Worst. Break Up Line. Ever.

[AutumnMist]

Just got an email from a friend of mine. She was told by her boyfriend of two years that he can no longer see her. Why? Because gasoline was expensive and he didn't want to put the miles on his car to see her (They live in the same city about 15 minutes from each other). That has to be the absolute WORST breakup excuse I have ever heard...in my life. She said she laughed until she cried and then went back again. What about you? Have any to share?

[Phillycat]

1. A friend of mine

Guy sent her an email on her WORK account and said, "I tender my resignation from the relationship."

:wtf:

[AutumnMist]

2. Thats Awful!

Good lord what happened to face to face interaction?

[Sequoia]

3. No Radar Love for her

I've been drivin' all night, my hand's wet on the wheel
There's a voice in my head that drives my heel
It's my baby callin', says I need you here
And it's a half past four and I'm shiftin' gear
When she is lonely and the longing gets too much
She sends a cable comin' in from above
Don't need no phone at all
We've got a thing that's called Radar Love
We've got a wave in the air, Radar Love
The radio is playing some forgotten song
Brenda Lee's comin' on strong
The road has got me hypnotized
And I'm speedin' into a new sunrise
When I get lonely and I'm sure I've had enough
She sents her comfort comin' in from above
We don't need no letter at all
We've got a thing that's called Radar Love
We've got a light in the sky
(Instrumental break)
No more speed, I'm almost there
Gotta keep cool now, gotta take care
Last car to pass, here I go
And the line of cars drove down real slow
And the radio played that forgotten song
Brenda Lee's comin' on strong
And the newsman sang his same song
Oh one more radar lover gone
When I get lonely and I'm sure I've had enough
She sents her comfort comin' in from above
We don't need no letter at all
We've got a thing that's called Radar Love
We've got a light in the sky
We've got a thing that's called Radar Love
We've got a thing that's called Radar Love

So I guess I'll say I love you in a song.

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

[ElboRuum]

4. I've always liked the ones that are businesslike...

"While I've enjoyed our relationship for most of its duration, lately you've become intolerably hostile and loathing. Your recent decision to withhold conjugal relations for an indeterminate and probably unacceptable time frame was the final straw. I have decided to terminate my relationship with you to pursue other opportunities. Consider this notification two-week notice of picking up my belongings. Until that time, I will be on vacation.

[AutumnMist]

7. LOL!

:wtf:

[taterguy]

5. This girl once told me that she wanted to take a break

Slow it down some, have some space. She waited until after I paid for dinner and she never gave me back my black t-shirt. I'm still bitter. Her name is . . .

[mikeytherat]

6. Me, too! She dumped me right on her front porch!

mikey_the_rat

[taterguy]

9. Let this be a lesson to you guys

The first time you're at a date's residence check out how many black t-shirts she has. Run like hell if she has more than a couple.

[Blue_Tires]

30. another lesson for guys:

i don't care how much feeling you have for a woman, NEVER NEVER EVER EVER EVER give her something that you'd want back if you broke up....I had my favorite, wearin'-it-every-day Morehouse hooded sweatshirt (made by Russell Athletic, and it cost me $64) taken from me by some heartless, petulant, immature, egocentric girl.....

HEY GRACIE! I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS, WHEREVER YOU ARE!! MAIL ME MY HOODIE OR ELSE YOUR CATS' HEADS WILL START FALLING OFF!:evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :silly: :crazy: :silly: :nuke: :grr: :banghead: :yoiks:

[begin_within]

35. Here's a song for you:

"Song for the Dumped" by Ben Folds Five:

3: Song For The Dumped

So you wanted to take a break?
Slow it down some, and have some space?

Well fuck you too!
Give me my money back,
Give me my money back, you bitch.
I want my money back and don't forget
And don't forget to give me back my black T-shirt

I wish I hadn't bought you dinner
Right before you dumped me on your front porch
Give me my money back, give me my money back, you bitch
I want my money back and don't forget
And don't forget to give me back my black T-Shirt

So you wanted to take a break?
Slow it down some and have some space?

Give me my money back, give me my money back, you bitch
I want my money back
I want my money back and don't forget

[Buddyblazon]

39. I heard about her...

is she dating Ben Folds now?

[Critters2]

8. "It's not you...it's me"

Really. My great love in college used this. Then he joined the Peace Corps, went off to Thailand, and wrote me a year later saying he'd fallen in love with one of his students. He was teaching 11 year olds.

It really WAS him.

[Deja Q]

10. In the two "relationships" I've had, that very line was used.

And I'm not sure if the first one really was a relationship, as it was a "buddy" thing I was starting to believe was something else...

[sendero]

25. hehehehehe,..

... that's funny!

[begin_within]

36. When they say, "It's not you, it's me," one thing is for certain: It's you

[NashVegas]

52. Oh. My. God.

Ever wish you could retroactively un-screw anyone?

[taterguy]

11. My pathetic true story

It was the summer after my freshman year of high school. I went to a weekend long church youth group conference and fell for someone. We spent the weekend making ga ga eyes at each other and making out. We went our separate ways but exchanged letters and calls. I still remember that she wrote: "Someday my prince will come in. Are you my prince?" I scrimped and saved and went to visit her; spent most of my money on a Greyhound bus ticket and a hellish seven hour bus ride.

I got there and she gave me the "Let's just be friends" speech. Color me dumbstruck. I asked why she just didn't do that over the phone. She said that just wouldn't have been right. I strongly disagreed. I have no idea whatever happened to her and hadn't really thought about her in years until reading this thread.

[Ariana Celeste]

67. That's so mean!

I would have been in shock! :hug:

[nini]

12. "We didn't mean it to happen"

:puke:

a favorite of the cheaters. I can't tell you how many friends of mine and myself have heard that one.

Please.. leave first - then play.

[Iniquitous Bunny]

23. "Please.. leave first - then play. "

I addressed this in another post earlier. I'm not the judgment police (and honest poly people are another story), but I've been through enough life to cringe when I see people playing with fire (especially when they make a habit out of it) either behind the back of someone else or with someone already involved.

[sendero]

26. Yes...

... I've heard that one. "It just happened" as if you go from like to love in a single instant.

People have to make up all kinds of lies to justify their moral failures.

[jrandom421]

13. Here's mine

After dating for a few months, she decided to break up with me. This happened over a home cooked dinner (mine) of terriyaki chicken, rice, snow peas, followed by cocoanut pudding and rum drinks. Why, I asked? According to her, I just didn't have "it". What is "it"?, I asked. She said it was that undefinable alpha male quality that would ensure her that she would be "supported in the manner that she was entitled", and that would be a signal that I would be worthy of fathering her children. I looked blankly at her, she said my Line 42 was totally inadequate. Line 42 on your 1040 is your gross income. Needless to say, I tossed her out of my apartment and we never spoke again for 25 years.

Fast forward 25 years, I find her working as a night cashier at a local convienience store. I get a few items, and pull out a $100 bill to pay for it all. It all but empties her cash drawer. My wife and 2 daughters bring up their stuff and I pull out my platinum Visa card to pay for it. As we all take our stuff to the car, I turn around, look at her, realize that she finally recognizes me, and I say, "Looks like your Line 42 is supporting you in the manner to which you are entitled".

My wife chewed me out for being petty and vindictive, but my daughters were all for smacking down the materialistic bitch.

[ElboRuum]

16. That is NOT a true story...

It's too damn choice.

:yourock:

[wain]

18. Sometime life really can be fair

Not nice what you did...

but it was very well played...a real beauty!! Exquisite timing...waiting 25 years for the rebuttal!!

:applause:

[jrandom421]

43. "Revenge is..."

"a dish best served cold."

[warrens]

59. Revenge...served cold...

I love it.

[Dukkha]

14. he's cheating on her

the gas prices is just a cop out excuse

[skygazer]

15. I had some clown expect me to fight for him

Literally.

I was supposed to meet him after work at a friend's place - I walked in and he was sitting there with another woman on his lap. I said, "What's going on?" and she said, quite belligerently, "He's staying here with me!"

I looked at him with raised eyebrows and asked him, "Is that so?" He told me that it was, "between you and her." In other words, he expected us to fight over him. :rofl:

I just laughed and left. When I heard they got married, I sent her a sympathy card.

[Lisa]

20. I hope it wasn't the same guy I used to date!

We lived in different cities -- we'd arranged that I would visit him over the holidays (my birthday and Christmas). He picked me up at the airport but was oddly subdued ... and when we got to his place, I realized why. Another woman had moved in there. What really capped things off was that she'd known about me from day one, though he hadn't given me any indication what was going on. When she moseyed in a few minutes later, she looked at me condescendingly and the first words out of her mouth were, "I can't believe you're still here". She even made a big show of giving me "a birthday present".

My boyfriend took me out for a walk, and said that the fact I hadn't freaked out or stormed back home was proof that I really did love him (he implied that she had forced herself on him and he didn't know how to get rid of her). And I suspect that he wanted us to fight over him, as happened in your situation! I was young enough that I actually did believe him ... until I found out that he'd used a similar line to get the other woman into bed with him (and she promptly became pregnant). She claimed that her birth control hadn't worked, but since she was a licensed physician and in theory knew about those procedures, it seemed a rather dubious excuse.

It's bad enough to hang around one person who's lying to you, but two? I got out of there, but not before the experience darned near ruined holidays for me.

In retrospect, I probably got the best deal. He's stuck in a relationship where he feels obliged to her (on account of the baby), and she's either got a child she didn't really want -- or alternatively, a husband she is bound to feel contempt for, if her main goal was to get him to father a child for her (something he'd apparently been holding back on, or they could have gotten pregnant sooner).

[Haole Girl]

17. That is the worst!

And, I was expecting the "We can always be friends" line!

[LanternWaste]

19. In my defense I was young

In my defense I was young (mid-twenties) when I used this one. Additionally, I was sincere about (at least I think I was).

"I'm sorry, this isn't going to work out..."

"Why not?" she inquired with an even combination of sweetness and desperation.

"Well, it's just that... damn, this is hard. I'm sorry-- your hair smells weird"


Lesson learned: Never break up with anyone in a public place while wearing a nice shirt, especially if she's got a glass of wine in her hand.

[Aristus]

21. "I'm seeing this other guy, and, well, he's just a really classy dresser"

This from one of my first girlfriends. :eyes: She went on to become the sleep-around type. Found out later she did most of the guys in the group I hung out with.

Don't know what's she's doing these days. But I'm happily married to a GORGEOUS woman, have a great house, two cool cars, and a closet full of classy and expensive clothes.

I wish her well.

[Broken_Hero]

22. man, thats lame

really lame. A buddy of mine use to send a recorde tape of "I'm Tired" by Ozzy, and after the song, he would say, sorry babe, I'm tired...and thats how he broke up with his women ...weird.

[LibertyLover]

24. I had to stay an extra summer semester at university to complete

enough credits to graduate. My best friend stayed at school working as a research assistant at the Oriental Institute. There she met a nice guy and introduced us. I fell hard for, let's call him Peter D., and he seemed to have feelings for me as well. His mom came out to Chicago to visit and we had dinner together. She seemed both relieved and upset about me.

Our relationship continued long-distance for about 2 years. I was in grad school in New York and he was in grad school in Chicago. I would visit when I could and when he came home on breaks we would get together. The problem was him mother was always around giving off this weird "come on-go away" vibe. Mrs. D was a classic New York Jewish mother. She wanted her son to have a girl friend, just not to spend much time with her. I joked with my friends that if we got married he would live at home and visit me in the evening occassionally.

Finally after about 2 years I went out to Chicago at Thanksgiving both to see Peter and to do some research on my thesis. Peter was acting a bit weird when he met me at the train station and eventually explained that the day before Thanksgiving he wanted us to go to church (he was Episcopalian). I agreed. That evening his mother (yes, she had come out as well) didn't want to go out. Peter asked me to get something off his desk for him. I was looking for it when I found the announcement of the church service he wanted us to go to. Is was how to come out of the closet to your family and friends. I was young and still reasonably naive, but things all clicked into place - the lack of a physical relationship, his mother's obvious relief that he had a girlfriend. Later that evening some of his friends dropped by - including his lover. I had the real delight in sharing a campus bus with the guy back to the main library. Let's just say that it was very uncomfortable. Next day I confronted Peter and he confessed - he liked me as a friend, but he was gay, and had been using me as a beard to keep his mother happy.

I'd like to say that I was understanding and compassionate, but you know - at 24 to be hit with that in your first adult relationship - let's just say I was less than accepting. I threw the turkey into the sink, told him he could cook it himself and walked out. Later he called my friend's apartment where I was bunking and asked me if I would please return a book he had loaned me. I said I would mail it to him, which I did. We have not spoken since, although I do occassionally ask my friend if she has seen him around campus. She tells me that he occassionally asks about me and she was delighted to inform him that I had married and had adopted a little girl from China.

[NashVegas]

54. Screw Understanding and Compassionate

The only thing worse than using someone for sex is using them for not-sex.

[hotforteacher]

27. "All you want to do is have tons of sex"

I never thought that I would hear this pass from between the lips of a man. It almost rivals "when you get to college you will understand" (I didn't), and "I am in love with , not you."

:wtf:

[qwertyMike]

28. Some Lines. . . .

"It's not you, it's me" = "It's you"

"We can still be friends" = "I won't remember your name a week from now"

"We should see other people" = "I'm already seeing someone else"

"I need some space" = ditto

"You're a really nice person" = "You're boring"

Add your own . . .

[antigone382]

69. And of course, "I love you, but I'm not *in* love with you." n/t

This is why I avoid relationships, lol.

[haf216]

29. I had a guy just disappear on me

I had just moved Lake Charles, La. (this is a place that no one lives unless there is no choice), and he just stopped returning my phone calls. I have no heard from him in almost three years.

[idgiehkt]

31. are you there now?

that area was hit pretty bad by katrina, wasn't it? sorry about your boyfriend.

[haf216]

46. I'm in Lafayette, La.

Lake Charles got hit really hard by Rita, witch came in about three weeks after Katrina. Lafayette got a lot of wind and rain from Rita and Katrina was east of us. But we are all keeping fingers crossed this season, because we know are time is coming eventually.

[idgiehkt]

56. I know.

I think there is a tropical depression out there right now. I'll be thinking about you all, I hope the whole gulf is spared this season, enough is enough. I mean, I hope the whole world is spared hurricanes this season.

[Godhumor]

32. I'll keep this short (one being dumped and one dumping).

My favorite line ever given to me by a female leaving the relationship was, "Well, you don't play the guitar."

Probably the nastiest thing I have ever said to an ex, "The only difference between you and a prostitute is that she at least gets paid." (I am not proud of this, but if I'm gonna share...what the hell, talk about when I was the ass, too.)

[freethought]

33. A buddy of mine used to do this.

We were both pretty much just out of college. He moved elsewhere but once in a while he would invite me down to his place for the beach and for a party. He was dating a woman, and a very attractive one I might add, a few years older than himself. He told her early on that if he was ever to break up with her she would receive a birdhouse as a gift. She thought he was kidding.
After about 2 years he had decided she was not "the one". As the story goes he showed up at her place bearing gifts. She tore off the wrapping which revealed (drum roll please)- a do-it-yourself birdhouse.
At first she didn't know what to make of it, then it hit her.

A few days after he gave me a buzz and told me. At first I had no clue what he was talking about. Then I remembered that he had done this very same thing before. It was strange conversation.

Despite what some may think this break-up went surprisingly well. They both had come to the realization that they wanted different things and were headed in different directions. My buddy has a another friend that runs into his ex from time to time. The news was that after the break-up she took some time for herself, met a man who swept her off her feet, walked down the isle, had a few munchkins, and his quite happy with her life.

Alls well that ends well, I guess.

BTW, my buddy made the walk down the isle a while ago himself. He seems quite happy.

[begin_within]

34. "Did I ever say that we were going to be monogamous?"

[Archae]

37. Try this one for the worst.

She didn't say a WORD.

I brought her gifts, fresh vegetables she loved, and she loved everything I brought her.

One day, I show up at her door, and the frikkin' COPS were there, she had lied her ass off, saying I had beat her, stole from her, etc.

I left, after asking a cop (who I was friends with,) to give her a message.
"Tell her even the cops don't believe you, BITCH!"

She ended up married to a jerk who burned their apartment down in an insurance scam, (he spent a year in jail,) who beat the crap out of her.

Right now she's horribly fat and was busted for selling her prescription narcotics.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

38. My recent ex told me that I was too good for him.

And now the only girls who I see who talk to are stupid ones. So fuck him. Yes I cursed because he is an idiot I deserve so better.

[hfojvt]

45. oh drat

Is this the guy you were talking about recently? Were you playing too hard to get? The last woman I broke up with made me feel like the break-up was what she wanted. So although I am the one who sent the good-bye email (only real option in an electronic relationship) I feel like she is the one who broke up with me.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

49. No this is not the guy I was talking about recently.

The guy that I was talking about recently has become a little brother to me. We are cool friends. The guy that I broke up with this past February is the one who told me that I was too good of a person so he decided to break up with to ask another whore out who did'nt like him like he thought. Ahahahahamofo ! LOL !

[hfojvt]

57. a little brother?

Isn't that another kind of break-up? Maybe not, my big sister still has not gotten rid of me.

Another? Are you sure that is the right word? You know what that implies?

I take no pleasure in the misery of the women who have dumped me. I really hope they are happy, especially the girl I wanted to marry. This is her 38th birthday and I wish her a happy one. I hope she has quit smoking too.

I took no pleasure when I heard that a girl who declined to even date me was living at home with a child while her husband (or boyfriend) was in jail or prison in another state. In fact, it hurt to think that she thought he was better than me.

[LadyoftheRabbits]

40. Not necessarily a line...

But whilst breaking up with me his friend (who was unaware) asked if we wanted to go along with him to a store and my ex actually turned to me and said, "you want to go?"

:wtf:

[Benfea]

41. Is there such a thing as a GOOD breakup line?

Let's face it: they're all pretty bad and often not entirely truthful.

[hfojvt]

44. I am breaking up with you

because my rich, super-model roommate, who is a graduate student in history, thinks that you are "the one" for her.

Unfortunately, nobody has used that one on me - yet.

[BlueIris]

42. "I want a family and you can't have kids."

Not quite as petty as the "gasoline is too expensive" bullshit, but it's somewhere in that same, callous, "don't-give-a-shit-about-your-feelings-or-place-in-this-world-as-the-human-being-I'm not" ballpark.

Y'all? Stop using people. It's wrong.

[Beausoir]

47. "I just wanted to have sex with you one more time before I ended it."

To a young 18 year old girl who was madly in love with the man. (Not me...really)

After dating for 2 years, he humped her in the bed of his pickup truck and as she was pulling her clothes on, he dumped her. The old hump-n-dump.

She was and is a horrid person, though, so I never felt too sorry for her.

[AirmensMom]

48. "I never loved you anyway."

:wtf:

... but he sure wanted me back after harleydad and I got engaged! Revenge is sweet. :evilgrin:

[dback]

50. "I no longer have the energy or desire to keep this relationship going."

Well, that just kind of said it all, didn't it? Translation: you are not worth my time or effort. Never mind the past year and a half, all the love I offered him, etc.

I try really hard to keep a postive attitude towards everyone I've dated--even the guy who fucked me without lube, condom or asking--but man, karma can't hit him hard enough.

[xmas74]

51. "I don't want to see you anymore"

Said at the stop light while in the car. I decided to end it by getting out of the car. I opened the door, the light turned green and he shoved me out while accelerating.

The line isn't that great but the delivery was bruising.

[HEyHEY]

53. "You never even showered!"

Well... EXCUSE me for living!

[ZombieNixon]

55. I prefer the one I used:

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Go away!" :shrug:

[warrens]

58. That's gotta be a finalist, minimum

[martymar64]

60. Yes Mommy, that's the man!

n/t

[Blue-Jay]

61. "I don't drink with you."

[Zomby Woof]

62. Look at my anniversary photos!

[Mutley]

63. A guy I was seeing in high school told me he was gay.

I found out later that he really is gay, so I don't hold it against him. I thought he was lying at the time, though.

[Roon]

64. I was married to a woman once

When I was a kid. I came out gay and everyone thought I was just saying that to end the marriage. No one believed me!!

[Mutley]

66. I didn't believe the guy I was seeing 'til I found out he was

dating another guy. No one had Any clue whatsoever that he was gay.

[Karenina]

65. A friend was informed

at her beau's seaside home that she didn't match his things. :rofl:

[SlavesandBulldozers]

68. lol

holy shit/