Can someone tell me what my Strategic Vision is?

[Bunny]

Big presentation is due Wednesday, and I haven't got a clue.

[tk2kewl]

1. No... but I can tell you what your Special Purpose is.

[Bunny]

3. You random son of a bitch!

:rofl:

[MrCoffee]

2. 20/40

[Bunny]

4. Can you work that into a coupla long range goals?

Thanks!

[MrCoffee]

6. Can i bill you as an "Outside Consultant"?

[Bunny]

7. Sure. Are you Net 10 Days?

I'm not exactly, shall we say, prompt regarding Accounts Payable.

[newportdadde]

5. Something management says while giving you more work or taking away benefit

[Bunny]

8. My only real strategic vision is to remain employed. I'm not sure

how to work that into my presentation, though!

[datasuspect]

9. Strategic Vision

"delivering quality results to all of our clients, all of the time. through a unique collection of skill sets and proactive aptitudes, we are empowered to "fast lane" the process of acquiring deliverables, thus enhancing everyone's bottom line."

throw in some "self starting," "team," "cultivate," and stuff like that and you should do just dandy.

[Bunny]

10. Well, at the risk of being inappropriate, let me just say that I would

like to marry you and bear your children. You are brilliant!

[datasuspect]

11. i was partially joking

but send me your rough draft, i'd like to see what you have going, i think i can help you with this. i used to work in the consulting division of a major corporate real estate firm.

we churned these things out like a degree mill.

[tigereye]

12. ah, I love the sound of management bs in the morning

right up there with the beloved/abhorred Mission Statement.

You have my sympathy.


power point and graphs. They love those. :eyes:

[datasuspect]

13. call out boxes

don't forget call out boxes.

and bullet points. corporate people cannot think in paragraphs anymore.

[Bunny]

15. What's this now? Call out boxes?

I do not know of these strange and wonderful things. Bullet points - got that covered.

[datasuspect]

17. small text boxes with shadows

that highlight portions of the body text somewhere in the margins. usually italicized.

[Bunny]

18. This is almost sad, but that could actually get me interested in

this project. Power Point, you are my destiny.

[Bunny]

14. I was hoping to avoid Power Point, but since I have ten minutes to

fill, I'm wondering if maybe that could distract them enough to fill the time. :hi:

[tigereye]

16. nah, bring in cake and dancers!

best to ya!

[Bunny]

19. Cake and dancers! D'oh!

Why didn't I think of that! :smacksforehead:

[greatauntoftriplets]

20. Here is one we did recently.....

for our corporate real estate investment services affiliate.

"Combine expertise on capital markets with the owner’s perspective to offer clients comprehensive strategic solutions in order to deliver maximum value with integrity and reliability."

On edit: It's all bullshit, of course. All should say "To make $$$."

[Bunny]

22. Now *that's* a nice statement. It says it all, without saying anything.

:thumbsup:

[TheBaldyMan]

21. to make bucketloads of cash for the shareholders ?

[Bunny]

23. Well we're a non--profit, so I have to focus on how we're going to

stay afloat for the next five years. I'm very glad I do not have to worry about shareholders!

[tigereye]

30. no, stakeholders! partners! no, whatever the latest buzz is..

I've worked for non-profits for 20 years....and it shows!


I'm never sure if the business world is more to blame for infecting us with their buzzwords, or we are more to blame for infecting their world with our jargon.

:rofl:

[Bunny]

31. I think stakeholders is the current terminology.

I'm a big fan of "consumer-driven" too! :rofl:

[TheBaldyMan]

34. How about - minimum number of Powerpoint presentations possible

it's slightly alliterative and is a guaranteed house-pleaser

[Bunny]

36. Yes, they would especially like this since it is a dinner presentation.

They would not have to look at a power point while dining, so that's a plus!

[tigereye]

43. um

last time I was at the office, the signs in the parking lot actually said "customer"

I was shocked. Put me on record as someone who despises the term "consumer" and refuses to use it.

[Fleshdancer]

24. six sigma

managers love to hear that for some reason :shrug:

[Bunny]

26. Six sigma? I've got to look this up.

My buzzword grasp is declining, I'm afraid.

[Fleshdancer]

32. here you go:

I think it's silly but other people seem to buy into the hype :)

http://www.isixsigma.com/sixsigma/six_sigma.asp

Six Sigma at many organizations simply means a measure of quality that strives for near perfection. Six Sigma is a disciplined, data-driven approach and methodology for eliminating defects (driving towards six standard deviations between the mean and the nearest specification limit) in any process -- from manufacturing to transactional and from product to service.

The statistical representation of Six Sigma describes quantitatively how a process is performing. To achieve Six Sigma, a process must not produce more than 3.4 defects per million opportunities. A Six Sigma defect is defined as anything outside of customer specifications. A Six Sigma opportunity is then the total quantity of chances for a defect. Process sigma can easily be calculated using a Six Sigma calculator.

The fundamental objective of the Six Sigma methodology is the implementation of a measurement-based strategy that focuses on process improvement and variation reduction through the application of Six Sigma improvement projects. This is accomplished through the use of two Six Sigma sub-methodologies: DMAIC and DMADV. The Six Sigma DMAIC process (define, measure, analyze, improve, control) is an improvement system for existing processes falling below specification and looking for incremental improvement. The Six Sigma DMADV process (define, measure, analyze, design, verify) is an improvement system used to develop new processes or products at Six Sigma quality levels. It can also be employed if a current process requires more than just incremental improvement. Both Six Sigma processes are executed by Six Sigma Green Belts and Six Sigma Black Belts, and are overseen by Six Sigma Master Black Belts.

[Bunny]

35. Holy crap - if I went to this meeting with that, they would probably

award me a gigantic bonus or something! That is very dazzling!

[Fleshdancer]

41. that's why it's so popular!

Managers don't understand it any better than we do but they pretend to get it in order to appear smart. :D

[wildhorses]

25. I dunno but,

I love your Tower of Power sigline. They are awesome!!

[Bunny]

27. Yes indeed, they are awesome!

:thumbsup:

[HughBeaumont]

28. At the end of the day, bottom line,

it is what it is.

:freak:

[Bunny]

29. 24/7/365.

*snort*

[HughBeaumont]

37. But where's the value added?

Times a day I hear these terms for real, on average: 5

[Bunny]

40. I offer you my deepest condolences.

Five times a day? :cry:

[HughBeaumont]

45. If it was a drinking game, everyone would be slurring before 2 PM.

That kind of talk should be outlawed.

[Elidor]

33. Your strategic vision is

To enhance productivity and increase profits by implementing dynamic innovative technologies and source-cost controls across the entire spectrum of purchasing and production. Or something like that.

[Bunny]

38. Egggg-cellent! I am going to take all of the very good terminology

in this thread and work it into my presentation. :thumbsup:

[Elidor]

44. I forgot to mention strategic partnerships and synergy

bla bla bla...all that crap.

[matcom]

39. Just think 'outside the box'

it should come to you :eyes:

[Bunny]

42. This crowd is strictly inside the box. No fire-starters here.

Hmmm...maybe that's been my problem all along. :shrug: