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Edited on Fri Dec-19-03 09:45 PM by ozymandius
(Washington-) -- Vice President Dick Cheney is the primary suspect in a vandalism spree that rocked the White House and neighboring locations in the Washington, D.C. area. The damage ranges from foul language scrawled in crayon across the Oval Office walls to excrement deposited in a Denny's restroom wastebasket.
Sixteen year-old Denny's employee, Jeff Walker, first reported the vandalism.
"Something was rank - a customer told me. That's when I found this (gesturing to a plastic bag) in the trash can." Local police also discovered crude drawings on the partitions of the restroom stalls. These drawings pictured female anatomy with certain areas emphasized with arrows pointing from misspelled words.
Drawings of female anatomical parts were articulated with pen and marker scrawl with certain areas labeled with the words 'pusy' and 'tity'. Male genitalia were also pictured with individual areas detailed with the words 'kock' and 'family jules'. There were also pictures of genitalia of indeterminate gender.
Witnesses at the Denny's restaurant have described several giggling suspicious-looking figures dressed in dark suits, wearing pairs of fake nose-and-glasses. As a result, Cheney's security detail is also being sought for questioning.
From the Oval Office, President Bush has encouraged Cheney to come clean. "The office of Vice President has been muddied with these harsh accusations. I have total confidence that Vice President Cheney is innocent of these claims and sincerely hope that he will step forward to address these issues."
Just above and right of President Bush's head, a fresh coat of paint scarcely concealed the word 'fart'.
(Copyright 2003 by Oz News. All Rights Reserved.)
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