

if I happened to be going out with a guy that I really liked and thought for 1 nanosecond he was seeing anyone else, I would not see him anymore. I was always selfish that way. I never shared and I still won't. You are lucky she still wants to be friends. I always got those "gut" feelings about guys - I just knew when I was "sharing". No woman with half an ego wants to be part of some man's harem. You know I like you, but would you see a woman that was seeing other men? :spank:

[THUNDER HANDS]

34. we're just dating

If I had to settle on one particular girl (which, out of the four, she was tops) I would call it off with the other three.

I don't cheat, nor play around.

But as long as I'm still in the uncommitted, dating stage, I see no reason not to try dating multiple women at the same time.

[molly]

35. Well, I never went for that - I was selfish I guess

on edit - if I ever thought that I was even dating a man that was seeing someone else, I wouldn't see him anymore. Would it be OK for her to see a multitude of men? Maybe that's why she only wants to be friends.

[Stephanie]

36. Did you, by any chance, say this to her:

Did you tell her that "she had a fabulous personality and a wicked sense of humor (extremely rare for women)" perhaps? Because if you told me my wicked sense of humor was rare for a woman, I wouldn't see you again either. Red flag.

[THUNDER HANDS]

43. um...no

I didn't send up any red flags that I'm aware of. I think she just went with that fabulous thing known as 'women's intuition' which, as we all know, is never flawed.

:eyes:

Oh well, sucks to be her. I'm pretty sure that dumping me is like a curse to most women. From the one's I still retain a friendship with, I can tell that after dumping me, women immediately go for a guy who's the exact opposite of me - ie, the bad-boy type.

They get treated like shit, physically and verbally abused and end up miserable.

And I'm not sure if I feel sorry for them or not because I told them flat-out that it was a mistake to leave and that they'd never find a man like me again.

And of course, they didn't listen and ended up with assholes.

Women really have no clue what they want, IMO.

[Cronus Protagonist]

39. You need to read The Gay Agenda (it really exists)

http://cronus.com/agenda

You'll be sure to know all the juicy details after getting an eyeful of THAT! And don't post back here until you've read it :)


Click Here For Hard Hitting Buttons — Visit The Cronus Connection

[WillParkinson]

45. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

TOO FUNNY!

[Throckmorton]

42. I suggest that you immediately halt all dating activities.

Stay at home and learn to make Balloon Animals. Not the simple ones either, but the ones that take 5 or 6 balloons.


Thats my advise to you!!!!