Top Ten Signs You've Eaten Tainted Lettuce

[underpants]

10. It tasted E. coli-y

9. You had to sign a waiver before a trip to the Olive Garden salad bar

8. It comes with penicillin vinaigrette

7. Most people don't bleed spontaneously after eating a BLT

6. Only respond when someone says, "Here kitty, kitty, kitty..."

5. Flip on CNN to see headline "Deadly Lettuce" and a photo of your house

4. You test a nuclear weapon in open defiance of the international community

3. All of your produce is bought from Tainted Valley Farms

2. On a hunting trip, you mistake an elderly lawyer for a quail

1. You feel weak and listless and your name's not "A-Rod"

http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/top_ten/archive/ls_topten_archive2006/ls_topten_archive_20061010.shtml